Partner pushing me into an abortion...

[Alastria]

So I'm in a relatively new relationship, only a couple months. My partner is 39 and I am 24. I recently found out I was pregnant ( about 8weeks) despite being on contraception, but he has worked himself into a complete state about the coronavirus and the state of the world. He's believing ridiculous conspiracy theories and constantly in fear that the end of the world as we know it is nigh. It's getting right on my nerves.

But the thing that has been most hurtful has been his response to finding out I'm pregnant, at the beginning he was all gentle about it like "I know it's an awful thing to do but it's for the best, it would be wrong to bring a child into this chaos" etc etc, and as time has gone on and I've more often told him I don't want to get rid of it and I've tried to tell him I won't do it, he has gotten more aggressive about it telling me I'm "fucked up" and "selfish" for trying to bring a child into all of this when there is a child in his household with a bad chest and I'd be going to the hospital putting them all at risk, telling me I won't have any health care through it all, telling me ridiculous things like the health system will collapse and I'll have to do it all on my own. And worrying me about things like what if I die, (I have a two year old already) and that my ds would be alone and what would he do.

My brother has been furious about my partner's response and telling me he's being emotionally abusive... And I'm beginning to think the same.

He's all happy and fine when he's getting his way and he thinks I'm getting rid of the baby but when I challenge him and tell him I'm not then he gets aggressive and argues with me or sends me vicious texts ...

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed. I have absolutely no intention of getting rid of this little one. I did it on my own with one already and I'll do it again if I have to, but I'm disappointed in my partner and now also worried about being pregnant and something happening to me etc.

Not sure what I'm looking for really, just some guidance I guess and reassurance that I'm doing the right thing by sticking up for this little one and it's right to be born... Especially given I want this baby

It is your decision and he is wrong to pressure you. He has an opinion - fine. But you want to go ahead and it’s your body.

I understand he might be worried about the current state of the world but it is not okay to bully you or try to get you to have an abortion. Good luck and lots of love. Stay strong. Xx

Being very honest, he sounds like he has mental health issues with the whole conspiracy theories and his reaction to a viral outbreak.

Time to go into self preservation mode here, and that would be getting away and staying well away from him.

He can't force you into anything. Not his body, not his choice.

What horrible things to say, he's being a bully at the very least

Your relationship is now over. I'm so sorry. Make decisions as a single woman.

Sorry you have to go through this. None of us know what the months ahead look like right now but if you want this baby then nobody can force you in to an abortion. If he thinks talking you in to it would mean you’ll have a good relationship after then he’s deluded.

I would make it very clear that you’re keeping the baby and then have a conversation about what that means for you both going forward.

Looks like you'll be going it alone.

I don't think this dude is your partner. Not in any way that counts. I'm sorry about that.

Get rid of him. He's clearly is emotionally abusing you, and it won't get any better.

Your body, your choice.
And your brother is right.

Is this man living with you and does he have other children? From your time line, you got pregnant as soon as you met him so it's not exactly a strong relationship yet is it?
It's not up to him whether youconinuenwith this pregnancy or not, but it is his choice whether he wants to be a parent with someone he barely knows. It looks like you're on your own I'm afraid.

You must have conceived right at the beginning of your relationship - maybe he thinks you did it on purpose to give your child a sibling, maybe he thinks it's not his baby - who knows what is going through his mind?

Tell him you are keeping the baby and that you are going it alone. Look into what you will be entitled to in terms of maintenance once the baby is born. And accept the fact that he has no intention of being a father to his child.

He's not your partner he's a very recent boyfriend. You need to assume you're doing this alone (and also assume he's got some mental health issues and a controlling nature and you'll be coparenting with him with all that may entail)

Stop engaging with him on it. If you've made your decision then you don't need to discuss it with him further. I'm hoping you've actually dumped him already?!

He shouldn't in any way demand you get an abortion.
I agree with another op you must have got pregnant the moment you starting the relationship. Is he 100% sure he is the father? Maybe he is worried 🤷‍♀️ he may be in shock if you fell pregnant straight away. Did you know him before as friends at all?

It’s your body. He can’t make the decision for you. And to be honest, he sounds paranoid and borderline delusional and I’m concerned for his mental state.

It's up to you what you do.

He's within his rights to not want a child, especially in a new relationship, and especially right now with what's going on in the world. I can see his point in some ways.

But if you want the child keep it and raise it alone, and be sure to claim child maintenance from him.

However you cannot make him want it. Only keep it if you're happy being a single parent.

Thanks all. I hadn't done the math, we've been together 6 months but yeah I agree, sorry perhaps partner wasn't the best word for the situation...

I know I'm going to be alone in this, that's pretty much obvious from the point he started trying to force this on me. If I stayed with him and aborted I'd resent him forever, and that's without taking his unstable nature into account. And I'm certain going through with having the baby will push him to leave eventually idk.

But yeah I guess I'm feeling confused and frustrated, he's told me how much he hates abortion and even told me "don't worry we'll have a baby one day when this is all over" as if that makes it alright to abort this one... and he's told me he is so terribly upset about this. But it strikes me that he just says what he thinks will work to make me think I'm not alone in feeling torn up about it, so that he can get his way...he even starts to cry when I talk about it. It's like a get out of jail free card...

I'll admit I'm dubious about co parenting with him. He's actually a brilliant father with his other kids, and he spends as much time as he can with them. But he's shown a side of himself that makes me realise how unstable he is and I'd be uncomfortable bringing another child into his life given his state atm.

Yet for me abortion is morally unconscionable and I would never forgive myself. So I feel in a catch 22 (of my own making ofc)... I guess I'm feeling pretty confused atm! Sorry for my ranting

He's reacting in exactly the same way my friends "boyfriend" of 4 months did when he found out she was pregnant. Turns out he was still married to his ex (who was also pregnant)

Sorry OP he sounds like a twat. If you decide to have the baby you will probably go it alone if you feel strong enough to do that again then go for it, I wish you all the best

Bet he never wore a fucking condom.