Feel like I'm ready to have a baby but complicated

[Pumpkin108]

Hi everyone,

First time posting...

So me and my husband have been married for 2.5 years. I'm 27 and he's 28. We both talked about having children before we got married and knew it was something we both wanted at some point. I think we thought we'd spend a few years together and then try for a baby and everything would go smoothly...

Didn't quite work out like that.. The year we got married was a nightmare for me. Several awful things happened which, on top of previous trauma, resulted in me having a bit of a breakdown after we got married. I suffered with uncontrollable anxiety, panic attacks and physical symptoms which left me virtually housebound. Suffice to say it was a very difficult time and obviously impacted on our relationship as I became quite distant because of how I was feeling. I also became afraid of being a pregnant and childbirth.

Anyway I tried really hard to overcome all these difficulties but then just over a year ago I was diagnosed with a chronic bowel disease which has been life changing and hard to get under control.

Right now I'm OK. I feel like I've more or less got over my anxiety etc although I know I will always be a worrier. My health is OK due to various drugs but not 100%. I recently came off the pill after 11 years (!) as we thought it might be making my illness worse and ever since I have been really broody! Not sure if this is common?

Essentially where I am now is that I'm thinking we might as well just go for it. We own our house and are financially stable. I know if I overthink or overplan things, I might end up scaring myself and never doing it... I also think well maybe my health could be better if we waited but its a very unpredictable illness and we could wait 5 years and I might be better but I could also be worse. Also there's a possibility I could need surgery which can cause fertility problems...

I just want to hear some people's thoughts/advice as don't want to rush in and make the wrong decision just because I'm feeling broody but I just have this overwhelming desire to have a baby at the moment and even previously negative thoughts about not liking being pregnant have gone away...

Thanks everyone

Do you have any one else to support you, family, good friends? If you are feeling well and finances are good then I think you should go for it! If there are chances of your fertility failing in the future and you are feeling steady and healthy now then it may be the best time for you right now:) What does your DH think, is he keen:)

@stairgates so sadly my mum died when I was 19 and my Dad is an alcoholic who has abused me in the past.. I don't have any brothers or sisters. I have a few good friends but day to day not sure how much help they'd be. My husbands parents are lovely but sadly live nearly 200 miles away so wouldn't be on hand to help all the time. He has 3 sisters one of whom I'm really close to so I know she'd be supportive.
My dh is very keen (he always has been). He's really good with babies and children as he grew up with his mum and older sister being child minders so is used to having a house full of little ones!
Career wise it's taken a back seat for me because of my problems but I'm self employed doing something I really like which would work round me being pregnant/having a baby.

Then take the plunge, it sounds like time will never be better, you are mentally in a good place, financially, DH is keen, your medical condition is under control. Read around and be prepared for the lows of pregnancy, sickness, tiredness and know already that you are not alone! Being self employed is handy as you can work within your stages:) The internet is a great place for support as even on bad days there are people about in a similar position, used to be quite isolating when I first started out having babies in the dark ages it seems

You’ve had quite a rough ride! What is DH feeling about a potential baby? He onboard?

As someone with a chronic illness, please do consult with your specialist for your bowel disease before you TTC. They will talk you through medication you may need to stop (and when you need to stop prior to TTC). They’ll also tell you if you need anything extra whilst TTC to support a healthy pregnancy, and anything extra that you may need during potential pregnancy. I say this as someone who just went for it and had a MC which Dr believes is because a certain medication was still in my system. We are now 35 weeks with a healthy little boy, but that first MC was horrific and could well have been avoidable - wouldn’t wish it on anyone especially as it appears it was because of our choices and not just nature.

Wish you all the best OP

@keyboard91 thank you so much and congratulations! Yes I would discuss with my specialist although I know already that all the meds I'm currently on are safe in pregnancy at least until the last few months and even then most people stay on them.

It's been a tough time for sure. I sometimes question whether I can do it but I just know if I don't at least try, I'll probably regret it. My dh is on board, he would have already wanted to have one if circumstances had been different. He knows it won't be easy for me but he'll look after me.

@stairgates thanks. Yes am concerned about being unwell especially morning sickness! Also possible that pregnancy could trigger my illness to flare so vey hard to know

When I first read your post, I thought that at 27 you are still quite young and could take a bit more time to make sure you feel you really are stable and put some of the challenges from the last few years behind you. A lot of people I know have waited for their 30s to start trying. I know I have had times in the past when I felt very broody but it wasn't the right time and we waited (and the broodiness went away). When I came off the pill it changed my emotional state a bit. If you have just stopped taking it, is it worth giving it a few months to see how you feel once your body is used to it?

However, you have said there is a risk of your fertility declining significantly, and I think that would tip the balance for me and make me want to start trying now. There is never a perfect time and it sounds like this might be the best time for you, especially since you have always wanted children. Perhaps have more discussion with your specialists about the likely impact on your health versus the risks around your fertility etc. I have found pregnancy quite tough at times and I have no particular health issues.