Sensitive: Problems with sex?

[Williams3001]

I’m really struggling emotionally at the moment because DH and I can’t have sex as it’s too painful for me. I feel overstretched and any movement/friction burns. I’ve been to the doctor several times and she’s sent swabs for thrush and BV but everything is fine. We’ve tried using loads of lube but it makes no difference. The doctor is stumped as to what’s wrong. She’s written to the gynaecology department at the hospital but they can take several weeks to come back.

In the meantime I’ve been feeling really down and like I’m surrounded by all these promises of pregnancy sex being amazing but it’s the total opposite. We’d hoped it might just be a first trimester thing but I’m 18 weeks now and nothing has changed.

Has anyone had anything like this at all? DH has been really great about the situation but I feel so alone in this 😔.

I’m surprised your thrush swab came back negative as I had all these symptoms, the burning and stinging down there especially after sex, and it turned out to be thrush. I guess if you’re desperate you could try a little cannesten cream down there anyway? It’s soothing and won’t do any harm.

I have still been able to have sex, but certain positions where it might go in a bit deeper make it feel painful when it never used to. I've read that the cervix can get irritated? But it's not bad enough that we cant have sex. That must be so frustrating for you. Hopefully it eases off or they work out what it is that's causing it.

The books do say there are changes to the general sensation down there in pregnancy, and often some swelling, and some people find it ok, or pleasant, and others unpleasant. Wiping after using the loo has felt sore from the second trimester onwards, which is not exactly a turn on. Is that the sort of thing you mean? I've been told no sex by the doctor because of placenta praevia but don't know how much I'd be in the mood even if not . . . . My DH is also understanding so I feel quite lucky.

Thanks for your response. It's not sore just doing normal day-to-day things like going to the toilet. It's only when something goes inside: I have 'tested' with a finger a few times and movement is still a bit uncomfortable even though it's not as wide as a penis (DH is a normal size). It's like the walls are too sensitive.

I wish the doctor could say 'yes, this is a thing that can happen and it's maybe uncommon but normal'; if that's the case then I don't mind so much. It's more the worry that it's because of something more serious that could hurt the baby.

It's not at all uncommon. You can do things other than penetrative sex for a while.

You'll get back to normal after you have your baby so don't worry. I just noticed you are only eighteen weeks so maybe things will improve later on in your pregnancy but don't force yourself.

I've never before heard of pregnancy sex being amazing, only that it's normal or absent :-).

I was exactly the same when pregnant, nothing wrong with me in terms of Thrush etc I just couldn't physically manage penetrative sex, felt the same burning sensation and overstretched feeling as you and like you say lube makes no difference we just made to with cuddles and massage during pregnancy and then after DD came along we tried again and to be honest things only went back to normal after about 6 months post partum when my periods restarted. I'm sure it must be hormone related but no one else seemed to have suffered the same as me.

Hi OP,

That sounds absolutely dreadful! It’s not the same but due to a previous miscarriage coincidentally happening after sex with my husband last year he was too afraid to DTD for nearly 8 weeks! That made me feel terribly alone and I wasn’t even in pain!

There are a couple of conditions causing painful intercourse, such as Vulvodynia (which can be caused by pregnancy/previous child birth in some causes) and Vaginismus but that’s more of a chronic condition rather than a sudden onset...

I know this is personal but does it hurt if you have an orgasm through other means? And if not would that “tide you over” for a while?

I appreciate it feels rather disjointed just doing foreplay (you have your turn, DH has his). This is what me and my husband had to do for a while before he actually specifically asked the MW if it was safe bless!

Really feel for you OP xx

Oh and just to add, pregnancy ORGASMS are phenomenal! If you can manage without the specific penetration that should keep you going 💕 x

Thanks so much for sharing. I'm glad at least someone else has gone through this, too! I'm expecting a long recovery afterwards, too (mainly because I'm a pessimist).

Thanks Mrs Rose. We've done oral once and hands a few times and orgasm didn't hurt any time, though I got a couple of womb cramps last time, which I've read can be normal (and I think was more to do with suddenly getting up/changing position afterwards).

Hiya. I didn't have this during pregnancy but I had it post birth for about 4-5 months. I read somewhere it was due to oestrogen levels and it just affects some women like that. It passed after a while. No idea if it's the same to for you but if so it will get better. Sorry I can't offer a solution other than time!

And along the lines of @MrsRose2018 orgasms post birth are way better than before so there may be some compensation later for your months without sex!

Mrs Rose: does it hurt if you have an orgasm through other means?
......
I remember reading (pregnancy literature when I was expecting), that orgasms are often painful for women during pregnancy - it didn't say anything about by penetrative or other means. Not terribly painful, just a - 'bit of a pain' I suppose you'd call it :-). I found that to be the case but I'm not bothered about orgasms anyway so it didn't matter to me.

@Williams3001 maybe in your mind you are wary of the sex? I find if I am not 100% in the mood the sensations are not great. I need to be properly turned on. Maybe try non penetrative things and see how you feel?

@Lynda07 I don’t want to live in a world where orgasms are painful

OP if it’s not painful during orgasms then that suggests it’s to do with the walls of your vagina rather than the muscles constricting (as they do during climax).

Possibly all the hormones making you more sensitive or the baby pushing down on things - pressure on your cervix/rectum/ligaments in general can sometimes also cause vagina pain!

Really hope you find something to help xx

@Lynda07 that was also supposed to come across more lighthearted with a ‘😂’ at the end

MrsRose2018 Mon 16-Mar-20 16:12:35
@Lynda07 I don’t want to live in a world where orgasms are painful.
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Nobody does. I'd rather do without.
However I don't think that is the op's problem.