What were/are your OH like during pregnancy?

[KittyKat2020]

My OH one day is amazing and can’t do enough, he’ll want to talk about baby and buy stuff then on other days it’s like baby doesn’t exist, it’s confusing!
It’s like he wants it to be just us going out having fun but at the same time can’t wait to have a family?!
Any ideas, I try and involve him in everything?

When you say it’s like the baby doesn’t exist, what do you mean by that? What does or doesn’t he do, specifically, that bothers you?

Like he wants to carry on being a couple so going out drinking (can’t do due to baby), not thinking or wanting to discuss about finances, kicking up a fuss about missing a days work to go to a scan. Things like that. It’s both our first baby and yeah been the one carrying it I’m more invested I suppose and I get it’s hard for blokes at first but still sometimes it grates me like when I say I’m tired or hungry and what his doing comes first

@KittyKat2020 you could still go out for drinks just non alcoholic or go for meal and drinks I still do both of these not as much and not as much fun but it's a compromise to still do things as a couple before baby comes, the missing work for Scan is totally a man thing they dont get how important it is and the joy you get from seeing the baby until its actually here as they dont have as close bond yet and personally if your hungry just feed your self and let him be he will soon get the message xx

You can't change your whole life to revolve around the baby. You need a good balance.

You can still go out.
Didn’t have scans when I was expecting so can’t answer that. Although I went on my own to ante natal appointments.
Life doesn’t stop or revolve round a pregnancy.

My DH was great but tbh he didn't have much of a choice. I wasn't really able to walk by the time I delivered so really needed help with so many things. He also loved our scans and teared up at a couple. Everyone is different though, he doesn't have the same connection you have yet. Also we've been able to go out for meals and things relatively easily as DS is still young enough to sleep well in his pram.

We’re on our 3rd and it still gets dp a while to ‘get warmed up’. You’re 100% invested from the second you suspect there’s a chance of baby and it can become all consuming. Nothing much really changes for him until he can physically see you changing or even really until you go into labour and he’s faced with the reality!

DP is very much a last minute man and we work on completely different timescales so when I was planning names and nurseries he was still months off doing the same because ‘we’ve got loads of time’.

I’d be annoyed at him not wanting to take time off for scans but, as it’s your first, it’s likely that there’s some nerves and denial there. If you’ve got a sociable life with lots of freedom it may be hard for him to give that up (not that it won’t be for you!). Have you told him how you feel?

I do think it’s a bit of both maybe. You can (and should) still go out, you don’t need to drink alcohol just because you’re out, and you should still have a life besides being a parent, or parent to be. I do think it’s very important to try and maintain a relationship besides ‘mum and dad’, and continue to talk about and think about other topics too.
I would be annoyed about the scan. I mean, it’s only twice and it helps their connection with the baby imo.

The not wanting to discuss finances would worry me. What's his reasoning? You absolutely need to work out how finances will work, it's very important.

it grates me like when I say I’m tired or hungry and what his doing comes first

What do you mean? Does he not let you rest?

FWIW my DH did everything he possibly could for me when pregnant, he loved going to the scans and felt bonded with the bump.

He really should be a little more considerate - you're growing a baby and it's hard work! Tbh my husband is pretty good - he comes to all of my appts (that I ask him to come to), brings me food/snacks/water when requested and is pretty understanding about my exhaustion and moodiness.

About going for drinks - I'm happy to go out still and just have a coke or something, but he will need to understand that it's not that fun sitting and watching other people drink while you can't 😂

Do you honestly expect him to have no social life with his mates for 9 months? My husband still went out and saw his mates weekly, got pissed etc. I didn't mind, he was still the loving sweet man he always was and still is.

He was never the type to cradle my bump and talk to it lovingly. Actually he was more the type to leap away shrieking if he saw a baby's knee sweep from side to side in my belly and i would laugh my head off at him!

He fancied me more and more the more pregnant i became as he saw it as so womanly. I liked that.

But we just got on with life as before, just (for me) minus the alcohol and a few more early nights. We didn't talk endlessly about birth or placentas or prams, he just wasn't the type and i was fine with that.

But during the birth he was fabulous, and has always been a wonderful dad to all 3 of our boys. ❤❤

Thanks for everyone’s replies it’s good to know everyone’s different.
Upon speaking at length to him I think his slowly coming round to things. His never gone out with mates anyway and prefers to go out with me which is lovely and we do go out but I don’t enjoy him getting pissed as he can sometimes be a bit of an idiot but I’m perfectly able to cope.
It’s obvious it’s just going to take a bit of time to get used to the idea and for him to be less selfish tbh there’s a lot going on so it’s not all simple but when babies here things will change anyway

My bf been pretty useless so far. I've more or less been dealing with the morning sickness to myself as when I have told him about feeling rough he just said "well what did u expect?". Hoping after the scan it'll kick his butt into gear

Is he going to sit down and discuss finances with you?

My OH is pretty clueless when it comes to money and organisation and I'm definitely the organiser and sorter-outer in our relationship. He is happy to know that I've got it all sorted and as long as it's got everything it needs hes not interested in looking at various designs of changing mats etc, whereas I'm obsessively looking at things! Hes been to all my midwife and hospital appointments and likes me telling him what the apps I have say it can do now and how big it is. But when it comes to symptoms he just doesnt get it at all no matter how many times I tell him I'm growing a human and of course I'm going to be tired he still says 'yeah but it's only 8pm!' as if I'm just putting it on and cant be bothered to do whatever it was we were meant to be doing/watching together on tv. I've just come to accept that if he cant see it, he doesnt get it! But that doesnt mean he doesnt care!

I'm only 16w but so far my DH has been amazing, he's not moaned at all when i was knackered and feeling ill in first trimester and he had to pick up more of the housework/cooking. He's been eager to attend all appointments - didn't seem as bowled over by the scan as I was, but then said "well i've known you're pregnant so it's already been real". He's even stopped drinking in solidarity, and set up a savings account for the bump! I'm aware I'm very lucky. I've got a good one

My husband has been fantastic looked after me really well in the first trimester when I was feeling rough and nauseous almost in the 3rd trimester now and he is so attentive and really appreciates what my body is doing, he has been to all apps and was v emotional at the first one I think it really blew him away it's a miracle really when you think about it x