Touchy subject

[k24m]

I am finding this really difficult at the moment so please no one bash me.

Just to give you some background detail.
I have 2 children 3 year old and 8 month old. The father of my 2 children relationship failed and he left me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. I've done absolutely everything for "our" youngest birth myself, night feeds, day and night myself also having a toddler who found it very difficult to come to terms of having a sibling. Unfortunately their dad no longer has contact and I have tried my hardest to reach out to to solicitors etc to get him involved sadly he has ignored letters, emails and phone calls.

I've found out 3 days ago that I am pregnant to someone I have known for years. He doesn't want me to carry the pregnancy on. My own stupidity I should've used precautions. I have an appointment at the clinic in 2 weeks time I feel so devastated my mind is going round in circles I feel so terrible about the choice I'm making. My mum and dad would be so disappointed they are very opinionated a single mum my children's dad who doesn't want to know them and pregnant and history repeating itself.
I've jsit went back to work on maternity leave, I have a mortgage and I'm relying on my mum and dad at times to help out with baby milk etc. My ex has refused to sign the mortgage papers so out fixed rate is up and am going on variable rate and it's a extra £80 monthly payments.

Please someone anyone give me some light I'm scared incase I go and I back out or if I go it I will regret it or maybe it's the best decision. I can't talk to anyone as I've kept it to myself and the baby's dad

Nobody can tell you what to do.

But in your place I would not continue with the pregnancy.

only you can decided what to do - yes its not a disirable situation but its your situation/decision. forget what others will say and think what you want
With regards to your ex and the morgage papers have you tried citizen advice? is he paying towards to morgage? cant you take him to court over signing the papers? amd i believe if you win he has to pay court costs
sorry i cant be much help but i didnt just want to scroll past xx

@Ruthsoph I don't have money to go to court as I'm legal aid through child contact my solicitor says they don't do legal aid when it involves a house, I also don't have money to buy him out. If I did they would have to see if I can take mortgage on my own even though I am doing it myself, he doesn't pay a single penny in over a year.

I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing I feel like one of the worst people in the world right now. I know a couple who lost there baby at 13 weeks and I feel absolutely awful because I should've used precautions

I would not continue with a pregnancy in those circumstances.

Whatever path you choose, I am glad we live in a world that you get to make your own decision. I wish you happiness whichever direction you travel.

@k24m i just dont understand how these men can get away with this sort of thing - makes me sick!
dont feel bad if having another baby is not right for you then its not right for you - you cant start thinking about other people situations otherwise you would never do anything
xx

Sounds like a very difficult situation :( hope you can find peace with your decision, whatever it is x

He may not want you to carry on with the pregnancy but do you think he would take responsibility if you did?

Forget about other people judging you. Don't base your decisions on what other people think. Be kind to yourself and try and make the decision you will end up feeling most content with.

You don’t just have yourself to think about - you are already struggling to make ends meet with the children you have already. What is the best way forward for them?
I feel for you OP, it’s a sad situation and yet again the man gets off Scot free.

@ExpectingatChristmas he's already got 1 child he says he can't deal with another one and he was like you have to get a termination. I just want people if they were in my situation what would they feel what's best I'm jsit petrified of my mum and dad they will really be so disappointed and they are helping with me with childcare for me to work and they're already saying it's a handful and that's with 2 no easy way in or out

Honestly, in this situation, personally I would terminate as I just think life will end up being such a struggle for you all with very little money and no input or support from either father. I think I'd also be very concerned about the impact it would have on my existing children's lives. But you can only do what you think is right for you.

I feel for you OP. If I was in your situation I'd prioritise the two children I already have. Good luck to you whatever you decide

I would think about what life will look like one year down the line in the case of both options. Good luck with whatever you choose.

Well if you do continue the pregnancy you would probably have to find some alternative childcare arrangements (which may have to happen anyway). You may have to sell the house and rent if it's cheaper.

None of it is an ideal situation. It would be tough and very hard work. In the short term you will be just trying to get through everyday.

You could still apply for child maintenance regardless if he wants to be involved or not.

Me personally, I would continue with the pregnancy.. then get some very good contraception in place afterwards. But, I know a couple of people who have aborted and their lives are in much better situations now than if they would have continued with it.

If all these current problems weren't here would you continue with it? Your current problems like childcare ECT won't always be the same.

I really struggled to get pregnant and so am quite anti-abortion where it can be helped, however with 2 very young children you need to do what's right for you. You've got time to decide and I wish you t he best of luck x

It’s a really hard decision, listen to your heart - go with that, and what would be in the best interests for your current children. I’m a strong believer that everything will work out in the end.

@Jesskir89 I have always said I could never abort and now am in this position I feel really really terrible I can't concentrate I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I look at my 8 month old and I just feel terrible I honestly don't know what to do or what's best this is why I've done this post to see what people think

Op I'm really sorry you're going through this but noone else can tell you want to do hun it's got to be what's right for you. We can only offer a hand to hold and as I've never been in your situation I can't offer advice but no judgement here on whatever you do decide x

How you doing op?

@Jesskir89 I'm ok head still a wreck , a week on Monday is my appointment I have still time to think I don't know what's right 😓😓😓😓😓

It sounds such a hard situation op, I can only imagine the turmoil you are in.
In your situation I would keep your appointment- of course it is heart breaking, in any situation but honestly if you're already struggling financially and with no support from the father, I think that an abortion would be the best option. You have to think of the children you already have and put them first.
Good luck though xx

Op can you see your gp and request an urgent councilling session? It might help. Or ask to speak to a community midwife as they can tell you what help you'd be intitled to etc?

@Jesskir89 it was my gp who made a referral she said in my circumstances this would be appropriate and a baby right now isn't the best choice. When I went to my gp appointment I was adamant and my decision. Was made there and then. Now I have until the 9th I am having 2nd thoughts I can see pros and cons on both sides. It's just a situation xx