Feeling irritated and angry

[ksarah95]

Hi all,

Recently like since last week I've been feeling very irritated and angry! I'm 26 weeks pregnant and I hate this feeling! When I feel this way it makes me not to anything and just be in bed the whole day and not come out of the room.

I'm living with my in laws. We got married in Aug 2019 and I got pregnant straight away and we've been looking for a place to move out. But because of my mother in law the house search has been delayed. She wants a house closer to hers and she found out and the owner of the house (lady) and the people who are living there have been dragging for months. My mother in law wants us to buy that house since she's giving us the money towards deposit. But we don't want that house as it's in a very bad condition and we need renovate fully before moving in. This really stressed me out as I'm due in June I only got 14 weeks left and the house is not sold yet! I've been telling my husband I don't want that house because it's far from his work place (he travels 1 1/2hrs some days 2hrs just one way to work) so I wanted to move a bit closer to his work at least like 45 mins distance so when he comes home he can spend time with me and the baby (when he arrives). Now I don't feel like we spend much time - alone time together obviously we live with his parents and also he sleep early so he can wake up 5am in the morning....

Whenever we speak about house we always end up arguing!

One point we did went for a lot of viewings but whenever he tells his mom she always ended up rejecting it because she had the other house in her mind. She's not thinking about his work she only cares about him living closer to her.

Also my husband said we will move out before baby comes. But recently he's been slowly telling me that we might have to stay here since we haven't got any house. I definitely don't want to stay here! I had enough and I need my space!!! I'm always stuck in my room. Even if I go downstairs to the living room or to the kitchen it's not like it's your own place right??! He doesn't understand that!

I think this what pushed me and I feel irritated and angry towards his parents and I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Yesterday I was fully inside my room and I didn't come out except when I went down to get food and I came back to my room.

I feel like I will end up going crazy eventually if I'm going to be feeling this way!

Can't be easy living with your mil and not having your own space. She sounds really over bearing with house choices too. You definitely need to move before the baby comes. Sorry no advice just sympathy

Why on earth are you allowing your MIL to decide where you live?! You are married adults with a baby on the way. Put your bloody foot down & tell your hubby & his mum that where you move will be your decision!

If this is all hinging on her helping you with a deposit, then I suggest you talk to her & your husband & sat you won’t be accepting the money if she won’t allow you to make your own decisions about where to live. She’s basically bullying you into buying what she wants & what suits her. But no, this is your house, not hers.

Personally, I’d be looking for somewhere to rent ASAP or to purchase a property you can afford by yourselves.

If your hubby won’t support you & sides with his mum, I’d be very concerned as to his priorities in life! Why he wants a massive commute just so he can live near mummy is beyond me.

Stand up for yourself OP. Lay your cards down & explain how this is making you feel. Don’t be pressured into mortgage debt on a house you had no say over!

@Delbelleber I've managed for last 6-7 months. But I feel like once the baby is here she can get too involved IF I'm living with them or even 2 mins away from them. Hence why I want to move out asap!!!

@Bol87 Well I just want mine and my husband's decisions when it comes to choosing a house or even anything to do with our children. But I feel like my husband feels obliged to say yes just because his mom is helping us out. When I say something he think I'm being ungrateful. But I'm not! I appreciate what his parents are doing is a big help! But that doesn't mean I don't have a say in it at all. Also mortgage me and my hubby will be paying so I appreciate if I have some say in it.

Sometimes I feel like not taking the money because we need to listen to her. But my husband will think I'm being ungrateful and I'm a bad person. It's true what you said. But she thinks it's her gift to her son so she get to have a say in it and I don't?

Well I've asked my husband if we can even rent? But he doesn't like the idea of renting and he thinks we will be wasting money. Also, he keeps bringing up about how I will go on maternity leave so we won't have much finance to support us. But I'm so stressed because I only got 14 weeks left and I still haven't prepared anything for our little one.

Sometimes I feel like he's soft when he comes to his family. They've helped him so much! So I get why he would feel this way...

Since the beginning I've told him I don't like the house. It's not in a living condition it's really bad! The people who are living there are in their 50s (couple) his wife got some health issue so they blood transfusion at home I guess? I personally think taking a new born baby into a house like that it's not good!! But my MIL keeps saying she will make sure everything is clean before we step inside the house.

Currently due to the virus spreading she goes overboard to make sure everything is clean at home. So in my head I was thinking just for this virus you're taking extra precaution so won't I think about my baby when we are moving into a house like that??! I feel like it's double standards! I feel hopeless arguing with my husband about this!

I could not live like that I would look for somewhere to rent she will be worse when baby comes those types always are .