Mental health/pregnancy

[TellMeMore2020]

Hi all, I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant. Our baby was planned and when we found out of course we were over the moon. We found out when I was 8 weeks pregnant and a week later my mum passed away (Christmas Day) from a terminal illness. I have been struggling ever since to be happy. I have suffered with depression for a few years and am taking Fluoxetine 20mg every day - still doing so during this pregnancy as the doctor/midwife advised. Over the past few weeks to months I have been so incredibly low and tired, so much so I have had thoughts of death (no plans- just thoughts). I've been to my gp who told me to continue my medicine and doesn't advise taking a higher dose because of being pregnant. He's aware of these thoughts and couldn't give me much guidance on what I could do. I'm confused as to whether it's grieving, hormones, depression or a culmination of all 3 that I'm struggling with. Probably all! Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I'm really struggling. I don't know whether to change medication or is that dangerous? I really want this dark cloud to lift so I can enjoy my pregnancy and look forward to being a mum but right now I am not there mentally or emotionally 🙁

I’m so sorry for your loss.
It is likely a culmination of all 3. I would ask your midwife for a referral to the perinatal mental team so they can maybe review your medication. Your GP is likely not skilled enough for the medication side of things and I always find them super cautious during pregnancy. They can also offer therapy and other coping mechanisms.

I think losing your own mum at a time when you are about to become a mum has robbed you of the excitement. Of course you are still grieving. And with the baby coming it's likely to be bitter sweet because your mum isn't here to share the happiness with you and support you through the hard times. So I guess things might get worse before getting better and you'll probably grieve again when the baby comes.
I also take fluoxetine. I think staying on it is wise. It can't magic the grief away but what you are feeling is natural and a different antidepressant can't magic the pain away either. You're going through a bad time but you'll have good days along the way and with time the pain will heal.

Being pregnant you may be able to get a quick referral for NHS counselling. I've managed to get counselling free through the nhs with no waiting time! I'm 29 weeks pregnant. Speak to yoru GP and midwife for a referral. I highly recommend counselling. I honestly believe it is only you who can explore why you are feeling the way you are and counselling gives you the space to do this.

Hi OP,

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time at the moment and that you lost someone so dear to you.

I think it's all of the above...pregnancy screws with your head and body, grief is probably the most physically and emotionally draining thing you can go through then depression on top is only going to amplify all those negative feelings.

First things first, is remember you will come out the other side but just accepting this is how you feel right is probably the first step rather than fighting it. You have very genuine reasons to be feeling how you're feeling.

I loss my Nan on 22 Dec 2018, 8 months before I fell pregnant - she was probably the person I was most close to. Even now, I'm struggling with my grief and will do for a long time. I now find my anxiety is through the roof - I've been off meds for 7 years but some days feel like I'm right back at the start when I was at my very worst.

I'm not sure about medications - I know that they don't like switching them when you're pregnant. Are you taking any supplements I.e. vitamin D, B12 etc I found if my Vit d and b12 get low, I get very lethargic and then that effects my mood immensely.

I've also found grief groups helpful - I started going to one near my work called the new normal. Even just listening to other people's stories, experiences and ways of coping really helped. Maybe have a look what's in your area? I'm presuming that with your mums illness there was a palliative care team and they usually have support in place for relatives as well, so may be worth contacting them?

I spoke to my midwife and explained that I'm struggling both physically and mentally - there's been steps put in place now so that if I get any worse I can ring the perinatal team to get support now and when the baby is born.

Talk to the people that care about you is the biggie - I very much tried to deal with my grief/anxieties on my own and then would break down on the regular with my partner. All my friends thought I was managing and were quite shocked when I explained how bad I was feeling. I don't know whether that's something you've done but don't shy away from being emotional or honest with other people. We all lose someone we love eventually and it's the one thing that a lot of us can relate with.

Sorry for the long post! Xxxx

I didn’t find fluoxetine helpful at all. I felt more upset, anxious and just overall shitty when on it. I went from 20-60mg and at no point was it helpful, it made everything a million times worse.

Switched over to 50mg of sertraline, and I have honestly never felt so good. The worse symptoms I have now is just a small bit of anxiety with locking the front door, that’s all.

@meadows89

My partner isn't as helpful as I need him to be. I think he finds it hard to understand grief because he's not experienced it in his life yet. He's also under the impression a good walk with rid me of my depression.
I tend to go to my sister or brother for support before him.

I'm going to speak to the perinatal team first thing tomorrow. I can't go on feeling this way.

I've heard sertraline is safe in pregnancy. 🤞🤞

I honestly don't know where to turn next.

I've been having serious mental health problems and the consultant at the perinatal mental health team just prescribed me quetiapine, which a GP and a nurse both said they wouldnt prescribe. The consultant said it's all about weighing up risk and a low dose of that is less risky than my mental health being so poor and the side effects of that.

Hope it gets easier soon.

I've never heard of that one before. I'll do some research on it now. They tell me to weigh up the benefits and risks too.. it frightens me to think about stopping my medication so I continue to take it.

I hope you feel better soon

I'd take the advice of the doctors at the perinatal mental health team as they are very knowledgeable about medications in pregnancy and what might be right for you and your circumstances x

You will most likely need your GP to refer you to the perinatal mental health team, if there is one operational in your area (more likely if you’re in a city).

As a PP said, you can be fast tracked for IAPT counselling or CBT which are the talking therapies available via your GP.

Well done for seeking help. I’m sorry you lost your mum. Grieving and pregnancy make for a hard combination of emotions, I can empathise with this, it’s tough.