Childcare for DCs when I go into labour with DC3?

[Nigellamolesworth]

Hi,

This is my first post on MN- I hope someone can help!

I am 38 weeks pregnant and was planning on having my mother or MIL come to our house to look after my older two (3 & 5) when I go into hospital to have my third. Now we're under lockdown, will this be a problem?

My in-laws are mid-late 70s. My parents are early 60s and my DF is undergoing ongoing treatment for cancer. My DCs were attending school until last Friday, so in theory we might be infected without knowing it. We are currently self-isolating for 14 days, by which point I will have reached my due date.

If I make it to due date and we get through 14 days with no symptoms, does that mean we're all clear? If I go into labour early will it be too risky for one of the GPs to look after the kids while I'm in labour? We have no childcare. What else can we do, beyond me giving birth on my own and DH staying with the DCs?

I know this is a bit complicated, but interested in everyone's take on it...

TIA for any help!

You shouldn’t ask the grandparents at this point.

Your choices are -
Pay someone low risk to be on standby for your DCs eg childminder, nanny
Find someone low risk you know even a little bit who could look after the DCs
DP looks after the DCs and you have a hospital birth on your own
Home birth

The first two options are quite a risk for us, aren't they? We can't be sure they are self-isolating properly themselves, and I don't want to increase our risk of getting it with a newborn. All GPs are properly self-isolating, as are we.

I can't have a home birth due to post-natal complications last time.

So I guess that just leaves giving birth on my own...

It would also involve leaving the children with virtual strangers, possibly in the middle of the night, which makes me feel quite anxious. We don't have any low-risk friends locally that the kids know...

I forgot to say- Thanks for the response, Chanklybore

Just prepare to go to hosp and be with midwives. You wont be totally alone.

It sounds like you might have to have the baby on your own. It's sad but the best solution all round in the circumstances.

I think its best to start mentally preparing yourself to do it with just medical personnel.

You have potentially two weeks to get the DC introduced to a sitter. It's an emergency - they might have to "not really know" the person caring for them, but if you want your partner to be free to be at the birth with you, it might be the only option. With luck the DC will be asleep for most of it.

I'm sure something will work out.

With all the changes they'd be better of home with daddy

You leave the dc with their father and have a midwife with you.

Well, the second two would be be choices, above the first. But it’s about the risk to the grandparents, not just the risk to you.

If you are going to leave the house to have a baby, you are going to encounter other people who haven’t been self isolating, most likely a lot of them, taxi drivers, midwives, receptionists, doctors, other parents, shared wards...

There will be no risk free option. It sucks, but you need to choose your set of risks.

I’m sorry you are in this position.

Would be my choices.

So you think even if we've had 14 days of complete isolation we're still a risk to the GPs?

The idea of giving birth without my DH makes me feel sick. I'm not the biggest fan of midwives...

My Dad is still having to go into hospital for chemo, so he is having to expose himself to some extent... it's all about balancing risks at this point isn't it?

I am only 32 weeks and this is stressing me out too. I was going to have my mum who is late 60s (and self isolating as we are) but my sister said she would prefer I didn't and she would do it (she is high risk to my son I feel though as works in a pharmacy). Plus son has an allergy and most people don't want the risk of looking after him.

Am hoping by end of May, things maybe different though 😬

Have you not been anywhere at all in the 14 days? Shop for food etc. If pushed I'd choose the in laws as your own father is very high risk.

No we will not have gone anywhere at all. I have a weekly Ocado delivery which is dropped outside the door, my DH is WFH and a big garden for the kids, so we have no need to leave the house, which is lucky...

Raindancer- I hope things will have settled down a bit by the time your due date comes around. Best of luck to you

I would still do it without DH. At the end of it, once you have had the baby, you would have to have whoever is with the DC out of the house before you or your DH enter. Either of you could be bringing the virus into the house after being out in the world.

If you, your children and your parents/in-laws have fully isolated for 14 days with no symptoms I would imagine it would be ok for them to come over for the night...

However, act cautiously when you get home from hospital and ensure they leave the house before you go in and adhere to 2 meter rule in case you've picked something up in hospital?

There was a case in China that it took 27 days to develop.

The choice unfortunately is quite blunt - use the grandparents and risk their lives or find an alternative such as giving birth alone.

I dont think you have a choice the father will have to look after the children. Its not just the risk to your family, its also the risk of exposing the virus to other people. If your DH goes to the hospital he could also be exposed and pass it on.

@Nigellamolesworth Thanks, I am hoping it does...

How do your parents feel about the idea of coming over to look after your DCs? That is surely a big factor here is whether they are even willing?

If they are I would have them look after your DCs, have your DH at hospital with you but I could send your parents on their way as soon as you get home. It will be very sad them not being able to properly meet the new baby it would avoid any increased risk of you passing on something picked up in hospital.

If it helps women used to labour alone until about 40ish years ago in the U.K. and still do in many parts of the world. My DGM went through a stillbirth, ‘normal’ delivery and a c-section without my Grandad around, she survived.