having my parents when baby arrives

[mvilma6]

Hi ladies,

i would like to hear other mums who had been trough the same. My parents live 2000 miles away. they want to be around when baby arrives, they plan to come to our house few days before due date and stay helping us for 10 days after baby is here.

it all sounds lovely, but dont know , i have mix feelings. love them to bits and im super close to my mum but i also want to think those first few days will be more me, husband and baby. not having to worry about family been in the house.

my husband wont have paternity leave (he changed jobs recently) so also thought when he goes back to work it will be nice to have my parents to help me.

dont know what i want to be true.

anybody been trough the same? i get stress only thinking about it

thanks

As long as your parents don't get on your nerves I think it will be very helpful to have them there, especially if the birth isn't straightforward and you need to recover. It will be great to have someone else there to cook for you as you probably won't get a chance.
I'm sure you, husband and baby could have some alone time in your bedroom.

If they come to stay will they be helping out around the house or expecting you to host?

What about the variables....baby could come early. Baby could come 2 weeks late.

will you be expected to host? < this, in spades.

Do bear in mind that babies arrive on their own schedule, not according to your due date!

Can they be flexible with when they come? I was 12 days over with my first.

I’m due my first in the next couple of weeks. I love my family dearly but with how I’m feeling and how I will likely feel after I could think of nothing worse than having them stay in my home with us. At least not until I’ve got to grips with boobs and babies and bleeding and pooping and emotions and what not. I remember saying in the 2nd trimester how excited I’ll be for people to come round and meet him when we get home ... now I want to keep it 48 hours with no visitors.

Could they stay close by so that you have them available for support, and they can visit as much or as long as you feel comfortable with, but they then leave at the end of the day and you get time in just your PJs with baby and husband?

Also echo above about babies and schedules! My March group has quite a few babies already, along with some who are now starting to go overdue with no signs of anything happening soon.

Is it an option for them to stay at a local b & b and then you can see how you feel? Them first few days are important for your dad and baby to spend together:)

I had my mum come to stay once I was out of hospital for 5 days and she was an angel. Cooked all our meals, did all my cleaning and waited on us hand and foot. I asked my mum to visit on her own as I didn't want my stepdad around whilst I was establishing breastfeeding at home. They understood.

I thought my husband was very accepting in agreeing to this as family can be intense.

I really enjoyed having my mum here and she loved getting special cuddles with the newborn. It really depends on your family dynamic.

I literally could've wrote this! Having the exact same worries as you!

My husband is away to start a new job so no paternity leave. His parents, brother and Nan live 600 miles away and my dad lives with his wife in America.

My dad is retired and he's already said that his wife has been granted a month of holidays to come over when baby is due and that he might stay longer. I've already had the conversation with him about feeling overwhelmed with how many visitors were going to have. I've even convinced him to go visit some family in London for a week or two so that we can have some space. I love him dearly but a whole month would do my head in! I think because that's what his mum did when I was born, he wants to do it as well.

It would be great to have the support but I totally understand how you feel. If you work it out, please let me know

My mum and dad stayed in a local air bnb for the week my husband went back to work - they came to me every day from 10am and left as soon as DH got home from work. It's about the only time they've visited me and not pissed me off. I couldn't have handled them staying in the house in the early days.

I wonder if you all sat down and made some ground rules it would help?

What help you would appreciate, the space you would like etc. Whilst reiterating you will appreciate their help but maybe they could organise a couple of afternoons out to give you all some space.

It depends on your parents. My mum stayed for the first week. I didn't realise how much I would need her. But she did not expect me to do anything for her. She did all the cleaning, cooking, popping to shops for things needed. Couldn't have done it without her! My MIL however would have sat and held baby all day if she stayed to help rather than doing house things so I wouldn't have liked that. Which category do you think your parents will fall into?

I wouldn’t want them until your DH goes back to work as those first few days are important for you all to bond as a little family of 3

It's really up to you how comfortable you and your OH are to having someone in your house right after having a baby.

If you end up having a c-section you'll probably appreciate the support but it's also depends on whether your parents are intending to help around the house or not.

My Mum lives in Ireland and will be here for 3-4 weeks. I'm also hoping she'll be at the birth if dc doesn't decide to arrive too early. Tbh, it's been a massive relief to think I'll have her around. She's made it very clear what she intends to do I.e. to help me, housework, food shopping, cooking etc whilst my partner and I bond with bub.

I think as long as you agree beforehand the role your parents will be taking whilst staying with you, it should ease any stress or worry you have.

Dear all, thanks soooo much for all your opinions.

My mum is a very hands on and will help massively in the house: cooking specially and cleaning. Which i massively appreciate

For you ladies whose mums were staying with you when babies arrived, did they understood that u needed loads of time you 3 to start with? that'a my biggest worry, i don't want to hurt anybody (husband /parents): i want our team as 3 but dont want my parents feeling they are only here to help with the house.

so confused with feelings. its my first one, so dont know how i would feel after anyway

thanks

I didn't need to tell my mum not to interfere she just knew not to. She was never judgey about how we did nappies or fed baby or other little decisions, she just accepted what I did and didn't question it. She was cheerleading me on the whole way.

She was also very good at retiring to her room for an hour or two in the day to give us time. Also my bedroom was my sanctuary so if I was lying down feeding (which I mostly did in the early days) I knew I had privacy and peace and my husband would often join me for those moments and we'd just chat and gush over the wonderful little human we produced. She didn't barge in or come to find us if we'd been gone a while just occasionally would knock and leave us coffee or tea outside the door.

Only you really know your parents and know how they may act: if you wouldn't feel comfortable asking them for some privacy or space then don't have them stay. If you knew you could ask them, then have them stay. You could ask them to be flexible - initially I told my mum I only wanted her for two days but every day I just kept asking her to stay another night. she loved being a grandma in demand.

Also... have you thought about asking them to stay a few days after baby arrives rather then the second baby is here? We spent the first 4 days in the hospital and I didn't want any visitors so by the time we got home we'd had the baby all to ourselves a few days and felt we'd established an initial bond without too much interference.

My mum didn't get offended at all. In fact I think she encouraged us. She just wanted to facilitate us settling into a routine.