High risk pregnancy support

[LittleMrsMama]

I'm really struggling and just looking for any support or advice. We found out 2 months ago that we were 'high risk' after our NT was high (despite no 'usual' risk factors - DH and myself being young, non smokers, good weight etc). After lots of tests we've found health problems with the baby and been told that likely the baby will survive to be born but will need to be rushed straight for tests and treatment and I might have to deliver early if health worsens.

I'm 22 weeks and only told close friends and family I'm pregnant. Most don't even know we're 'high risk' and I haven't told anyone at work yet apart from my boss but it's becoming so obvious and people are looking at my belly. Someone even asked my boss if I was pregnant.

I'm feeling so down with it all and it's just not the pregnancy I thought I would have. I don't know whether to go ahead with my baby shower as planned but then wouldn't know what to say to people if I cancel it.

In our heads we planned to post the news on Facebook but now just feel weird about posting until the baby is here and safe but I know people would be upset not to know and also it was only yesterday someone asked me 'when are you planning on having kids?' - Upsetting enough at the moment with my anxiety but I can't imagine questions like that if something bad happened to the baby.

DH is trying to be positive, but almost too positive like it's delusional (health condition will only stay the same or get worse but he seems to be 'hoping' that we'll have a scan in a few weeks and actually all will be okay).

Sorry for the rant. I just feel so down and alone right now. I don't want the hospital to see how upset I am because they're already not giving us the full truth and worry they'll hold back even more if they saw how it was affecting me.

Anyone gone through something similar and have advice?

Didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry you've been going through this. Pregnancy seems like such a lark from the outside but it's 100% worry once in it.

Re cancelling baby shower/announcing on Facebook. It's your pregnancy, so what you need to do. Others understand more than you think, and if they don't, they're probably not that great friends and would have fallen away sooner or later anyway.

I never understand the Facebook announcement, but this comes from experience of multiple losses and difficulty conceiving. People with perfect fertility will never understand, people who have had easy pregnancies the same. Allow yourself to grieve for the pregnancy you thought you would have, take the time to be kind to yourself and ask your doctor loads of questions. I mean loads. I will stop you seeing something in a place like this and suddenly panicking more. They will tell you the truth - they have to even if they think it will make you upset. If you think they haven't been truthful then speak with PALS at your hospital.

Good luck OP, I hope you have some answers you need soon.

High risk for what? This might help as you may get people who can relate or have experienced what you have experienced..

@LittleMrsMama I work with families facing issues like yours and recognise that this is a very difficult and confusing time for you. Please feel free to PM me if you want to discuss things privately. In my experience it is best to be totally honest with parents about what the concerns are for baby , but in many cases it is very hard to know how things will turn out. Sending you love x

@swishswashswoosh thank you for sharing your experience and advice, it's so helpful. I completely agree re fb. When we told some very close family the news I don't think they understood we would be upset and said 'it's good the baby is still alive' of course I'm grateful for that. I can't describe my feeling when they say that but almost as though I wasn't expecting to be pregnant and then be told 'be glad your baby is alive' - I doubt anyone with a healthy pregnancy is ever told that unless it's by a person who has faced miscarriage or stillbirth.

@june2007 the baby has skin edema (currently not classed as Hydrops because it's in one fetal compartment but essentially the same as Hydrops but in one compartment).

Thanks @Sussexmidwife I'll definitely take you up on that - once I work out how to PM :p

Also @swishswashswoosh I'm so sorry to hear about your challenges - I hope things have or will work out for you in the end

I would want to find out more as goggling them both you get different results. My sister was told her bby was high risk for hydropss. (He iddn,t have it.) Heart probs. 9He doesn,t have it.) And ds (He does.) . I would want more tests, and find out if there is a support group for you. It must be a very worrying time.

Thanks @june2007, I hope your nephew is doing okay, it's good to hear that he didn't have Hydrops and heart problems and hope your sister is managing okay with the DS. Thanks for the suggestion re support group.

It was all very fresh and I was feeling extra emotional when I wrote this post! I wanted to say a HUGE thank you to @Sussexmidwife who I've spoken to separately and has been a brilliant support and provided reassurance. I cannot thank her enough and everyone else. It's brilliant to have Mumsnet and I feel so much less alone now.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Ds = down syndrome not darling son.

I've only just come across this thread.

I'm 34 weeks and high risk. With all this corona virus going on I'm even more anxious. When I seen the midwife around 6/7 weeks she did a score and it came back that I was high risk so needed to see a consultant. I have the following:

High BMI
Previous TIA stroke aged 21
Mum died suddenly from heart attack aged 42
Dad mental health problems
The fact I've had therapy in the past
Vitiligo skin condition
Family history of diabetes

Not a bundle of laughs....

I've had to take tinzaparin injections every day into my tummy to help reduce the risk of preclamsia.

I've been sick most days since September. Tried different antisickness tablets but nothing has helped.

I've lost over 2 stone as I can't keep food down..

So many appointments with different doctors, blood tests and scans.

At 28 weeks I had the glucose test and my fasting reading was over by 0.1 so I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes. At this point I was devastated and couldn't take much more. I had to go on a very strict diet which was tough. At this point I got my appitie back and just wanted to eat shit but couldn't. Having the prick my finger 4 times a day which I hate.

My readings were still over 5.3 in the mornings so I had to start even more medication which made me violently sick.

Now I'm in this crazy situation where all my appointments are now cancelled and have to do phone call appointments. All the classes I was going to all cancelled. Now I'm having to go to hospital on my own for scans and today my hospital announced that your 1 birthing partner can be with you for labour but then have to leave.. There was a high chance of me being induced at 38 weeks but now if that happens I'll be doing it alone.

Before this virus I wasn't allowed a water birth, epidural and was told a c section was too risky for me.

I was already anxious about being a mum and labour but now I'm completely terrified and can't face it.

Hi @ChickenNugget86,

I'm so sorry to hear about all your risks and that you're feeling distressed with the pregnancy and Coronavirus? Apart from Gestational Diabetes have the scans so far shown any abnormalities with the baby? If so try to take comfort in that as you're quite far along and I'm sure if something was seriously wrong and they could see it via the scans they would have picked it up. I know it's easier said than done though and it's such a worrying time.

I've also had scans and appointments cancelled which is heartbreaking as we need to keep checking on the baby to make sure her swelling hasn't spread. Fortunately I'm only 6 months pregnant so still while to go and would definitely be feeling much more anxious about the birth and support from staff if I was as far along as you.

That's really upsetting with your hospital asking birthing partners to go home immediately after the birth. I've heard some ladies have been told no birthing partners at all. Not sure if it's also your first baby but I can't imagine going through this without DH by my side, particularly when there's a risk that something could go wrong and I'd have to grieve alone.

Have you been able to get through to your midwife at all to talk about your concerns? You may even find that after losing so much of weight your lower BMI may give you a few more birth options? It sounds like you've had a really tough time though - I do feel for you!

Keeping everything crossed the little one can make it until your due date and things would have calmed down and be as normal as they can by then. Here to chat if you need