Resenting stepchild - 3rd trimester...

[TASHAMUMS2982]

I was already feeling a bit antisocial but I'm starting to feel really crowded out when my partners son comes to stay with us. We've had a really good relationship which we've built up over years, spending time together, reading together and playing together etc, so I don't think it's a fundamental problem. I think it's my hormones.

I feel like I need to be the adult, overrule my feelings and spend some time with him, but what with all the strain of pregnancy really hitting me now, sleepless nights and feeling really hormonal, I feel I can't stand him being around (he's 12 years old and has some adhd tendencies, so can be challenging). And I am finding it hard to fight the feeling that I just want to be alone and go to bed each night.

My partner tries to be supportive but I feel like he jumps to the defense of his son and assumes I'm being an ass, rather than just recognising I might need a bit of space or something.

Happy for some constructive feedback and some ideas to make this better. My ss has been completely supportive and is really excited about the baby BTW so not worried about that.

Has anyone come across this and found some good ways to cope with these unhelpful emotions?!

Thanks in advance people!

I'm not sure what your question is?
You have every right to feel tired, want to be alone and go to bed early if you wish.
You have no duty to spend time with your stepson.
No need to feel bad.

Can you just be honest, and say something along the lines to dss that you are feeling tired due to d-baby, so need an early night? He’s 12 so should be able to understand.

Maybe now there’s no school, spend time together during the day, or earlier in the evening. Watch a tv programme together - Race across the World, for example.

What does your partner jump to the defense about? As others have said you should be able to go to bed whenever you want to.

If you are feeling a bit fed up with your ss, I reckon the best thing to do is fake it until you make it.

Thanks all.

I didn't mention I've been snappy and irritable towards SS. I think I've also been overly controlling and annoyed about certain things (eating habits, behaviour etc). He makes a lot of noises and "ticks" a lot around the house, which never bothered me as much as it does now. I think some of my feelings are just overwhelm.. I want silence and an adhd 12 year old is not going to understand that.

I think my partner jumps to his son's defence because he's been through a lot with the schools (behavioural problems, being excluded, constant meetings about bad behaviour and he had to move schools when he was in year 4 because it completely broke down and ss's confidence and anxiety were really bad)
So when I get annoyed with SS, he's reminded of those times. They are also the only boys in their side of the family and they have a strong bond, so I guess it's instinct to look after him and protect him.

I think part of the reason I posted was to get some reassurance and the other part was because my brain is so scrambled that I thought I could get some sense from someone else and work out a way forward.
I don't want to break down my relationship with SS just because I'm irritable, sharp, over controlling and distanced during this last trimester. I'm usually and quite relaxed with him, so I imagine it's confusing him a bit.

Thanks for the support so far.

Have you name changed OP?

Yes! Sorry!

Have you explained all this to dss? If he understands that the latter stages of pregnancy (together with corona virus anxiety?) is making you more irritable, then he may realise it’s not him, as such, but pregnancy hormones.

I'm going to do that. Been so clouded with my bad mood that I haven't even thought to do that... See what I mean?! Thanks. Will give him a call tonight and have a chat with him about it so he knows it's not his fault.

Completely normal feelings at this stage I'm 36 weeks and hormones are back in full swing I don't want to spend time with my own kids everything little thing they say and do irritates me at the minute. Coupled with being off school and partner still working I'm on my own with 3 and feel tired huge and just want things back to normal. Currently meant to be enjoying peace and quiet on maternity leave and can't which doesn't help the irritability. Just hang in there it's just hormones I can't even stand kids wanting to hug me madness

I think all you can really do is to recognise that you are being irrational and hormonal and it's not ss's fault (and explain this to your DP) but be quite clear that you do need space and take yourself away for regular breaks (long bath, reading a book in bed, walk the dog, whatever). Then when you do spend time with him make sure you are (outwardly at least!) patient and tolerant. Good luck - people in general are annoying when you're pregnant!

Thanks everyone! This has really helped.