Stillbirth support for SIL

[OwnedbyOdessa]

My wonderful SIL delivered her twin girls 2 weeks ago and one of the babies was unfortunately stillborn, the other baby is currently in NICU. At the moment she doesn't want anyone visiting her, I've messaged her to let her know we are here and we love her and to let us know if there's anything we can do? And she sent back thank you lovely x
Does anyone have experience of how we can best support her? I don't want to message her again, but I honestly am just so sad for her and her husband.
It has been a massive shock as she was being monitored every week and is only 29 and fit and healthy.
Does anyone have any advice on how we can support, or any podcasts/books which helped, things people said or did which helped and things which definitely didn't. We just want to be as mindful as possible, my SIL is an only child with no immediate family and I really don't want her feeling isolated and alone.
Thank you!

Hi op, my SIL went through similar last year. All you can do is be there for her, listen to her and keep checking in. Also don't forget the baby that she's lost. I had a star named after the baby my SIL lost, it wouldn't be for everyone but my way of saying she won't be forgotten. I'm sorry for your loss x

Thank you so much for your kind post, other baby girl is doing well thankfully 🙏
I love your star idea, so thoughtful 💕

I think sometimes in times of difficulty, people don't know how to deal with offers to do 'anything', because it's not clear what that means (and realistically, 'anything' probably has some sort of limits to it). If she's not at a place yet to be ready to ask people for help - even with really mundane things - that would make a difference, it might be helpful to think about the practicalities of her current situation and offer something specific that could be of use. That was she can take you up on it or not, but she doesn't have to do the mental processing of thinking about how you can help, if that makes sense.

The only thing you can do is be there when they need you. Don’t worry if they are quiet at the moment, they have a lot to process. Don’t say nothing though, I found that when I lost my baby last year people saying nothing was the worst, I’d rather someone say to me there’s nothing I can say that will make you feel any better just know I’m here if you need anything. There’s a good podcast on YouTube by giovanna fletcher with Elle Wright & Michelle cottle (I think that’s their names) there’s also a documentary on all4 called child of mine. Don’t say things like at least you’ve got the other one. Otherwise there’s not really anything you can “do”.