1st time mum to be- scared and confused. Also ex eating disorder sufferer

[Tinydancer1986]

Hi all,

First time mum, (never thought id say that truth be told!)
Just turned 34 so i guess im considered an "old mum" going by what ive read! I guess im just looking for some support and advice that isn't going to scare the crap out of me.
I suffered wth anorexia and bulimia through my late teens and early 20's and am proud to say that i have been in recovery for 8.5years now. My partner is amazing and we have spoken about having a baby for over a year so this was kind of planned.
I am now 7weeks pregnant.
I am terrified! My boobs feel like they are out of control, my hormones have been literally all over the house, the street, the world (which my partner hasn't been all to patient with, but then neither have I!)
I guess im looking for reassurance that what im feeling and experiencing is actually ok. I feel like this has happened quick and ive been caught off guard slightly.
We both live busy lives, we both work busy full time jobs and now with Corona going on im working from home alone which has been a challenge in itself regardless of the fact that I could really use the distraction of my mad office to stop me fixating and panicking about this pregnancy and all the things that are going to happen to me and my body.
Please do not misunderstand my worries for selfishness, it comes across like that but its my old brain leading these trains of thought! Im a control freak and have always been very aware of my body and how it looks and feels.
As its so early still we havent told anybody- mostly my decision- and i hope that once we hit 12 weeks and I can tell my mum and sister and other friends who have had babies, this will ease my mind being able to talk to them but till then- I figured i would reach out and pray im not the only one who looses their mind over what the hell their body is doing and be scared rather than excited....anybody who would like to chat, id be appreciative!
My partner is just so excited and i cant help but feel angry towards him when i am feeling this scared and its me that has to go through all of this ya know....?

Anyway, sorry if this was a ramble- i look forward to hopefully hearing from you.

Thank you
xoxo

Hello
Thank you for posting. You are not alone.
Since I have found out I am pregnant, I have just been really struggling with thoughts about weight gain and other related things. I have also stuggled with various eating disorders in the past and it just scares me so much. I have lost a lot of weight in the first 3 months (13 weeks at the monent) and deep down Its kind of my safe net, just in case I put on a lot of weight later, I am secretly happy about it when I know I shouldnt be as I need to eat properly.
I cant even bring myself to talk to my midwife about it as to be honest at the moment with thr situation we are in, I feel like there are more important things BUT i would say that if you can bring this topic up with your midwife and you feel comfortable with her, you would feel so much better.
Btw my partner is also very excited and we keep joking that I will have bigger belly than him but just thinking about it - oh my god its painful.
Thanks for posting honestly i thought that I am the only one with these feelings which makes me feel even worse

Hi,

Thank you so much for getting back! Its nice that there are other people going through similar things!
Thats comforting for you that you have actually lost a little weight at this stage, obviously all in moderation and it will prob be best to start going the other way eventually but I can appreciate the ease to your mind at this stage!
Im finding my patience is very very short these days, I know its likley just the hormones but god i feel like such a bitch when i snap so unnecessarily!
I had my first appointments through the post today so 3 weeks till the first one and then they run pretty regularly.
Have you had any appointments yet?

I think its good to find people who are also honest about what they are actually thinking- im not excited at all at this stage, mostly pissed off that my boobs are huge and i cant have a glass of wine to be honest but i presume this will fade and the excitement will kick in at some point.....?

Hear from you soon

xoxox

@Ednos @Tinydancer1986

Congratulations to both of you!
I'm also pregnant (15 week) and also have suffered with anorexia, but have been a healthy weight for the past 7 years. I still have some anxieties around food and worry about my shape, but I am determined that this will not have a negative impact on my unborn baby. I have been eating healthily (and also less healthily with quite a bit of pizza and chips as it helped with nausea!) and not worrying about gaining weight.

I told my midwife about my medical history and I think it's really important that you are honest with them - they are not there to judge you but to make sure you and baby get the best possible care and stay healthy. Because I told them about my history of eating disorder they arranged for me to see a specialist consultant in pregnancy/eating disorders (yet to have appointment) - but they want to do all they can to provide the support that is needed.
I would really recommend that you ask the midwives what support there is for you and what you can access, even if you don't think you'll need it. I try to remind myself how much more important my baby's health and life is than a bit of a tummy now. Another thing that has really helped me is staying active - I go for a run or a cycle every day and the exercise really lifts my mood and reminds me that I am healthy.

I really do wish you both the very best in your pregnancies but also urge you to think of your baby and keep "resetting" your perspective - I remind myself that I would far rather hold my much longed for baby in my arms than be stick thin, so definitely get the support that's on offer even if it turns out not to be needed.

Sending you both all the best - and I really didn't mean to come across as critical or judgemental - I'm very quick myself to get defensive when people ask me about my mental health or how I'm doing with food, but I know it comes from a place of love and care and concern, and it's made me want to try and do my best for my unborn baby.

@Ednos ps I really know what you mean with other peoples' comments about weight gain - my SIL commented that I was going to be a really chunky bridesmaid at my sister's wedding (hopefully in August), and I found that hard, but especially with your partner hopefully you can be honest with him and explain how those (probably throwaway) comments make you feel and that they're not helpful? He should just instead keep reminding you how beautiful you are and all the things he loves about you.