Pregnant, recently single and he’s seeing someone

[Chaoticmumlife]

I guess I’m writing here because I don’t know where to turn to if I’m honest. I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with my 4th. All my Other children are under the age of 5. Me and my ex split in January, (He’s dad to all kids) he finished it with me after him cheating on me when I was 16 weeks pregnant I stupidly forgave him but couldn’t forget, I was paranoid and he eventually felt guilty and had enough of me needing reassurance.

Since then he’s been very hot and cold with me, telling me we both need to find ourselves but hopefully can get back together within time. Now I know I should just be saying ‘see ya later’ to him but at the minute I can’t. I’m blaming the pregnancy hormones and vulnerability.

He lives across the road from me, so still constantly in and out each others house. He was buying me roses & chocolates for Valentine’s Day took me out for dinner, keeps telling me he still loves me etc. Telling me he can’t not have me in his life basically all the talk.....

Then he went cold on me, I had a gut instinct there was a women involved. He kept telling me there wasn’t and if there was he would tell me, but he isn’t interested in getting involved with someone else etc.

Last week he stayed out thur/fri came back in the daytimes but every morning when he left wherever he was he would ring and tell me he’s been at his mates and blah blah blahhhhh. I found out on Sunday that he’s actually been seeing someone for a couple of weeks.

He admitted it to me after I found out he was crying saying he didn’t want me to find out because he doesn’t want to hurt me 😐 amongst all other bullshit talk.

He said he would tell her he’s taking a step back in order to be there for me and the children. And to help me get through the rest of the pregnancy. He saying he wants to come to scans and be at the birth like he has the others. And wants to support me.

I feel like shit, like a constant pain in my heart. After thinking over things I’ve started to think what’s the point in him stopping seeing her? Yes it’s hurting me BUT if he wants to be seeing someone then should I just let him carry on? Am i pro longing the period of me getting over it?

Also I think the quicker he gets on with it the quicker it will be over as I just think it’s a rebound and he’s just going there as and when for sex.

We have been together 6 years and have 3 soon to be 4 children together.

He said that she knows about me but I don’t know if that’s true or not I think he will be spinning all the talk to her. She has children too.

We’re having a talk today I asked him to come speak with me because I think I’m just going to tell him to carry on seeing her if he wants too and that if he does want that I’ll still let him come to scans and be at the hospital when I have the baby but not in the room.

If he’s adamant he doesn’t want to carry on seeing her whilst I’m pregnant (He said he’s not and hasn’t seen her since I’ve found out) then I’ll let him be in the room to support me too.

Is this too much to ask? My heads a mess I have baby’s /toddlers I’m still looking after and I just find myself crying most of the time. I’d love to hear outsiders views on this please xx

You poor thing but honestly he sounds like a cheating loser. I don't think what you say about whether he can or can't see her won't make any difference - he cheated during your relationship after all - so try not to let that cause you any worry. He will do what he wants.

Try to focus on a life without him as your partner and make plans for you and baby that don't include him. It's painful I'm sure but he is only going to bring you more pain so no point trying to defer that.

I'm so sorry your going this. I know from experience that a leopard never changes its spots. My ex kept getting caught out but because we had kids together 2 at the time I kept forgiving him. He did it again when I was heavily pregnant with my third. This time I tried again to make it work but just couldn't forget and eventually said enoughs enough. Kicked him out and let him have kids on set days. Was the best thing I ever did. I'm so happy now 4 years later with a new supportive partner and baby on the way. Cut ties give him set days where he collects kids takes them then leaves them back to you after. U need time to urself and constantly being in each others houses isn't giving you the space u need to sort out ur feelings u need time and space.

OP I'm so sorry your going through this, I couldnt just read and run. I dont have any advice but I hope your ok x

If he’s adamant he doesn’t want to carry on seeing her whilst I’m pregnant

So once the baby's born its bye bye and off to the other woman?
Do you have family or friends that can support you through the pregnancy and afterwards. What's the point of him being there for the pregnancy if he's not going to be there to support you afterwards. If he's not being a proper dad then best he lets you build a new life.

