Any self help tips for pregnancy anxiety please?

[squashie34]

Just looking for some advice as per the thread title as i'm really struggling. I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant and I can feel that my anxiety is getting worse not better.

I've suffered with both general and health anxiety in the past and was on 50mg of setraline which I just stopped taking as soon as I found out I was pregnant (I know you shouldn't just come off it but I didn't want to take anything that may harm the baby) the first 12 weeks were rough in terms of morning sickness and I was worried sick about missed miscarriage/eptopic, so much so I wouldn't talk about the pregnancy. I have endo so knew the risk was higher and was convinced it would happen to me.

I thought that once I had the 12 week scan and that risk dramatically decreased I would feel better, but now I'm 18 weeks I know I need to do something because it isn't. I'm constantly convinced that baby isn't going to be ok, first it was the fear of MMC at the 12 week scan and now it's being told at the 20 week scan that baby won't be able to make it. It doesn't help that I haven't felt movements yet and people are constantly asking me 'have you felt her yet?' Which is making me think I should have and something is wrong. I have nightmares every night about a variety of different situations (I pulled babies head off when I picked her up and stuck it back on (wtf?!) and in another drowned her through breast feeding her too much milk)

I've also started having some ocd tendancies such as saying if the traffic lights change before I get there it's a sign things won't be ok, and irrational thoughts such as 'what if my partner isn't the dad, maybe when I went out for my birthday with the girls I did something in the corner of the bar without remembering until now and the baby will come out a different race'. when I write all of this down I know it just sounds ridiculous. But In my head I tell myself I won't have a happy ending and something is going to go wrong. Any photos I take of bump etc or print screens of baby related pages I have to put in the 'hidden' album on my phone because I think if they're just in the photos it's an omen something will go wrong.

I know in my rational mind this all sounds crazy but it's really taking it out of me because I just want to have a happy pregnancy and enjoy this experience incase it never happens again, but then when the anxiety kicks in I say to myself 'if you think something happy about the baby you will make something go wrong'

I would have mentioned it to my midwife but I've had a pretty crap time with appointments as I've had 3 midwife appointments and each time it's been with a different midwife who all in reality can't wait to get me out of the room and don't even read my notes etc. I'm not building up any type of relationship with my MW like I thought I might.

Please don't tell me I'm crazy as I'm really worried I am my OH is so supportive but just sees it as worrying and hormones because I like to have control over things and this I can't. I just wondered if anyone has tried any self help for anxiety which has helped them?

Sorry for the long post too! Thank you if you've made it this far

Do tell your midwife. She will be able to signpost to counselling etc if you need it.

Meanwhile, how about hypnotherapy? I found Maggie Howell's Natal Hypnotherapy helpful, there are tracks for pregnancy and for birth preparation. A bit of chill out time and some positive affirmations might help with your mindset.

Most places will have IAPT (improving access to psychological therapies) that you can self refer to/get referred to by your GP or midwife. Where I work IAPT prioritise pregnant women/new mums and give them urgent appointments. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) would probably be useful to help manage your anxieties. Self help-wise I would suggest trying some mindfulness (google it) also try the mood juice website.

You may want to consider going back on the sertraline if it really helped your anxiety. It's a risk vs benefit thing. I've seen plenty of pregnant women on antidepressants who have turned out to have perfectly healthy babies. I think the risk with sertraline is some congenital heart malformations but you are getting to the stage where the organs are pretty much fully developed they just need to grow.

I have had bad anxiety with my pregnancy and it's much better now. Truthfully my midwife was useless but I self referred for 6 sessions of counselling which has been helpful. I have also made sure to minimise contact with family members who used to say stupid things which made it worse, got plenty of gentle chill time in, kept my exercise up and focused on my relationship with my partner. I also made a list of positive things I had done for the baby each day like take my vits, been for a walk, had a nap etc and gave myself a pat on the back for them. I also tried to focus on what I was looking forward to about the baby coming and tried to live my normal day to day life the same as always. And it's totally normal to have weird dreams in pregnancy, and totally normal to have not felt much movement yet. I was only sure of movement after 20 weeks. You're doing a great job OP, and your baby is lucky to have you as a mum - don't forget that, or minimise how hard pregnancy can be!!

@heather12911 thank you, that's really helpful - I'll look into it tomorrow and see if I can self refer. I do also have private health insurance which I could use for a private referral to see someone if that's something that would be the best step.

In regards to the setraline, my anxiety was never this bad and I can't hand on heart say how much it helped, but I really don't want to go back on it if there's anything else I can try first. I'll look into the mindfulness stuff to thanks ladies

@lettersbyowl your message has honestly helped me so much to feel like I'm not going totally crazy. Sorry you went through it too but it's lovely to hear you are feeling better now. I guess I'm also worried it makes you more susceptible to postnatal depression etc if I leave it rumbling on trying to ignore it for fear of feeling silly,

I'm definitely going to start doing those things you've said such as the writing a list of things I've done, as they sound great to help.

