“Just checking in!”

[WingingIt101]

I’m 38+2. I have literally just finished work for maternity leave.

First baby. First grandchild on both sides.
Everyone is excited, I get that and I get that I’m really lucky to have people around me who actually care.

But. Oh. My. God.
If I get one more text / WhatsApp / phone call / social media message innocuously just checking in on me and then subsequently fishing for info on my “status” I’m going to throw my phone out a window!!
I feel like I’m nothing more than a baby carrying vessel and as though they think I’m going to forget to tell them all I’ve given birth!!
I’m sure it’s well meaning but my goodness it’s driving me around the bend! It’s highly likely the baby won’t be here for another few weeks yet, help!!

It is driving me fucking bananas. I’m 39 1/2 weeks and am now feeling like the baby is late!!

Received a message from my usually very lovely MIL just reminding us she’s out for lunch “just in case you’re going to call with any important news....!” Oh shit, sorry, I had the baby and totally forgot to tell you!

Likewise people asking if “things are moving”.

3 things I’ve done:

• pushed the due date out by 5 days or so in a very vague way “the DD isn’t until next weekend so not yet!”
• put the group chats on mute
• for any repeat offenders I’ve said “I’m not gonna respond to messages asking if the baby is here from now on, I’m sure you can understand the pressure of it and we will let you know when he / she arrives”

I was particularly grumpy earlier and told DH that everyone could fuck off and stop asking. I know they’re excited but honestly, leave us to it. It isn’t good for my oxytocin levels!

so glad it’s not just me!
I nearly text my main offender earlier today with the “yeah the baby arrived last night but congrats you’re the first person to know as you only get told when you’ve hassled us 50,000 times!!”

I then feel really mean for being so grumpy!

Send them this: haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com

@Bibby you win!!

This is why I am telling people my due date is 2 weeks later than reality.

Friends and family really can't win. Posters either complain of being harassed or that no one takes enough interest. Be glad they care.

Yup, im having this too. Its driving me bananas.

Friends and family really can't win. Posters either complain of being harassed or that no one takes enough interest. Be glad they care.

That’s not really fair. There’s a massive difference between getting a message or two in the weeks around your DD because you’re in touch with someone anyway; and then having people text / call / message you every other day saying “any news????!” Or “have you had the baby yet????!!!!” As though you might have forgotten to tell them

^^ especially if you’re only at 37 weeks and could potentially have another 5 weeks to go!

Oh I remember this well. I used to get the whole "any twinges yet?" And then towards the end if I didn't reply within 5 mins because say my phone was on charge or hasn't been on line on wats app for about 5 mins everyone would be like "oh my god your in labour" no I was just dragging my massive self up the stairs for another wee people mean well but god it can get annoying I feel for you!! Xx

@onlyoneoftheregimentinstep I said In my OP I do get that I’m lucky people care but to echo @ShirleyPhallus there’s a difference between the odd message and those that also ask about other things too, and the ones who seem to want an almost hourly update on the status of my uterus!!
Am definitely wishing I’d told people due date later than it is. Lesson learnt for any future pregnancies!!

Ahh it’ll only last your first pregnancy.. no-ones once asked me with my second 😂

Hate to tell you....but it only gets worse when the baby arrives! Be prepared for a constant stream of visitors asking you “are you getting enough sleep?” - eh I would be if you weren’t here. “Are you getting out much?” - again I would be if I didn’t have to be here to receive visitors. Maybe it’s just me but I really found all the attention difficult. I just wanted time alone to bond with my baby. Don’t be afraid to speak up if people are just being too much.

@windy2909 oh god! Although I’ve had a preview of this - MIL said last week “don’t worry, when the baby gets here I’ll take time off work and come to stay, I can then take on the cooking, cleaning and childcare so you can just rest. I also will be able to shoo away visitors when I think they’ve stayed too long and you need more rest.”

I mean.... she means well.... and I’m sure I’d love someone turning up with a casserole if we’ve arranged a visit but I don’t expect to be so incapacitated that I effectively am resigned to my bed without even my baby near me!
I just said to DH whilst it was a very kind offer she would be following the same visiting steps as everyone else; ie not staying over and not bloody taking over the house or baby!

Im in the same boat. My OH and myself have said no overnight stays in the first two weeks. This is partly because my partner gets 2 weeks paternity leave, then works away mon-fri the rest of the time, so those two weeks are really precious family time. Also, we live minimum 2ish hours away from our nearest family member, so it's kind of dissuading people to come as they all want to stay due to the drive (understandable). Also, our maternity services at the local hospital have actually advised against having people stay over so you can find your feet and understand what it is your supposed to be doing (1st baby).

Happy to have people over for a couple of hours though! Its a really tricky time though isnt it? With trying to be firm but not wanting to insult people

This!!
I’m getting daily texts and both my mother and MiL saying “tell the baby to hurry up!”
No. He’s not due til Saturday and isn’t here for your entertainment...oh, and by the way, you probably won’t see him for 2 weeks if I follow the midwife advice about visitors/Covid-19.

I know they’re just excited and they mean well, but no.
It’s driving me insane (in case you couldn’t tell...)

oh, and by the way, you probably won’t see him for 2 weeks if I follow the midwife advice about visitors/Covid-19.

@elw85 what advice is that? I haven’t been given anything like this, beyond self isolation if you have symptoms?

@ShirleyPhallus - just as I’ve said, they recommended not having visitors around for 2 weeks to be on the safe side. I don’t have symptoms but it’s more about family still being at work, in public etc, the NHS not testing anyone and then coming over.

Thanks @ELW85, I’m really surprised as that hasn’t been the experience I’ve had and can’t see anything officially suggesting it. I suppose all the different trusts have different guidelines though so we all get told different things. Seems a real shame to be isolating from family for the first 2 weeks!

Yes I was wondering if there would be any advice once baby here. My parents live 3 hours away and were going to visit when baby about 2 weeks old but they are caring for my 90 year old grandad - so now not sure if they can come as he will probably be self isolating so they can’t bring him

@Bibby26 can’t wait to use that website

@ShirleyPhallus @singme - I know, I’m getting the impression it’s varying, and the RCOG haven’t said anything about it.
It’s such a minefield and I honestly have no idea what to do to keep everyone happy.
I know most hospitals are only allowing birthing partners in now, which I totally get but I’ve got another midwife appointment on Friday, so I’m gonna check with her again. Little one is due Saturday so I need a game plan 😀

@Letsallscreamatthesistene totally agree - balance between setting a boundary and not insulting or upsetting anyone is the hardest part. I know what I want and need but worry too much about upsetting others!!
Ref. People seeing the baby when it’s born, my mum works in a doctors surgery so I’m particularly anxious about her meeting the baby in the current climate but will be taking advice from my midwife at my next appointment on Monday I think! I’ll prob then hide behind midwife guidance if it’s not great news (ie people have to stay away) but also feel quite sad that we would be asking people to be away longer than we had anticipated and the baby not meeting anyone for however many weeks (or more) of it’s life :-(