I’m not sure you should base whether he’s in the delivery room on whether he’s still seeing her or not. He has proved he can’t be trusted so even if he says he isn’t, he probably will be. I’m not sure that ultimatum will help anything.

If you don’t want him there, he doesn’t have to be there. Do you have a friend who can support you?

This is horrible you're very brave. Sounds like torture for you. What a selfish man he is.
Ive also broken up with my babies dad for other reasons and I couldn't take him back but all the same I'd still be gutted if he started seeing someone else whilst I was pregnant. Seems so low.
Do what is right for you at scans and the birth

It hurts so bad. But I think I’ve answered my own questions. I need to just get on with it alone. I can’t rely on him, I don’t need him for anything. He doesn’t support me in anyway and I find myself crying more days than most.

So what the hell am I doing I’m so angry at myself

Get rid, complete waste of space. Same has happened with the father of my fourth child. Wouldn’t bother and tell him to do everything himself if that is his attitude. Limit the amount of time you interact with him and no I wouldn’t give him the luxury of being there for scans or birth as he’s fake he’s not exactly excited about the birth when he’s seeing someone else and hurting you. I’d cut off. And just so you know he moved across the road from you on purpose so he has the luxury of still keeping an eye on you, getting you to do all the dirty work while he sleeps but having the luxury of calling himself single. Bin him

It's easy for us to say but honestly, you need to put some absolute proper boundaries in place and do not let him use his older children as a weapon. I would infact be inclined to distance from all 3 of them which I know must be awful but his actions have consequences and not just in himself.

he Will do the same to her consider it that she’s done you a favour and given you a chance to find someone at some point that exactly deserves you. Nothing special about her let her deal with him. Relax enjoy your pregnancy and your children without him and if he knocks for now don’t answer him till you recover as your in a lot of pain

Your absolutely right. He’s just walked in my house and said I’m sorry for being a c**t you know what I’m like in the mornings. And walked back out. Like he thinks that’s ok.

Yea he doesn’t care about anybody but himself. I’m going to start focusing on the idea of him not being involved at all. He hardly bothers with the kids we already have, he just wants to have that luxury of saying that he’s been there for all births of kids and how brill of a dad he is but the reality is the opposite.

And yes it’s one rule for him and one for me. But no more, I have to do what’s right for me. And it is having distance and keeping him away from me. He thinks a shitty apology is acceptable to make me sit and question myself over a shower of shit like him. No more.

I’ve a history of depression (since I lost my mum suddenly) and for the past few weeks I’ve felt like I’m crashing, I spoke to midwife who told me to book to see my gp. I’ve just done that I’m going to get professional help to help myself.

I constantly living on the edge and feeling like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown

You know we are exactly alike lost my mother and grieving still. Suffer with depression also. You are a lot stronger and need to be for the sake of those beautiful children you have and for your unborn child as well. It is HIS loss not yours. I swear you will get though it but distance yourself focus on yourself and your children forget him promise you will be happier. After a storm comes a rainbow. After you give birth focus on yourself change your hair do whatever makes you happy, put makeup and perfume . Seeing you happy will piss him off because him he wants you to be miserable and beg for lordship back. Forget him focus on your unborn child and children

Thankyou ahsan, deep down I know he will never ever change, I don’t know why he has such a hold over me. He keeps me on in the background for when his life goes to the shit again. I’m not being that poor woman no more I deserve a million times better and so do my children.

I’m going to ride it out no matter how painful. I’ve told him to leave me alone now and let me get on with my pregnancy and him to get on with his new life.

He didn’t reply I know that will hurt him but I’m done now I can’t do it anymore

How horrible :( but ur doing the right thing just moving on. Give himself set days. Get urself professional help and Start seeing ur worth. U don’t need a man like that. U will do just fine on ur own and one day u will look back and wonder why u didn’t leave him sooner. Keep us updated x

@2020wish Thankyou, I’ve just came out the drs. She’s going to be reviewing me every two weeks and if I need her in the meantime just call the surgery and get a message to her. And I’ve been put back on sertraline 😔

@Chaoticmumlife has things got any better?

@2020wish well he’s not seeing the girl anymore, me and him are just being civil for the kids sake. I’m still so anxious about everything. Thankyou for asking xx