Thank you so much xx

Your not crazy ❤️ I had anxiety before being pregnant this is my 3rd pregnancy I've had 2 miscarriages in 15 weeks and I was petrified up to the 12 week scan, I thought the scan would make me feel better but nope here I am acting like a crazy lady 😂 I also have irrational thoughts and weird ocd tendencies it's true that your hormones can make you feel like your going crazy, I also have no relationship with my midwife she never bothers to even answer me, I'm going to go to the doctors and see if I can get some kind of referral to a counsellor who understands the situation or for some anxiety's techniques such as breathing and things xxx

That was supposed to say *i am now 15 weeks .. xx

@denbyellie I'm so sorry that you're going through this too, at least we aren't on our own and can be crazy ladies together! Haha 💕 please do let me know if you manage to get some helpful advice and I'll do the same xx

You poor thing.
My anxiety was terrible throughout pregnancy for a number of reasons. I genuinely ended up believing that my baby wouldn't survive the pregnancy. Every scan I thought they'd find something wrong. Every morning I woke up and thought something had happened. Every single time I went to the toilet I expected to see blood. Even in labour, I honestly thought she wouldn't make it. There were no reasons for me to think this, I ended up just thinking it was intuition. It wasnt, it was anxiety.
But shes amazing. Shes just had her first birthday ❤

Please speak to someone. There are people that can help you. All the best xx

Hi OP,

It's really common for mental health conditions to get worse during pregnancy and your GP should be able to help. Please don't rule out taking medication- especially as your baby is now fully developed. The most important thing is that you are as well as you can be.

Ahh you're welcome. Honestly talking about it will helps loads so please see your GP, consider going back on the meds if needed and get some counselling. 100% normal to have anxiety of some degree related to the babies outcomes, and for most people this is at a manageable level - sounds like it's got a big unmanageable for you, so sensible to get it off your chest and get some help. And yeah, it might be hormone related - but whatever has caused it, you still need to deal with it!! Another thing that helped me what to write myself a little note on my phone about what irrational thought I was having, so using your example, "my partner isn't the babies Dad". Then I'd write the rational response... "he is, and I know he is because I've only slept with him in the last xyz years" It would give my head a little wobble to see it written down!! My counsellor also suggested giving myself a dedicated 15 mins a day to "worry". So anything that came into my mind to worry about, I'd write a little note (again!) and add to my list to worry about later. Then not allowed to think about it, until the dedicated time. Turns out that if you set your mind to worry for 15 mins, all the things you were worried about don't seem worth it!!!! Loads and loads of people get antenatal anxiety, so you're in good company, and it's definitely sensible to do something about it so you can enjoy your baby worry free.

Hi OP,

Bless you! I could have written your post myself! Except where you have endo I had Pcos.

I worried myself sick, in fact I refused to have a baby shower and I never actually announced my pregnancy, people I worked with didn’t know I was pregnant. I had a few medical blunders though that made me a ball of nerves (told you terminate at dating scan, all turned out fine in the end).

Please try and refer yourself for some counselling, anxiety and depression can affect your pregnancy, bonding and in rare cases (like mine) they can affect the babies growth. I didn’t get help until it was too late (another medical blunder) but one tool I got taught is to break it all down, get a piece of paper write down your worry, the emotion it triggers, rank it from 1- 10 and then list all the facts (not thoughts) that support it, then make a list of all the ones that do not, then look at the supporting and contradicting statements and try balance them out, then summarise and then after you’ve rationalised the worry see how you feel on 1-10.

I hope that makes sense, if it doesn’t I’ll try and dig out one of the ones I did 😊 it helped me gain a little perspective xx

Hiya

Please don’t feel angry with yourself or worried about why you feel like this. In some ways the anxiety can self perpetuate and if you worry about the fact you are worrying it makes it a whole lot worse.

I’ve had GAD for years and was petrified to become pregnant in case I couldn’t cope and would be bad for my baby and husband. But. I am 25 weeks and despite having a LOT of wobbles I am OK.

I find that separating each worry thought vs having a whole list of them helps. When I worry about miscarriage or stillbirth I remind myself of the statistics. When I worry about catching coronavirus as it’s all over the press I take more precautions washing my hands and being sensible with travel. When I worry about birth i try and remind myself woman have done this since the dawn of time. The worried thoughts till come. But just listen to them, reflect and adjust your thinking.

A few other tips I’ve learnt from years of random counselling

When you feel anxious slow your breathing right down. Don’t worry about counting breathes just go slow.

Sag your muscles and relax your shoulders especially. Your brain can feel the physiology of stress and responds accordingly so relax your body.

Use your inner dialogue to speak slowly and calmly like you would a dog or a baby. Doesn’t matter what you say. Just slow your thoughts right down.

These always help me x

I’m so glad I've found this thread, and thanks OP for being so honest.

I had anxiety and depression and was on medication prior to falling pregnant. When i visited my GP she advised me to come of the medication, until I’ve seen a consultant, due to fertility issues and previous MCs.

I’m only 6+2weeks and have my scan and consultants appointment in the morning. I’m so anxious. I’ve had more bad days, than good so far. I also feel it’s just going to get worse. I already have counseling, going to ask for more. I’m also going to try some of the suggestions on this thread, worry time, lists, and reminding myself I’ve got through worse, and people do this all the time.

Good luck OP and all the others on this thread. We can do this!

Ladies you are all amazing. Thank you so much for all your advice and to hear that some of you are feeling/felt the same way too is a little more reassuring.

I'm going to phone IAPS this afternoon and see where I go from there and in the meantime put some of these strategies below into practice like the 'worry time' and making lists!

Thank you xx