18 Weeks & Worried

[Kellyb92]

Hi there,

This is a bit of a brain dump, sorry.

I posted last week about my boyfriend saying he does not want our baby and that he had pulled out of our house move. In short, it has been a very horrible, heartbreaking week/10 days.

I am 5'10 and naturally very thin. Up until last week, I was eating quite a lot, but since this has happened, I have just felt sick with nerves and upset, so haven't eaten as much.

I am worried as my bump is basically none existent. I am 18 weeks tomorrow and my stomach is virtually flat. I have no other symptoms of pregnancy, other than my boobs have grown. I have not felt the baby move yet, but did have a scan on Monday 9th where they told me everything was fine. Is this normal?

I met my ex last night and he persisted to tell me that he does not want to hear any updates of the pregnancy or how the 20 week scan goes/what the gender is, he just wants to be told when the baby is born and he will start to pay CSA. I am so, so heartbroken and now scared to do this on my own, and am struggling to keep healthy/eat a lot and focus on how important it is to keep myself together for the sake of the baby.

Please send some words of encouragement fellow mums!!

This is a really shitty situation for you and I'm sorry you are going through this. He's a dick and is likely to regret this in the future but for now your baby is your priority. I have not felt much in terms of movements and my bump comes and goes, I'm 18 weeks too.
I've found things have felt more real this week as I've been stuck at home so have had more time to plan. I've picked a pram and nursery furniture and been doing lists of names and wondering what my baby will look like etc try and do nice things like this and see if it helps at all ❤️

Thanks for your reply. I don't feel like I can start to plan things like that yet when it is all so raw. I want it to be exciting and not have him take over my thoughts with what he has done and said.

What has the movement felt like for you so far?

With my first I didn’t feel any movements till about 22-23w, she was born very small , my bump was small ( I suffered from nausea badly till about 20w). I’m currently 21w and gained about 2kg (I feel I’m constantly eating)..if scan was fine then don’t worry about it..but do try to eat when you can 🙂..baby needs nutrients as getting bigger ..Take care of yourself and your little one.

I'm so sorry your ex is being such a d*ck. But as others said, you and baby are the priority now. Take some time for yourself. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy or things you do to relax like reading, going for a walk, having a bath or just chilling with a feel-good movie and some chocolate (or whatever treat you like)? You can also call your midwife and let them know your situation and how you're feeling. They can recommend advice services and answer any questions you have about baby and looking after yourself when you're feeling so down.

Don't worry about not showing: I'm 18+5 and if I wasn't so bloated, I wouldn't look pregnant at all (and I don't really look pregnant even with the bloat). I only really started feeling movement this week but it's common to not feel anything until 20+ weeks, especially if this is your first baby. It just felt like gas at first, tbh! You only need to get checked out again if you've not felt anything by 24 weeks. Someone I know had this and it turned out they had an anterior placenta; it was cushioned movement so much she felt nothing her entire pregnancy! But baby was totally fine and they just had extra scans and monitoring to check all was well.

Try not to worry about bump size, I didn’t have anything until around 23 weeks, everyone is different.

So far it's been very mild like my stomach has turned over like when you're nervous if that makes sense? If you're struggling to eat maybe get some of your real treat foods that you would normally consider very indulgent, even if it's not all fruit and veg the important thing is just getting something down you so if that's hash browns and cream cakes so be it 🥰

I’m 18 weeks tomorrow and even though I have felt the baby move, I haven’t got much of a bump yet and my midwife said it’s totally normal especially for first time mums so try not to worry.

I read your first post and I’m so sorry your ex is being like this. I had hoped he would come to his senses and tell his ex wife to do one. Do you know if he has gone back to her? Is that why he’s being so cold with you?

I know it mustn’t feel like it right now but you have really dodged a bullet. He sounds so awful and if I were you I wouldn’t want him raising my child. You’ve got this 💪

Sadly no, he met up with me on Wednesday and said it was nothing to do with his ex. He said he would have pulled out of the house move and that he hasn't loved me since November.

Has asked not to be updated about the pregnancy, doesn't want to know about scans, the gender etc but said let him know when they have been born. I don't know how anyone can do that to someone and switch in the space of 10 days. Just a few days before he pulled the plug on the house he was telling me how I was his soulmate and no matter how hard his ex was making things, he would never leave me.

I have no idea if he is back with his ex, I would like to think not. I know he has bought storage space and is moving in with family for now, so that suggests not, I guess?

@Kellyb92 I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s hard enough being pregnant on its own let alone all of this with your ex in the midst of a global pandemic. I hope you’re doing ok.

Hopefully because he’s been such a prick it might make the process of getting over him a little easier. Focus on you and your baby now and try to forget him. You’re both better off without him!