Traumatic birth... anyone else?

[Ghost88]

Hi,

Apologies if this is in the wrong forum.

Had my baby girl last Saturday after being induced on Friday. I was 40+13 and if I’m being honest I found the whole labour experience horrific and it has left me feeling a bit traumatised. I know it’s not the same for everyone and it’s rare to feel this way, but I find myself thinking back to it and just breaking down crying.

Has anyone else had similar experience? I feel like I’m being a drama queen and can’t really talk about it. I feel like a bit of a failure in comparison to everyone else in my life who seemed to breeze through pregnancy and labour.

Would be nice to know I’m not alone.. feel free to share your labour stories.. x

When I had my son I had a really quick labour for a first time baby but he was born not breathing and he had to be rushed to NICU. DH and I had no clue what was going on and were just left on our own in the delivery suite. The midwife came back in and explained and as soon as we could we went to see him but I was in shock and it all felt surreal.

We were in hospital for a week and the first few days were very scary as our son was so sick. At no point did anyone talk to us about what had happened or let us know that we could have a debrief about the birth and get support.

I only found out about this much later. I looked into it as DH and I really struggled on my son's first few birthdays because of the memories of that time. I really wish I had known it was possible at the time as I think it would have helped enormously.

Some women develop PTSD from the stress of their labour experiences so it's definitely not you being a drama queen or a failure. Early motherhood is hard enough without all those feelings hanging over you. Speak to your midwife or health visitor and see what support is available.

First of all huge congratulations on your little girl.
Second of all you are NOT a drama queen or a failure in any way.

It’s not unusual for women to feel traumatised after birth.

You could tell your midwife/HV how you are feeling and they
should be able to support you or refer you to someone who can.

If you find yourself struggling with these feeling a few months down the line or you start to feel worse, it’s a good idea to look into counselling or investigate therapy for trauma related issues. There is one called EMDR which is helpful .
I had a traumatic birth In the 80s and I struggled with flashbacks, depression and anxiety for many many years. I didn’t realise what I was going through started after the birth and I really wish I had got help.

I know many family/friends who had very difficult pregnancy and births and you are really not alone in your reaction. I also know lots of women who had very positive experiences of labour but if yours wasn’t it really doesn’t make you inferior in any way.

I had an induced traumatic birth. I couldn't close my eyes without flash backs. I was in hospital for a week S my LO was poorly and it was a blessing. I told a midwife that I felt I could trust and she offered me a de-brief. She brought two cups of tea and we chatted for about half an hour. It's all it took. Someone listening to me and I was able to move on. Good luck.

I was 40+15 snd also had an induced traumatic birth. Forceps, tear, episiotomy, blood loss, 1 week hospital stay. All after a 2 day labour that didn't progress enough.

Birth was the total opposite if the natural birth I wanted, and I was so poorly fot the first 3-4 weeks. Also struggled with feeding.

I can say tgay 5 weeks later it is a lot easier. Hormones have settled and I feel less traumatised. It gets better but also seek help if it doesn't. PTSD from the birth is real as is post natal depression/anxiety.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and it is natural to go through a process post birth where you feel awful, angry for the birth, and just generally crap on top of being a new mum.

Hang in there, take each day as they come snd celebrate every little goal even if it just brushing your hair! Xx

I also had a traumatic time during induction and labour. I felt the same as you, and to be honest it's only recently that I feel a bit better about it all and my DS is now 3yo.

Have you been able to talk through what happened with anyone? I had a debrief with a midwife while we were still in hospital which was a help at the time and a head midwife came to see me at home, I didn't take things any further though which I guess didn't give me any closure.

Even just talking through your experience with friends and family and hearing their stories can help.

Congratulations on your baby, be kind to yourself and ask for help if you need it

My dc's birth was so traumatic that my dsis brought me flowers on their first birthday because she knew I would be struggling with the memories.
She wasn't wrong.
Honestly I have several friends with similar experiences I think it is more common than you might think.

I had a traumatic birth, my baby was an undiagnosed breech, ended up being blue lighted to hospital as it was so fast, and delivered naturally as it was too fast. I did have a debrief to why the team delivered him the way they did- he just fell out apart from his head- and he wasn't breathing. He's perfectly fine and I'm healing physically.

