Don't know what to do

[Amyjo85]

Hello,

So I am a 34 year old with a dd age 11 and ds age 9. I literally found out today that I am pregnant again. I had the copper coil fitted 3 years ago so this has come as a complete shock. As a family we are happy and financially good (ish) could definitely afford another mouth to feed. My dh seems to think that we are too old to have another child and that it will tie us up for another 10 years. We have an amazing life with our dd and ds, and I believe another child will be an added bonus, however dh has already said that another baby just can't happen and is already discussing termination.

I don't know what to say or do

You and your DH need to discuss the implications of having the baby Vs having a termination on you and the family but ultimately it's your body, your choice.

It is still early days, but he is dead set that we will not be having a baby

He doesn't get to choose. It sounds like you want this baby. Congratulations!

Clever old you! Even if it was an accident. 34 isn't old, blimey you will still be a young mother when your baby arrives. You will adjust.

Discuss with husband, let him know how you feel about an abortion but please do listen to him, he's worried right now, it's a bit of a shock.

Ha! I was in exactly this situation a couple of years ago. Sitting up now while my one-year-old is chatting away and refusing to sleep. Really tricky. We booked the abortion clinic, but couldn’t go through with it and even then I was just crying a lot. But it’s been lovely. No regrets.

...and my husband’s had a vasectomy.

Hi OP, congratulations on your pregnancy, that's wonderful! 34 is not old for having a baby, far from it and I think you know that from your post. He's talking rubbish. That's your partner scraping the bottom of the barrel for an excuse to convince you to terminate.
If you want to have your baby then please speak up and don't be talked into something you aren't 100% comfortable doing. Once it's gone, it's gone.
The man isn't the one completing the consent forms or undergoing the procedure, recovering and thinking about it afterwards. You are.
Think about how you will feel about lots of things eg walking into the medical room where it's done, the end of the pregnancy, your own happiness and goals for your life, your children who might have loved to have had another sibling etc, how will you feel seeing other pregnant women or with baby/toddler/child the age yours would be as growing up.
If you switch the situation around, would your husband have a vasectomy operation if you asked him to? I bet he would say no to doing that for you but he'll ask you to do this operation for him.
Terminations can often lead to resentment towards the person who was dominant in the decision making for it to go ahead.
Partners can be very selfish once into their contented lives and so they can treat an unplanned pregnancy in a very trivial way- dismissive about what is really at stake. They treat a termination like you are going to eg the dentist to get a tooth removed, pick you up afterwards and after a day in bed they expect everything to continue as normal. Except it isn't a tooth being removed is it? It's a little life, your new little person. As much yours as his and you are the body that carries and nurtures that life. No one has the right to tell you/order you/convince or pressure you into not being a mum to your own child.
It's sad but true that your husband might not always be your husband but your children will always be your children.

If you want to be a mother to your child then you keep your pregnancy OP.

He can have a vasectomy if he's so sure he won't want any more children after this one is born.

Good luck OP XX

Thank you everyone. I have been badgering him for years about getting the snip, it has always been me having to take contraception, pumping my body full of hormones, which takes its toll over time. I'm hoping this will be the kick up the arse he needs to man up and get fixed.

I am going to see the gp tomorrow as I have had an ectopic years ago so need to make sure it's not happening again. Once I know I'm safe I will be having serious discussions with my dh. Xx

Good for you OP xx

Don't let him push you into anything. He wouldn't go through this if the shoe was on the other foot.