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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Asked if my pregnancy was planned

25 replies

Matthew1967 · 10/03/2020 13:11

I have just had my first discussion with my nurse. She asked if my pregnancy was planned . I found this really intrusive. She then reluctantly took my blood pressure. The whole experience made me feel low.

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Bitofeverything · 10/03/2020 13:14

I wouldn’t worry. If it wasn’t planned, you might not be on folic acid etc, so think they need to know for medical reasons not to judge!

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 10/03/2020 13:20

Yes I think the only person who can ask this without insult is a medical professional and only for medical purposes. It does give them an insight into your current frame of mind.

However, anyone else that asks this can get in the bin!

Wanderer1 · 10/03/2020 13:26

I'm sorry it wasn't a good experience for you and left you feeling low. Nurses and midwives do ask this to see if you will have been taking care of yourself sufficiently, there's no judgement.
Some HCP give really good vibes while others don't. Not all your appointments will leave you feeling down.

Bol87 · 10/03/2020 13:33

I don’t think that was meant to be judgemental. Midwives & nurses will ask that question in case you perhaps haven’t been taking folic acid or you’ve fallen pregnant on the pill or with the coil that may need attention. And also to just check all is OK. To offer extra support if you are struggling with the news or if you may need signposting to support further down the line, such as financial etc if the pregnancy has come as a shock!

Don’t be upset, they weren’t being judgemental! And regardless, a good place to start building a thicker skin. You’ll get a lot of annoying & judgemental comments/advice while pregnant and a parent!

Catlover10 · 10/03/2020 13:38

My pregnancy wasn’t planned but I haven’t felt judged about it by any of the medical professionals so far, they never asked many questions about it and didn’t lecture me about contraception etc, they just focused on the facts and they are that I am now pregnant. I wouldn’t feel upset over it, it’s normal for them to have to ask!

maria2bela · 10/03/2020 13:41

I was asked this and sorry to say I do think it's intrusive, I know it wasn't to do with ruling out any potential complications because she then proceeded to ask me if the father was on board with having a baby and if we planned to. The questions are by the 100 and are very intrusive

Mysocalledlifexx · 10/03/2020 13:42

I got asked this by a female doctor who was about 60+ because our baby wasnt planned got asked if i wanted an abortion which made me angry and sick as im so against abortion.
im also older & married so made me feel like a teenager.
Now have a lovely 4 month old.
My midwife & health visitor were amazing.

Pinkbunny2811 · 10/03/2020 13:44

Sorry it made you feel uncomfortable.

If a medical professional asks you anything that you makes you feels bad, question them as to why they are asking that question.

You've had some really good answers here. An unplanned pregnancy can throw up certain things that midwives and doctors need to do differently to the norm or just be able to offer you advice on things which you may not be aware of.

Don't feel down, enjoy your pregnancy and maybe see a different midwife next time x

littlejalapeno · 10/03/2020 13:44

I get it OP, but they’re assessing what kind of care to give you. So please don’t feel judged. A “friend” of DP asked him privately if the baby was planned. DP said yup and only then would the guy congratulate us 🙄 Some people are weird, but your nurse was defo not being weird by asking that. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

BogOffWinter · 10/03/2020 13:45

If your DOB is 1967 (going by your username?) you’ll be 49/50 which is probably why they’ve asked if the pregnancy was planned - not many women that age can conceive naturally and decided to have a baby and if you weren’t attempting to get pregnant they have a duty to make sure you want to continue with your pregnancy and support you in whatever you decide. I can’t comment on why they would have been reluctant to take your blood pressure though, maybe it was just your perception of things?

Perhaps you’ll get on better with your midwife instead of the nurse?

Saoirse22 · 10/03/2020 14:45

Was that with a nurse before your first appointment with the midwife? If so, you'll be asked again on your booking appointment. I was and the midwife put it in my maternity records, it's noted on the very first page.

I didn't find it intrusive at all, it simply felt like something that is important to ask so they can discuss your diet and supplements properly.

