Breakup whilst pregnant

[Lrn3]

Hi I’m new here, sorry it’s a bit long i just need to get this off my chest! Im in tears writing this so please excuse the spelling!

I’m 21 years old and have been with my fiancé for almost 7 years, we have a 2 year old together and I’m due any day with baby number 2! I’m just looking for others opinions on what I should do. I feel so lost and I’m worried about my mental health lately😞
I don’t know if pregnancy hormones are making things worse for me but for a long time now I have been struggling with our relationship. He is 22 so I understand that we are both young but I honestly can’t cope with how he behaves and treats me anymore.
He constantly leaves mess around the house and never cleans and being heavily pregnant I’ve been telling him I’ve had enough and refused to do it leaving the house to get worse which I can’t have with my toddler! Along with this he has been inviting his friend over every day when he is home and they will sit in the living room playing games and leaving mess being very loud and swearing showing no respect at all. He has been using an ecig for years now but recently ( with the help of this friend ) has gone back to smoking fags as well as weed and I have told him countless times I don’t want it in the house and he just ignores anything I say and it stinks! I’ve told him that I’m tired of it all and we have been arguing for the past few days, he apologises and said he will change but it’s been days and still nothing has changed.
I’ve told him I will be moving out with the kids but I really don’t know where to go, I have no job at the moment, no money at all and i have a bit of debt piling up due to waiting for maternity allowance to start, I’m due any day with our second child so I really don’t know how I am going to do any of this I feel so lost as I’ve never not been with him since school! I have no family to turn to and I don’t want to ruin his relationship with his family but I don’t want them to turn agains me either! I just feel so helpless and like I have no choice but to stay where I am with him for my babies sake, to top it all off A car damaged my car whilst I was parked at my doctors surgery and didn’t leave a note so I have been so stressed lately that I’m crying constantly,

if anybody has any advice it would help me loads😭

Its hard when your young I was only 18 was smoking myself I loved going out and so did my partner (we met at a rave) but when I fell pregnant the family just clicked and we put family first 8 years later were expecting number 2 I'm 24 myself. Don't get me wrong we argue and that but we both stopped things to be a family. I wouldn't worry about him not helping you round the house if he is sitting round smoking weed and swearing. Give him a motive to stop or go the council they will house you no doubt even if it is in a b and b for a few weeks, month there's always a way. Find a cheap hotel for a few days and see what you think is best for your family.
I'd rather be alone and rely on me than be with someone who I ment to rely but isn't there.
It will be ok your pregnant and stressed but don't stay somewhere especially at a time like this if it's effecting you and babies!

Thank you for replying! I love him to pieces honestly and we’ve been hoping to get married and I know if we end it then I would rather be alone than even think about finding someone else, I just don’t know how much more I can take😭 unfortunately money is super tight so I have no chance of getting away for a few days but I have been looking into council housing to see iPhone I would cope on my own especially with two kids! I have always put our family first and I know he would never do anything to hurt or upset our kids but I really do feel as though he isn’t there for me at all, it’s so lonely especially when I know he is here but I just don’t feel cared about at all, I do think the pregnancy hormones don’t help at all. Every time we argue I end up giving in but I just don’t know if I have it in me to go through the same loop again. I’ve just been in tears all day and trying to tell myself everything will me okay but I just can’t look forward. The effect it’s all had on my pregnancy has been horrible I feel awful that I’m not excited to bring my baby home😞

I don't think I can offer solid advice but want you to know you're not on your own! Also 21 pregnant with my second and in a 4 year long relationship that is making me feel some what unhappy. It is hard as there's so many emotions you go through in a single day during pregnancy, but I do think he cares.. just probably not enough at the moment, being young with kids I think boys try to grip onto their youth lol
He wouldn't be there with you if he didn't care about you and the kids, he's probably overly comfortable (like mine)
But of course, you know your relationship best, 7 years is a fairly long time from a young age, if you feel like separating would be best for you and your kids, go for it. Again it's hard to differentiate whether you're feeling extremely wound up more so because of hormones but at the same time I think we all want best for our lives and little ones. It's horrible feeling uncared for when you're in such a vulnerable state

I recently managed to move with the help of the council although i'm private renting, they helped with my deposit and I found a place that allowed housing benefit.. you would be able to work something out it takes A LOT of time and searching but don't give up!
I'm here if you ever wanna talk, life is considerably lonely over here

