Preparing baby for birth

[lennymelons]

Hi all. 35 week FTM here. Is there anything you’d recommend doing to prepare your unborn baby for their upcoming birth? I’m aware she’ll be on quite the journey to meet us and I wondered if there was anything you’d done specifically that helped baby with the transition into the outside world. Thanks

@user1471548941 your replies are quite patronising.
And? The reason is this ‘breathing the baby out’ just isn’t reality. (also see @artio0's frankly awesome description of reality).

P. S. I have birthed more than once with just gas and air, doesn't mean there weren't points where I wasn't begging for drugs because honestly, it isn't the glorious experience people selling hypnobirthing courses want you to believe. If they were honest, they wouldn't make any money off the gullible.

If you have a strong pelvic floor and are muscular and fit your body can push the baby out with contractions so you don’t need to bear down as much. I think that’s what people mean by ‘breathing the baby out’ - but expensive hypnobirthing / nct courses always leave out the physical fitness part.

I snort laughed at the lunch box suggestion.

I think the best way to "prepare" is to accept things might not go the way you want. But they also might. I did hypnobirthing kind of, it just pissed me off more than anything🤷‍♀️

@user1471548941 and I'm thinking you should stop with the bitchy comments towards other posters who have clearly just tried to make the best of the birthing situation for themselves and their newborn.

And I never got to a point where I begged for the drugs, as you did 🤷‍♀️ I think the hypnobirthing helped me get through it without feeling I needed them. So there's a possibility for some that it will help if other circumstances of their birth run smoothly, and it's nice to see that not everyone assumes it's going to be the worst thing ever.

@0nwardsandUpwards you keep tagging the wrong person. As for the rest of it, whatever, I think you should stop recommending trendy and expensive courses that have no proven benefit other than anecdotes, but you won't.

@User12885663 my mistake with the tagging! I'm rubbish with the User+random numbers.

Well no I won't, because the OP has asked for advice for what she could try for her and the baby to have a positive experience and that's what worked for me (and plenty of others on this same thread, and many more on other threads too). I see no sense in being sarcastic about it and bringing negativity to someone who's trying to help themselves 🤷‍♀️ surely better for OP to go into it feeling positive than riddled with anxiety.

OP there's plenty of people who've said hypnobirthing/breathing techniques helped them have a positive experience, myself included, so there's no harm giving it a go like I said in a PP, it didn't mean there were no complications, and I still had a long recovery, but at the time it really helped me to breathe through my contractions and keep a clear head, and I wouldn't be afraid of a future birth.

@0nwardsAndUpwards you are unable to read and retype a string of numbers? I'm sure there's a hypnotist somewhere who, in exchange for some cash, can recommend a technique to help . Failing that there is always copy and paste 🤷🏼‍♀️
As for "positive experience" this is part of the problem - giving birth is not always a positive experience, it is, in actuality, inherently dangerous. Fortunately we have access to excellent medical care that can minimise the risk and part of that medical care may mean epidurals, c-sections or other assisted birth techniques and to eschew those in favour of woo is naive at best. I know so many women who bought into the "we can all have a natural, unmedicated birth if we just get into the right head space" bullshit and then blamed themselves for ending up needing emergency c-sections, assisted births or just not being able to cope with the pain (which is considerable btw, anyone who says other wise is lying). That self blame can cause more trauma than the actual birth so I would recommend to any woman to be prepared, know what might happen, take advice from your midwife but fgs do not waste your money on expensive courses or buy into the woo. Birth may not be, and does not have to be, a positive experience. The important thing is a positive outcome and for many that means a medical birth.

No I'm unable to click the correct 'User...' name from the list of posters that the app gives me

No it's not always a positive experience, but it can be. You hear far more horror stories than you do good ones, but I think that tends to be more because the women who've been through a traumatic time need to talk out their experiences, whereas those who had a positive time don't need to do that (I base that on no statistics other than my own discussion with many friends and family who've had children).

I just don't like to see women come on forums like these asking what they can do to try and have a good experience, to go into it with an open mind, to then be shot down with sarcastic comments like, 'I truly do hope you have the beautiful birth experience you're hoping for. Come back and talk to me when you've actually experienced it.'

