how to tell my children that I'm expecting new baby with new partner

[tots38]

I was just wondering if anyone has suggetions on the best way to tackle the job of telling my 3 children from my marriage which ended 2 1/2 years ago that I'm expecting a baby with new partner who i've been with for 2 years and who gets on great with my kids and who will be moving in with us shortly. Just don't know how they will react. Am 12 weeks and was going to wait for my scan at 14 weeks before telling them.

Congratulations tots38. Don't worry, children don't register "who's the father" in their top 100 questions about a new arrival imho.
They will want to know are you happy, will you be ok, will you still love them, will it be a boy or a girl, what names will it have etc etc etc.
Unless they are teenagers maybe they'll have a few personal questions but a new baby coming can really only be good news

Thanks northstar for your comment, unfortunately 2 of my 3 kids didn't see it like this. I told them last night and I've never seen them so upset. They burst into tears and went upstairs to trash their room. 1 of them said to get rid of it or get it adopted. When it came round to the fact that I actually wanted this baby it made the situation even worse. Aren't we enough? 1 of them said (they are 11 and nearly 10. I don't think it really registered with my daughter who is nearly 6. It was an awful night, woke up with puffy eyes. I feel that we have gone back months in them accepting my new partner as now they said they will live with their dad if Mat moves in. I know that alot of what was said was just through them being angry but I don't know what to do now. Do I keep talking about it or try and forget about the baby for the time being and concentrate on them?

Wow, sounds like your having a rough time. If I were you, Id keep quiet about the baby for a while, give them time to come round to the idea..they have to. Im sure they will get excited eventually, especially the girls, once they see baby clothes, and prams. It may take time, and a bit of effort, but as long as you explain to them that you still love them, and wont feel any different, then they should feel ok about it.

Hi Tots
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm afraid I don't have any great experience of this - but Mumzy's advice sounds good. Give them time, and keep them involved etc and maybe they will come round. It's the shock I suppose that has made them react like this. Also maybe they think life is going to change dramatically - so perhaps try and reassure them that they will still get same amount of love from you.
I am pg and have a stepdaughter who is 9 but luckily she's taken the news well (so far, baby due in 2 weeks so we'll see!). She responded well to scan photos, and also to the positive reactions of other relatives.
Good luck!

I would have thought your 6 year old girl would like to help you take care of the baby? My brother was born when I was 5 and I thought he was MY baby! Maybe it is best to talk to your 6 yr old separately from the older 2.

it's understandable that your kids will have some conflicting emotions about your pregnancy but they will have to accept it on some level eventually.

I think all that you can offer is unconditional love and support, explain that you're open to any questions and worries BUT don't let their threats of living with their father scare you too much. If you assure them that you are still their mum, you are never going to stop loving them I don't see how they can keep up the tears for too long (fingers crossed anyway)

You still have quite a few months before the baby comes and a lot can happen in that time. It's definitely not up to them to tell you to get rid of it!

I think that you and DP should show a united front, not draw too much attention to it and show that for the next few months at least, life will continue as normal.

We recently told my teenage DSD and although there were a lot of tears she did talk it through and seemed to calm down quite a lot.

Emotional upset is OK for a while, try not to get too stressed, you need to take it easy, and congratulations!

xx

just wanted to say i feel for you tots38. Not sure what to suggest re your older 2 childrens reaction. My ds(aged 7) was aware dp and I were trying for baby so kind of prepared him. He did go through a brief stage of saying he didnt like me being pregnant, I have got him really involved, I refer to beanie as 'our baby' collectively. He has helped with names, come to scans, heard heartbeat and is officially the toy master. I dont know if any of this may help. Perhaps trying ot get your older 2 involved. Explain that love doesnt have limits and you have known them for longer and loved them for longer.