Bezalelle · 10/03/2020 14:51

My midwife asked this. She also asked if my husband planned to take our baby to his home country after it was born, which I thought was weird. But they ask these things as a matter of course.

LouLouLoo · 10/03/2020 14:57

I think this question is always asked. There is a greater chance that the Mum isn’t taking folic acid if the baby was unplanned.

Also, an unplanned pregnancy can sometimes affect the mental health of Mum. They may also discuss options with you or make sure you have been able to access that information.

They’re asking to ensure your wellbeing, not to judge.

Tentativesteps133 · 10/03/2020 15:06

They will have been asking for a medical reason, as mentioned upthread.

I was asked the same question by multiple work colleagues in each pregnancy - and they are definitely colleagues rather than friends - which did feel extremely intrusive!!

Kl129 · 10/03/2020 15:07

I was asked this too and my midwife and said it was just to check if I was taking correct supplements and was happy with the pregnancy, she also said if it was planned then they check how long it took to conceive to rule out any issues there.

Ours wasn’t planned so that was irrelevant for me, but she was lovely about it and we agreed it was a very happy accident!

sprinklemagicinmyhair · 10/03/2020 15:07

@BogOffWinter

If your DOB is 1967 (going by your username?) you’ll be 49/50 which is probably why they’ve asked if the pregnancy was planned -

If you are going by user name OP is called MATTHEW

BogOffWinter · 10/03/2020 15:35

@sprinklemagicinmyhair I was assuming that it was either partners or sons name, didn’t want to disbelieve someone just because their name is from a gender that can’t carry a baby. You get told off quite severely for that.

My point stands about age if that is the OPs real DOB though, I’ve had three pregnancies and never been asked if it was a planned pregnancy. However my mum was pregnant at the same time in her early 40s and was asked. Neither of us ever saw a nurse during pregnancy either though, it was always the midwife but perhaps different areas do things differently

sprinklemagicinmyhair · 10/03/2020 15:42

I'm glad you think your point stands. Ridiculous as it is.

PrinnyPree · 10/03/2020 17:09

I think they just need to get as much background history as possible, if its unplanned you may have been drinking/taking recreational drugs and not been taking folic acid. I also don't mind if a medical professional asks about abortion, I like that those options are not considered taboo.

I was really pleased that I was asked about DV too without my husband present (who is lovely and not abusive) I just thought I'm really glad they do these backgrounds for the sake of mother and baby. Sorry it upset you and please don't take it to heart, it's just to get a good picture and to help the small percentage of people who these questions apply to by asking everyone indiscriminately. x

BogOffWinter · 10/03/2020 17:12

@sprinklemagicinmyhair you’re the one that’s being ridiculous love, away and simmer down.

Gracie90 · 10/03/2020 17:30

Yeah they asked me this with both pregnancies. On the surface it feels rude but it's just to see where you are at and to potentially ease them into other questions they may need to address, like for example if you had been drinking like a fish, no folic acid, no social support etc. It's an intrusive time in general, believe me by the time u get to the end and everyone has seen your bits this won't seem so bad.

Original poster

Matthew1967 · 11/03/2020 21:36

Thank you all for your advice. I was using my partners name as username😀

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BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/03/2020 06:05

With my DD, I went to see my doctor before the midwife. I told him I was pregnant and he asked if it was planned. I said no so he asked if I wanted to proceed and I said yes. He wasn’t being judgmental or intrusive. He needed to know to offer me the best support.

With this pregnancy, I was asked by the midwife if it was planned. It was a yes this time and I offered the information of how long we had been trying.

With rare exceptions, HCPs are not judging you or trying to intrude in your life. They are doing their job and trying to offer you the best care.

I was asked repeatedly with DD if she was planned by friends, family, randoms even though the answer was clearly no. As a PP said, those people could fuck off!

BelleBox19 · 12/03/2020 09:17

I think a midwife/doctor always asks this question when you first visit them about a pregnancy. Unless it's a random, judgemental person I don't think it should be offensive.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/03/2020 09:20

Why were you offended? What do you think she was implying?

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