Pregnancy guilt

[Avearage]

My sister had a baby 2 years ago... He had lots of disabilities and died around 8 months old she's still coming to terms with this as we all are.... However its easyer for us to move on as he wasn't our baby, I'm now unexpectedly pregnant with number 4 and just can't face telling her, she's a naturally jealous person anyway and this I think could cause so much heartache and bitterness for her. I'm waiting until scan to tell anyone but she's my biggest worry to tell

That sounds like a really tough situation op.

Would your mum know best how to handle this with her?

I went through infertility and while I know it’s not the same, I preferred people texting me the news rather than face to face. It gave me the opportunity to process it in my own way without having to put on a happy face. It also meant by the time I’d see them I’d be able congratulate them and mean it

I don’t know if this would be the right approach for your sister depending on her personality

That sounds very hard!
I agree with pp regarding texting.
I had fertility issues and much preferred my friends texting so I could process it and take time rather than them seeing the look of sadness on my face.

Congratulations by the way :)

She is pretty much the same with everyone and as the norm I'm the one she turns to...... She's been hateful about other family who have had babies and I can't put up with that along with her normal day to day stuff.
I also have this feeling she will say use babies name if we have same sex which I couldn't do but don't want to just offend her.

I know she will feel sad, I feel sad for her already........ After him she was sterilised as she already had 3 so he was a suprise x

Whenever people are being horrible about something, I try to remind myself that 'hurt people, hurt people'. I.e. if they are hurting inside, that can come out as hurting other people.

It helps me to not feel it's so personal and have compassion/understanding forvthem, than being hurt and upset myself.

I have thought about texting..... But then think its my sister.... Should I. Just go and tell her... Or maybe include her in a joint msg with other sisters.... So she feels included but has time to process x

I don't think a joint message at first. I'd tell her on her own by text if you think that's better.

Could you consider using the name as a middle one?

It's not a name I dislike.... Its the demand that she would place to use it the attention she would attach to my pregnancy /baby for herself..... Its making me sound awful I know but if I say she has burnt virtually all of her bridges with friends.... Family because of her personality as a whole might explain my reluctantness

I went for the group text to tell my family this time, it also saved the pressure of which order to tell people, saves the worry of someone being 'the last to know' :)