@easteregg2 Oh dear I hope you feel better soon! I agree with you he seems too comfortable and I think that’s had an effect on our relationship more than anything. I think I need to wait until this baby is here and see how I feel afterwards before I make any big decisions😞 we have been together for so long I think we both are just feeling it so maybe we need to try and do things different and hopefully that will help. Again thank you for replying i feel so much better after having a bit of a rant😆

@Lrn3 glad you feel a bit better, it's always good to just get it out sometimes its much needed
Definitely try to see it through if that's an option cause you may find you feel a huge relief once baby is here! That's what i'm hoping for myself
Always do what makes you happy and protect your peace no matter what!
I'm 37 weeks today wby?

@easteregg2 thank you! Yes I definitely feel better he’s actually been helping me to do the house today ready for the baby so I’m hoping that when baby’s here I will feel okay about it all! Ooh not long left for you! I’m 38+4 so baby is due any time now my other little boy was here at 39 weeks, I’m so nervous about the birth I’ve forgotten everything from the first time🙈😂

@Lrn3 I hope things feel better for ya too! Are you nesting? I have for weeks and they tend to irritate you a thousand times more during this period lol
Wow yeah any day could be the day, makes you anxious, you don't know what to expect or when, exciting though!!
Funny, I was induced at 37 weeks with my lil girl so first time going natural. Nervous but more excited, i'm over being pregnant now

Ah it’s all ok now he has helped you tidy up!

Hopefully your kids won’t get stoned the next time he skins up eh?

@easteregg2 yes I’m definitely nesting lol! I think that’s what’s caused it to be so bad honestly! It’s just the spending every day with friends and smoking thing that’s taken me over the edge but he has promised that it won’t happen again now so fingers crossed he makes an effort as I’m not having it around the kids😆 ah my first was natural and I’m terrified of anything going wrong with this little one! If he’s not here by the 11th they are going to induce me so I’m so nervous😆 I’m feeling the same I’ve been ready for him to be here for weeks I don’t know how much longer I can cope with him in🙈x

@Emptywallet it’s far from okay however I’m willing to give him one last chance considering the situation at the moment..
As for the comment about my kids getting stoned, he never does it anywhere near them I wouldn’t let him and I just don’t like it being kept in the house. I think your comment is a bit rude and uncalled for. What happened to mums helping each Other? I posted so I could get this of my chest and a bit of support from others that’s all, thank you and have a good day

Well it’s the stark reality. I’m sorry if it wasn’t all ‘hun’ and hearts.

I’d be devastated if my daughters got involved with a bloke like this and then even had kids to them.

Raise the bar for your kids. Because I bet money on it that he will be back to fucking the house up with his mates and smoking weed soon.

Money is already tight and he is buying drugs. No decent father would do this. He IS doing it near them because it’s IN your house.

When I was teaching you could smell it on the kids hair and and clothes.

Wake up

Please don't stay with a man who does drugs. You need to put your children first and LTB. Having such young children around a druggie and his friends is a terrible idea!

Why on earth would you stay with a man who's choosing drugs over his own children and partner's health and wellness?

@Lrn3 I totally agree. Of course it'll tip you over the edge as it's one of those annoying habits that can cause such a divide within a relationship if you've got kids and been told it won't continue but does. His choices are not your fault. Yeah it's shit, it could be much worse though. That don't mean it's to be excused though but I wish you the best, I hope you are able to resolve it with him. However if you don't, I know it's not ideal but being alone is always better than having an adult child along with your infant children lol 😩
Fingers crossed, i'm sure all will be fine! You do tend to think of all the what ifs just to be prepared😂 I think it's cause no two births are the same either. With being induced it's crazy because you know you're certainly about to meet your little one. Waiting on it naturally is like a ticking time bomb😱 I hope we both have our babies very soon, for our sanity lol! Do you know the gender? X

Others should be a little more supportive and gentle, as that's what you initially posted for. Not to be digged at, it hardly helps.
She's obviously aware of the cons surrounding smoking, especially with kids and it being her partner with the habit. No need to scorch her for it. It's a difficult situation, but I highly doubt that she's going to let it continue if it doesn't change. She's mentioned that she's had her words. The post is called 'break up whilst pregnant' which shows the stage she is at in her relationship and highlighted the matters in this post. Be kind.