Some people do experience that - I did (water birth). Yes it hurt like fuck, but I knew it would. And I needed medical intervention straight after I delivered meaning I had to leave my baby for a couple of hours and be rushed to theatre - but the fact that I'd stayed so calm meant I don't look back at it negatively, it was still all pretty good. So I don't think women should be shot down for doing any preparation they can that may help them get into a good headspace.

I agree about the potential self blame after a birth not going 'to plan' being a worry, but I do think comments like yours are damaging too in the sense it implies that every birth has to be a negative experience - I don't think it's healthy for the OP to focus on that for the next 5 weeks.

FWIW I didn't pay for an expensive course or buy into the woo - I read a book, listened to a couple of podcasts, practised some breathing techniques and just stuck it all into practise on the day.

I won't come back and reply again, we could go backward and forwards on this all night

I think it's a case of having a balance between both the situations that we've discussed - trying to stay into a positive frame of mind, but being aware that birth is not something you can control and just having to deal with anything that comes your way at the time.

OP I wish you a healthy birth and quick recovery!

OP the honest answer is no. The baby knows what s/he needs to do.

In your case you need to make sure your birth plan isn't strict and that your birth partner knows enough about you to make the right decisions if there is an unexpected situation/an emergency.

You can give birth using gas and air andTENs machines but if it doesn't work out make sure you know all your options. The majority of the women I know who had C-sections for their first birth had emergency ones.

No I dont think you can prepare the baby for the transition.

You can prepare yourself for birth by reading upon your options, exercising your pelvic floor and having everything prepared at home in advance.

Tbh I think the only person on this thread who is being close-minded and blinding themselves to different possibilities is User12885663.

Clearly a lot of people who have tried hypnobirthing and other similar relaxation or pain management techniques have found them very helpful - and yet you are adamant that they are all deluding themselves or lying, and everyone will have the same experience as you had!

No one who advocates hypnobirthing claims that it is a magic potion that will magically fix everything, and they are certainly not suggesting you eschew modern medical treatment if it’s needed! In fact they all specifically say that it can be a good complement to other pain relief options or interventions if they end up being needed. There are women who say it helped them feel calm whilst being prepped for an emergency caesarian. OK so it didn’t work for you - so what? There are people whose epidurals don’t work properly too, that doesn’t erase the experiences of people who say they loved their epidural.

OP, there are physiological reasons why practising calming breathing techniques can keep your baby from getting distressed - if it helps keep your heart rate down, inhibits the release of fear hormones and ensures good oxygen supply to your blood, then that helps keep the baby’s heart rate at a steady rate too, even if something unexpected happens. No one is saying it’s some sort of miracle cure, but if you feel like you want to do something positive then it’s worth a try surely.

Oh get a grip. My original reply was in response to someone who has never experienced birth waffling on about "breathing baby out in ideal surroundings" or some such nonsense. 0nwards then decided to pile on me and waffle on about how she endured a 24 hour labour with just gas and air like it makes her some kind of hero. It doesn't.

To be fair hypno birthing can be like breathing the baby out and is very calming, i found it to be like that anyway. Obviously it still hurts and it's hard work but I would say it's defo worth a try and isn't the airy fairy thing some people make it out to be

Yeah mine and how many other peoples experiences across this forum?! 😂 I can never get over one woman asking for positivity and what she can do to try and help herself, and other women 'piling on' with sarcasm and shitty replies.

@GrumpyHoonMain I've been trying to look into ways to improve pelvic floor and physical fitness, have you any suggestions on links or exercises?
Labour sounds like the longest marathon with no timescale and I have always fallen short with regards to stamina!
I niavely believed this fitness/stamina building would be part of antenatal care, any suggestions on what type of fitness is best and how often?

Focus on preparing yourself. Your baby's not sentient yet and will have no recollection whatsoever of being born...

Gosh what have I started

Thank you everyone that has given positive and realistic suggestions. I am not going into this thinking it will be a relaxing experience, but I do know I need to find ways to remain calm and keep my panic attacks at bay.

As for the one negative person on this thread... I will choose to ignore!