stressed and low - help

[tyaca]

18 weeks, and think i'm going mad. working far too hard. too many hours and at times it's so stressful i feel like i am going to be sick. have to go in a moment, got to work through weekend and next week will be worse still.

pregnancy not even registering with me. missed my first ante natal thing, not been back and no way i can make next one on tuesday.

not told work 'cause scared i will be treated differently and(PLEASE NO JUDGING) they've seen me smoke in last four months.

fear i'm going mad, don't trust my own judgement anymore and managing my team v badly. my contract ends in mid dec (am freelance) but would quit in a mo if i didn't have mounds of debt.

need to hang on for next three months, but every day this seems increasingly difficult.

was depressed in teens, but been ok since, if often work-stressed. last couple of weeks i have had suicidal thoughts.

looking forward to baby, looking forward to new non-working, if poor, life. but now is so tough. don't know how i'm going to quit smoking as it is at mo, 60+ working hours, so low and no folic acid etc.

first, you need to speak to your midwife/GP if you are feeling so low you might hurt yourself.

sod what work thinks about your smoking- you could say you didn't know you were expecting anyway and fob them off. Can you reduce your hours, or perhaps take some time off (holidays, sickness etc?)

there's lots of time to improve things- get yourself some pregnancy vitamins, talk to someone about your feelings and see about nicotine replacement for the rest of your pregnancy- you can use them, but check with GP about what dosage.

Chin up chick, it'll be ok

you could well be suffering from antenatal depression.. important to see your doctor, and get some help. can you get signed off from work? sounds like you need a break, and you are in no fit state to work..d you have supportive partner and family? do they know how you feel?

see pharmacist about getting off cigarettes, or get referred to mw who can help with smoking cessation in pregnancy

take something like pregnacare, and spatone
to keep your vitamin and iron levels up

suicidal thoughts need dealing with

please see your gp as a matter of great urgency

Tyaca, sorry to hear you are having such a rough time of it.

I agree with PregnantGrrrl you can tell work you didn't know before. we had some one at my work who was 4 months gone before she found out.

have you had any other symptoms? Headaches etc. You really do need to get the help of your mid wife and GP.

I had to have 9 weeks off work earlier this year and I did feel guilty leaving the work etc but at this point where it affects your health you have to be selfish for your self.

Hope you can find a way through with out harming yourself. People are always here to chat

Hi tyaca

How about you phone the midwife and ask if they could do an evening booking at home in the evening or at weekend. There can be ways to work around things if you explain your problems.

It seems from your post that the biggest worry at the moment is a financial one, perhaps some help in addressing the debt may help you in other areas.

I appreciate that finding that help can be difficult especially when you are working such long hours.

There is a very good website with a fantastic forum where you can get invaluable help and guidance re debt and money management.
www.moneysavingexpert.com

Really nice supportive and non judgmental, a lot like here.

Please don't worry too much about the smoking at the moment, I'm sure you will address stopping once you feel better. You have shown you understand it's not in your best interest so no lectures from me.

Try not too judge yourself too harshly.

ty guys. knows it's ok, but so tired and dreading having to go away again today and needed a shout out.

dh is superstar. we going to work thru money next sat (nextday off) with view to me knowing i could quit anytime i want. just try to get thru each day as it comes.

it's all my own fault 'cause of silly debt. also macho work pride - and every day i'm fire fighting just to not get behind. signing off not an option, freelance, won't get paid. if i can stick it out til mid dec, will get paid til end of jan and really need that.

what gets me down is thinking everyone hates me and that i'm doing job bad. but now i don't feel like i can trust my own mind and thoughts anymore. thoughts may be true which is bad, or may not be, which would make me nuts and it seems lose-lose and i'm not suicidal, just thiking thoughts and want to run away but not sure from what or where to.

Aren't even freelances entitled to time off for antenatal appointments? Surely this is a health issue (of you AND baby) and therefore should be a priority? If you are 18 weeks and have not been to any of your appointments then does that mean you have not had any scans?
Talk to your midwife and see if you can arrange something out-of-hours. My first mw appointment was at home on a Saturday.
Good luck with everything. If it is any help you are not alone - I think everyone hates me and get very paranoid and I don't have any particular reason for this. I am 28 weeks.