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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant girlfriend has changed

31 replies

dadtobeagain · 12/03/2020 10:16

I'm a dad to a 2 year old from a previous relationship which ended when my DD was very young. I'm 24 and I have been dating my new partner who's 21 for 9 months and she's currently 2 months pregnant. Before getting pregnant things were great, I never trusted anyone and felt as happy with someone as I did with her. We decided to buy a house together and said if we ever got pregnant we'll be happy about it. When we found out she was pregnant we were both ecstatic! She's 9 weeks gone and the last 4 weeks have been an absolute nightmare. She can't stand the smell of our house (new build) so she's currently sleeping at her mums (most of her stuff is still at our house). She's being sick nearly every day, constantly feeling nauseous and tired so getting up and going to work every day is really taking it out of her so when she is home at her mums she wants to be alone without me there.. we went from seeing each other every chance we got if I had holiday (I'm only home on weekends) to seeing her once a week for a few hours if I'm lucky! And from texting all the time to a couple times a day... When I am with her, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and she hates to be touched! I still text her that I love her each night, asking how she is and always saying I can go out and get her anything she needs! But she just seems to be realty distant from me... I'm just finding it difficult being on my own as she was my 'comfort blanket' someone to talk too every day and look forward to seeing! You guys and girls got any tips to help get past this phase?

OP posts:

Delbelleber · 12/03/2020 10:18

How many times have you posted this

ShirleyPhallus · 12/03/2020 10:19

You guys and girls got any tips to help get past this phase?

Is this for real?

TemporaryName123 · 12/03/2020 10:22

Eh, she’s pregnant you halfwit, and clearly feeling crap and sick! Cut her some slack! This isn’t about you! You should be looking for ways to support her, not whinging about how hard it is for you!

Sunnytimesahead · 12/03/2020 10:22

Hi OP,

Hopefully it's just an unfortunate stage of early pregnancy.
I would suggest you keep up the contact to stay connected but don't pressurise her too much as she is feeling really unwell.
Keep asking if she needs anything and be there to listen if she needs to talk. I think that's all you can do at the moment.

Are you airing your new place out as much as possible to try and get rid of the smell? Assuming it's paint that is the problem could you try using an air purifier as this might help.

I hope things get better.

TooTrueToBeGood · 12/03/2020 10:26

Wise words passed down from my father to me and from me to my sons:

The day you conceive your first child is the day you stop being the centre of your own universe.

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Your post is all about you. What you need, how you feel, how difficult it is for you. Where is your empathy for her?

You're going to be a dad. Grow the fuck up and start acting like one. If you don't there's a very high chance she will decide she's better off on her own and she will be right.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 12/03/2020 10:29

She's being sick nearly every day, constantly feeling nauseous and tired so getting up and going to work every day is really taking it out of her

Do you think you might change a bit if you were as sick as that?

Grow up. She isn’t your comfort blanket. You aren’t a toddler. She is a human being going through a really shitty time and all she’s getting from you is “waahhh me want cuggles”

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 12/03/2020 10:31

any tips to help get past this phase?

You want tips to speed up her illness? So you can get all her attention again? Do you know you will never get all her attention again for the rest of your life? She’s having a baby- that’s number 1 from now on.

MarieQueenofScots · 12/03/2020 10:33

You guys and girls got any tips to help get past this phase?

Don’t be a twat is the best tip anyone can give.

She’s pregnant. Support her and stop making it about you.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 12/03/2020 10:37

"She can't stand the smell of our house (new build) so she's currently sleeping at her mums (most of her stuff is still at our house). "

Sense of smell changes when you are pregnant, things that you previously like the smell of make you feel instantly sick, things that you hated are delicious smelling. It's weird but she can't help it.

"She's being sick nearly every day, constantly feeling nauseous and tired so getting up and going to work every day is really taking it out of her so when she is home at her mums she wants to be alone without me there.. we went from seeing each other every chance we got if I had holiday (I'm only home on weekends) to seeing her once a week for a few hours if I'm lucky!"

Yep, imagine for weeks on end you felt, hungry, emotional, constantly on the edge of vomiting or actually vomiting. Now try to think about whether you would want to spend time with someone you want to find you attractive, if you would want to be cuddled and touched? Her body is going crazy, her mind is probably pretty muddled as everything is about to change, she will be excited, scared, worried..... so much and if being with her mum and having some quiet helps why wouldn't you want to facilitate that?

familydoctor.org/changes-in-your-body-during-pregnancy-first-trimester/

Bol87 · 12/03/2020 10:48

Stop creating more threads & take some advice from the other threads you’ve made with exactly the same questions! No-one is going to tell you anything different!

CryptoFascist · 12/03/2020 10:55

Are you going to keep posting this thread over and over until you hear what you want to hear (which is what exactly?)?

Seriously, this isn't about you. She's feeling sick, exhausted and crap. Not much you can do except be supportive. Your relationship is very new and she's already pregnant, must be a bit of a shock to both of you, especially as you already have a toddler age child.

applestrudels · 12/03/2020 11:14

My god, the poor girl.

When you're pregnant - especially in the first trimester - your sense of smell heightens quite drastically, as well as developing sudden aversions to things you previously didn't mind/liked. For me the worst offender was garlic, but that's an easy fix - we just had to stop using garlic at all for several months. What a nightmare getting an aversion to the very walls of your house.

