Benefits of not finding out the sex

[allthesharks]

I'm pregnant with my 3rd child. It's DPs 1st, so I said it's up to him if we find out the sex or not. He's decided he'd rather wait until the birth. If it was up to me l probably would give in and find out. So remind me, what are the benefits of not knowing?

I guess the only benefit is that it will be a nice surprise?

They’re aren’t really any except it’s a nice surprise after labour. But what are the benefits of knowing?
I waited and plan to wait again.

Having DH announce to me that we had a little boy was just amazing I’ve never forgotten it.

There are very few genuine surprises in life...

I have four children, and with the first three I found out the sex, and with baby number four I wanted a surprise, and I much preferred waiting. It really helped me through labour as I was so excited to find out what I was having! If I had any more children I would leave it a surprise.

You can delay dealing with everyone else's gendered bullshit - 'oooh another girl, didn't you want one of each', 'oooh a boy bet yours husbands happy' etc etc. Obviously you still have to deal with this after the baby is born but it gives you another 20 weeks to avoid it

I feel that it's a genuine surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks or at birth, so better to find out early and then you can plan and narrow down names

We didn't find out but I asked the midwife if my DH could be the one to tell me whether we'd had a boy or girl as soon as the baby was born - it was a nice moment and he properly welled up! 😊

Having a baby is exciting... first second, third and so on... but for me, for my second one, there was also familiarity. I knew sex for first but not for second and this gave a different dimension to proceedings. Hard to explain but made each arrival unique. Blah... I know that sounds wanky! I was surprised how much of an emotional impact the announcement was when I found out I had a son. But also loved knowing beforehand and bonding with my first, my daughter. Benefits to both. Stick with a surprise this time. As others have said really can be an amazing experience.

I loved having a surprise and finding out at the birth. I also think I would have got carried away and spent a lot more money on clothes if I’d known the gender.

I'm so glad that I didn't know what I was having. I found that people asked less questions or you could bat them away by saying you didn't know!

My OH originally wanted to know but I dont. Explained this to midwife who managed to convince him to change his mind.
She said to him for that first hour or so before you phone anyone to tell them you and the few medical staff are the only ones in the world who know what you've got.
Think that changed his perspective on it.

Thank you everyone. Your responses have really helped. I didn't find out with DD1, but the excitement of finding out in the delivery room got completely lost because she was born at 28 weeks by emergency caesarean so all I cared about was if she was ok. When I went round to SCBU three hours after delivery, I referred to her as "he" because the sex at that point was so inconsequential compared to what was going on that I don't think it had even sunk in.

I found out with DD2, but didn't tell anyone else that we even knew. The reason I wanted to find out with her was that I thought I would be disappointed if it wasn't a boy, and I was a little (for about 3 minutes) and I didn't want to feel that way in the delivery room.

This time around I'm desperate to know. I'm not really sure why though. I would like a boy, after having two girls, but at the same time my two daughters are so close that I think another girl would fit in a bit more seamlessly in their minds (I know a boy would too, but they both know what it's like to have a sister).

The decision has been made, we won't find out, and hopefully I'll go further than I did with DD1, with less trauma, so we'll be able to enjoy that moment of finding out in the delivery room.

We did the same as QuiteTiredOut and pancakesunday and DH was the one to tell me with DC1. Was a lovely little moment and we both cried. Will be doing the same again for DC2. Everyone is really surprised when we tell them we haven't found out and won't be doing so, seems to be quite uncommon nowadays.

I've had one surprise out of three and I much preferred knowing.
It's obviously different for everyone but for me the sex of my baby never crossed my mind during labour and it was completely lost in the moment at birth. I was just glad to be handed my baby and it wasn't until the midwife asked that I even thought to look. I was tired, overwhelmed, relieved labour was over, it wasn't a big reveal at all.
The 20 week scan is far more exciting when finding out and you have time to take it in, plan, think of names etc.

You dont get many genuinely nice surprises in life so this is one of them!

I had a really awful delivery with DC1 and finding out was a fantastic moment in an otherwise hideous day. With DC2 I enjoyed being able to visualise my growing family however I felt like at any given moment. I thought I might be disappointed with two the same, and I probably would have been had I known during pregnancy, but in the delivery room it was just amazing

I enjoyed the sense of delayed gratification of waiting, and wondering, it was nice. We didn't find out with either of ours and DD was a genuinely huge surprise to me, as I was totally adamant that I was having a second boy. So when she popped out I was totally taken by surprise!

The moment finding out at both births was so lovely, although DH didn't tell me the sex either time, as he was so overwhelmed. Actually with DS it was a few minutes before either of us remembered to check, we were just so awestruck by the whole thing.

I can't imagine finding out at a scan being the same, but it's totally a very personal preference and some people prefer it that way.

I waited until birth to find out with both my DC. Otherwise, it seems like opening your Christmas present months in advance!
I also very definitely wanted girls both times, and was lucky enough to get them. If I’d found out months ahead that they were the wrong sex, it would have made their births a disappointing anticlimax, and I might have brewed resentment in advance!

I never understood the benefit of finding out before personally. I really enjoyed not knowing and not spending loads on clothes 🤣🤣

Scans aren't hugely accurate anyway! We had a private 16w scan with dc2 which told us boy and at our 20w scan we were told girl....he was a boy. If we had only had the 20w scan we'd have been in for a surprise! I don't think I'd bother finding out again as it could be wrong.

We found out with our first because I wanted to know but husband wasn't bothered.
In my last pregnancy which unfortunately ended up in Miscarriage I joined a due date group on Facebook and was surprised by the number of people who were booking private gender scans as early as possible or had found out through NIPT. We were probably going to find out to prepare DD1 one but not sure if I like the rise of gender reveal parties and the gender stereotyping even though we knew with DD1 we had fairly gender neutral baby clothes.

I don't know the sex of my first pregnancy, due very soon. I just find it quite exciting not knowing. I also think it has stopped me buying lots of things and has helped me not make too many assumptions about what the baby may or may not be like. I quite like that it is just a baby and the sex doesn't matter that much and I am trying not to engage too much in conversations about what a little boy or girl might be like. I did start out with a preference for a certain sex, but that has gone away now I am well into the pregnancy as I feel I already have a bond with this baby and sod if it's a boy or girl. I think I could have been more disappointed finding out at 20 weeks before I had that bond. Also, when strangers decide to start asking you about the pregnancy, I don't mind them guessing the sex and prefer that to some of the other random and sometimes quite personal questions people come up with.

One of the things I liked was being able to look up and write lists of both girls and boys names. I enjoy searching forums and reading name books etc to find different names and it's double the fun if you are looking for both boys and girls.

I didn’t find out with DC3 but felt like it was a total mistake. I convinced myself I was having a boy throughout for some reason, I mean I’d guessed right with DC1&2 so definitely thought I’d be right again. I only really had a solid boys name so when she was born it was a complete shock, she was called ‘baby’ for weeks. It took me quite a while to come to terms with her being a girl, it definitely wasn’t disappointment of anything- just shock I guess.