Mentally it's taken DH and I time- we talked about it a lot piecing it together and this has helped. It's taken months to remember and talk it through. As people say talk about it, it takes time. I think I will ask for another debrief once I'm ready to hear it as I wasn't the day after. I did spend my first few months as a mother in my shell trying to work through it- most of my friends and family have been supportive those who haven't been I have avoided as it's not good for my MH. Sadly my PIL have been the worst- told me to get over it less than 24hrs later and emotionally blackmailed DH to let them visit before we were both ready. It's ruined our relationship but I'm trying for my baby as they are the grandparents, but the anxiety I have about them visiting is horrid now. I don't know how to repair this as they play victim.

Two out of three (slactually three as the elcs was none too easy either).
Dc1 elcs. Body went into shock and I shook uncontrollably for 24 hours.
Dc3 back to back vbac1. Failure to progress. Given 15 minute warning for emcs and squeezed him out, tearing me quite badly. Had to stay in for a week for repair and physio (me not him)
Dd3 vbac2 brain damaged. Medical negligence suit.
I’m a bit shit at childbirth to be honest.
Birth trauma is a thing.

My first birth was a dream, which made the 2nd a shock to the system. I progressed very quickly. Waters broke in the mat unit waiting room, checked me 3cm. Told me to walk about for a while and they will check me in 4 hours. I asked for the bath. They put me in what I can only call a storage room, with a high bath, 5mins in the bath I had to push. Heart rate kept dropping and they were getting concerned. Ended up having to climb out the bath down steps during strong contractions, slumped in the corner of the room on a bean bag. No time for any pain relief, he then came out hand against face, so was pushed back in, plus was 10lb 3oz. Then also needed stitches. It all happened within 20mins. I vowed I was done with 2 babies.. now I'm unexpectedly pregnant with baby 3 and the labour terrifies me!

I think its normal to be so emotional about it, plus you have all those hormones flying about xx

My first 2 births where traumatic, your definitely not alone with this.
My first son was early (32+6) I was in labour all day without realising because I only had mild backache, I started gushing blood, got rushed to hospital where I was told I was 10cm but I wasnt allowed to push, my body was naturally pushing anyway which resulted in 2 midwives getting covered in my waters when they popped, had about 20 midwives, nurses and doctors rush into the room where they proceeded to give me a episiotomy and use forceps, my partner said the doctor was pulling that hard on his head shes literally had one foot up on the bed to steady herself. Ds then got rushed away to NICU without me knowing if he was okay, and when I was finally allowed to go and see him I ended up throwing up all over nicu's floor so I had to be rushed out of there. When I finally got to see him the next day he had 2 black eyes, a bruised lip and a big line of brusing down his face.
My second son, everything went ok until it was time to push, he was full term at 37+5, I started to push but he ended up getting distressed, his heart kept stopping everytime i pushed, turns out his cord was wrapped around his neck twice and his shoulders got stuck, another episiotomy, this time for ventouse, and when he was finally delivered he had to be revived as he wasnt breathing. I said after that there would be no more children for me and my partner
However, we got a shock when I got pregnant with my third, her labour was like a dream, I did have a second degree (bordering on 3rd degree) tear but there was no complications.
Your not alone with this, please talk to your health visitor and she will either talk to you about it or know somewhere where you can talk about it x

DC4 was an ELCS and that’s the only birth I don’t consider traumatic, sort of wish I’d opted to have a CS with them all tbh.

DC1 was emergency forceps after a 24 hour long back to back labour due to shoulder dystocia. I was rushed down to theatre and given a spinal, also needed an extended episiotomy and the stitches burst open and became infected about a week after he was born.

DC2 I had a huge PPH due to retained placenta so the actual birth was fine but after she was born doctors were rushing in from all angles and I was rushed down to theatre. Needed two blood transfusions.

DC3 was another back to back labour so just constant contractions.

The ELCS was a great experience, nothing traumatic about it at all.

I had ptsd from a traumatic birth where instrumental delivery was done without warning for delayed se ond stage, not an emergency, against my wishes (which they knew) and without asking for consent. Also no warning before they did the episiotomy.

Took a long time to recover mentally. I had emdr through the nhs.

The birth trauma association private Facebook page is a good place for support and to hear others stories.

I am pregnant again and having a planned c section at the end of this month.

Congratulations on your baby. I'm sorry about the trauma you went through though, it shouldn't have to be like that. Please talk to people you trust I'm sure you will get some support from family and friends. Talking it through is the best way to get through it.