The only thing you can do is keep letting her know you're there and keep offering support but don't pressure her. Remember it's temporary. Don't expect her to comfort you - would you feel like putting your discomfort aside and spending what little energy you have left comforting someone else if you were as sick as she is?

Wa1kthisway · 12/03/2020 11:17

Get the new build ready for your child's arrival.
Change the smell by having something that she likes in the home.
Purchase her favourite foods and choices of fluids to help with nausea.
Get some gift vouchers for things such as having her nails done etc for when she's feeling better.
Ask if she would prefer you to drive her to work so that you can pull over to vomit etc if she needs rather than her trying to navigate the road and nausea.
Send her mum some thank you gifts for being an amazing human for supporting your very sick GF.

Leebeemarie · 12/03/2020 11:28

As someone who's going/gone through the same I think if my Dp did this I'd tell him where to go. from very early on I was sick and tired constantly where I'd only have it in me to get up and go to work then come home, eat and straight to sleep. You know what he did instead of bitching about it? He took on all the housework and cooking so I didn't have to worry about it.
My sense of smell also changed and the smell of our dogs made me sick so he went and brought nice smellies to help me.
Stand by her and look after her, believe me this is a horrible time but it will ease off, maybe not completely but it won't last forever.
Time to take charge as you're about to be a father and make sure you do everything you can to take the stress off mom. As others have said work on the babies nursery, educate yourself on whats happening and start to prepare. Be proactive and don't post on here fgs.

pinkyredrose · 12/03/2020 11:34

You're more concerned that she isn't there for you than about what she's going through. What will your relationship be like when there's a baby taking up all her time and energy, will you be selfish and jealous then too?

Why did you last relationship end?

Quiffy · 12/03/2020 11:36

Since this is the third post you've done in around 2 days for the exact same problem, I can only imagine that you could be hounding her too? Perhaps you should instead focus on giving her space and do things to help her in the background, without looking for praise.

IslayBrigid · 12/03/2020 11:42

Your poor GF. Im 16 weeks and have suffered from nausea and heightened sense of smell since 6 weeks. The smell of our house also makes me vommit. It is actually one of the worst things ever, dreading coming home, avoiding the region of the house that smells the worst. My partner has helped by buying some potpouri (bless) and doing nearly all the cooking and cleaning. Try not to think about yourself during this time and support her in the way she needs. Ask her what she needs... and listen to her.

Howzaboutye · 12/03/2020 11:51

Grow up

KHall84 · 12/03/2020 12:19

You have posted this twice already over the last few days surely you have better things to do that keep posting these threads maybe concentrate on your relationship instead of keep posting the exact same questions take advice that has already been given to you

Hugtheduggee · 12/03/2020 12:34

Yeah, she's feeling awful, and ill, and exhausted, and still working, but it's all about you right?
You do know at the end of this there will be a baby and you won't be her top priority any more and will have to share?

WeeDinah · 12/03/2020 12:45

I'm going to cut you some slack and say I totally understand where your coming from! I actually dont understand your GF! Why would she stay at her mothers when you have a place together? I know you say the smell of the new house but come on! Why wouldnt she want you to touch her? That would worry me also! You say you work away, for me that would make me want to spend every minute with my partner when he was home ...whether that be at our own home or my mothers house, I would have him with me. Now I understand totally about her wanting space as she is so sick and feeling very unwell, I'm 16 weeks myself and iv had a really rough time with sickness, nausea, headaches etc etc ...
My partner wants to hold me a lot just now and I have to admit I dont always want to be held as much as he wants to hold me like snuggling in bed at night but I know how much he loves our baby growing inside of me so I let him hold me until he falls asleep then I move his arm and ask him to move over ...I would never say no and hurt his feelings in that way as it obviously makes him feel closer to the baby because he is definitely more cuddly since we found out i was pregnant. I would definitely share your concerns with her because to me its not normal! What if you were married with another child? You cant just run away and go stay with your mother, you might have another baby to look after with smelly nappies etc ..you cant run away from that smell! Sounds to me like shes pushing you away for some reason.

Annafs · 12/03/2020 12:55

I couldn’t bear the smell of our kitchen and bathroom for the first 14ish weeks. I couldn’t stand to be touched either and any hug made me feel like I was going to vomit. Instead of moaning on mumsnet, my husband did all the cooking, cleaning, driving me around and avoided touching me even though I knew it upset him. I didn’t wash a single plate in all that time and barely communicated apart of moaning I was going to vomit every five seconds. He was fine with it because he read some pregnancy books, downloaded some apps and realised it was all the hormones. I’m now 18 weeks and infinitely better and am now slowly beginning to cook again and feel human.

Not one thing in your post is about her or the baby, it’s all you you you. You’re having a baby now, you will never be number one again and neither will she. The baby comes first, and whilst pregnant that means she comes first. Put your big boy pants on and deal with it.

Halloweenbabyy · 12/03/2020 13:09

How many threads?! If this is what your like in person I’d have moved out too!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/03/2020 13:18

Having a child is a massive deal. That's why you do it with someone you have a really strong bond with, not someone you have known 7 months. You've already fucked up one relationship. You need to back off and be very kind and patient or you'll be 25 with two kids you don't live with. You won't be much of a catch then.

DonnaDarko · 12/03/2020 13:24

Try growing up and not having any more kids until your in your 30s. Jesus

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