Pregnant again at 21! Please help

[flowertot19]

Hi, I'm desperate to hear some opinions or even some support on my situation as I can't sleep with worry and guilt, I would be grateful for any advice.

I am 21 with an 8 month old baby. My partner and I are living with his parents until our new home is renovated which will be in the next 2/3 months. I have just found out I'm pregnant!

I'm on the pill and take it religiously, so as you can imagine I am devastated this has happened so soon! I wanted another child when my first baby was in school so that I could handle things and give them both the attention they deserve.

My partner works long hours 6 nights a week to support us and a lot of the time I am at home with the baby alone as his parents are also working full time.

Night time is a struggle because my son does not sleep at all and I tend to get 3/4 hours max per night, I can't see how I will manage this being heavily pregnant.

My son would only be 16 months when this baby would be born, meaning he will still rely on me heavily, especially if he is still not sleeping, how will I take care of two baby's through the night by myself?

I am so stressed because I always wanted siblings for my baby, but never this soon and this young.

I won't be able to give a newborn baby my full attention Because I will have two baby's at home, and vice versa.

I don't have any family that are willing to look after my baby as it is, and partners parents aren't very helpful. I feel like I would never be able to work again.

A termination feels like I am taking away a potential brother or sister to my baby, which breaks my heart.

I'm petrified that I won't be able to live with myself going ahead with a termination, knowing what could have been.. but the facts are that I don't want baby no2 yet as I'm worried I won't be able to handle it. I also don't want my partner to resent me in the long run.

I struggle to leave the house with 1 baby, I don't know how I would manage with two and a double pram

Am I being selfish? I haven't stopped crying since I found out 

I have an appointment in 4 days for a scan to see how far along I am, but a clear blue test says 2-3 weeks so I am assuming I am around 5 weeks.

Thank you in advance for any replies x

Hiya so your home situation isn't great however could you now approach the council and say you have a baby and another on the way you can't stay where you are?

I have 3 very close in age my first was 15mnth and honestly I was so worried about all the same stuff when I had baby 2 it didn't seem hard.... And now they are much older they get along really well, I then had another so first gap 15 months 2nd 18mnths and handling things was easy I had all the baby stuff prams etc...... Now a suprise 4th with 7 years gap and I'm absolutely like what am I doing!!!
If it helps at all around 8mnths was actually the hardest I found with all of my babies they just start doing more.... Becoming needy more it passes.... On to different things. We used a nursery from age 2 only for a few hours a week we couldn't afford more but it gave me that time to go shopping and breath. Mums and toddlers helped alot although I had to drag myself there and it wasn't a two min journey it was worth it the local church one I found the best because they had lots egar ladies helping on hand so I could drink my coffee and chat to other mums going through the same stuff I didn't feel so alone.
The double buggy thing it's abit of a shocker to start but find one that you like if you decide you can do this..... One behind the other is much easier to manage round shops I loved my city select.....

You know what's right for you and your family... .... Although I thought about termination this time I know I'd tourcher myself with ifs and buts.....but I still think now is this right will I cope hate the judgement that comes with 4 children but for me I think it's right... Time will tell .......

I used to be you. My boys were born 15 mths apart, and to be honest, I dreaded it.
However, I couldn’t have been more surprised. Even other people said, goodness, you’ll have your hands full. I had no family support at all and also a 5 year old. My dh at the time was an arse and was literally not a helper at all.
When the baby was born though, he literally just slotted in. It was far far easier than I expected. Plus, it also has its advantages. Once the new baby is on its feet, they potter about together and play together. They sort of occupy each other.

In fact years later I went in and had another 2, 16 mths apart.

Sometimes I think back and I was so glad I worried about it all because when it actually happened, it was far easier. With your first, you’d had rose coloured glasses on and then wham, it was harder than you thought so the contrast slaps you in the face.

Babies change so quickly. Your 8 month will be a fully fledged toddler in a few months time and into everything. He won’t be so dependent on you. ( although mischievous) Uour confidence will grow.

My first two have a similar age gap, though I was older than you. It was brilliant (though tiring) and they are now 10 and almost 9 and so wonderfully unbelievably close

I remember my dd was waking and feeding a lot during the night at that age and I was so worried about going back to work (I wasn't having another baby). I managed to get her in to a bed time routine which I started at 9 months. The first couple of weeks were hard and she would cry etc but it didn't take long until she was sleeping through the night.
Think about ways you can deal with the night waking differently, like not talking to him when you go in, not picking him up, water instead of milk... Make his experience of night waking as boring and non stimulating as possible. He will soon learn.
Baby number 2 is easier because you know what to expect. Don't put pressure on yourself to go out by certain times just take each day as it comes. You can do it!

Good advice here about coping. But it's ok to have a termination if that's the right thing for you. Maybe contact BPAS or Marie Stopes for counselling?