Both of mine were traumatic births, big babies, back to back, -blood loss+, forceps, episiotomies. Had the choice of an elective section for my second, thought long and hard but ultimately went for VB. It's tough OP, really impacts on your mental health, but I think part of the blame is because women don't talk realistically & honestly about birth with each other. iMe it's brutal but worthwhile Congratulations

My first pregnancy ended with a very traumatic birth. I buried it and got on with everything else that having a new baby entails. When newly pregnant two and bit years later it all came flooding back and I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD, had counselling and an elective c section (was going to abort rather than go through it again... eventually I was taken seriously). My advice is to get counselling and seek support now. You have recognised the trauma you have gone through. Process it now, don't bury it away and don't let anyone minimise.

I had a very traumatic birth with ds, developed pre eclampsia over the space of 24 hours, blew up with fluid that much that my eyes were like slits & the rest of my face looked flat, just like a balloon. Was sent to hospital just supposedly for monitoring but the wouldn't let me go home & started induction, I was 36+5. Started with gel, left me overnight, the hospital was a mess, they hadn't even a pillow for my bed, more gel the morning after, I started bleeding early evening & was taken to labour ward to have my waters broken. I still to this day don't know what the midwife did when she broke my waters but the pain was indescribable, she never asked permission to do a sweep, I screamed the place down, contractions started within 5 minutes, coming every 3-4 minutes, gas & air did no good, just made me feel sick, I was like a crazed animal, couldn't sit or lay down, the contractions were all in my back & my bladder, one on top of another, I was begging for an epidural but the midwife told me not to be such a baby, it would get a lot worse than it was then. After nearly 4 hours I finally got an epidural, I was examined & was only 2cm but my BP was shooting up, I was rambling even after the epidural was put in, sweating & shaking. By the morning after I was 4cm & by late afternoon I was 7cm, plan was to check again at 5.30pm, when they checked me again I had gone back to 5cm & was rushed to theatre for emcs, ds was delivered at 6.22pm, I had a massive haemorrhage which took ages to stop, by now I was losing in & out of consciousness, the anaesthetist kept on shouting at me to keep my eyes open, I don't know what my mum who had come to theatre with me was thinking, they must have eventually stopped the bleeding & stitched me up, they had to get someone to come in & mop the blood off the floor before they wheeled me to high dependency. After my mum & husband had gone home my kidneys & liver started failing due to the loss of blood, I thought I was dying & begged them to fetch my parents & husband, I was relapsing in & out of consciousness all night & for 48 hours after, they gave me 3 bags of blood the next morning, I was full of morphine & drugs. They kept on trying to put ds on me to feed, I had drips in both hands, a drain in my stomach & a catheter, they never attempted to put me a maternity pad & pants on, I was left sat on an incontinence sheet, when my mum arrived she went mad & ended up changing me herself from the theatre gown that was just draped over me in to a nightie, maternity pad & pants, she washed me as best she could, the midwives continued to keep on getting me to BF ds but I was off my face on drugs & falling asleep all the time. She asked for a bottle to feed ds but the midwives refused & told her I was being difficult. After 48 hours they reduced the drugs & once I found my voice I demanded a bottle, it had said on my birth plan that I intended to FF. Once I had demanded a bottle, I never got any real care at all, I was moved to a private room on the post natal ward & once there other than twice a day, morning & night, never saw another midwife or doctor, was never given any pain relief, I didn't get any meals for the first day & after that got told if I didn't walk to the dining room I didn't get any meals, I could hardly stand up, I was so weak, hadn't had any food for over 4 days, it took me all my strength to stagger to the bathroom. My mum brought me food in every day at visiting time, on the fifth day I had a meltdown, I had managed to go to sleep for 2 hours & got woken up to have my BP taken at 5.30am, I'm ashamed to say I told the midwife to F Off & leave me alone, when my parents & husband arrived I managed to get dressed & told the staff I was going home, it took them until 7.00pm to give me the paperwork to go home, they told me I was leaving at my own risk, I had got to the stage i didn't care any more. When I got home & read my notes, all the way through it said I was being difficult, someone had put I was mardy & childish, I wasn't I was terrified & frightened. It was really no shock that I had horrific PND & was later diagnosed with PTSD. I still have nightmares around ds birthday about his birth & he is 16 now.