So emotional and a bit low - anyone else?

[AliasGrape]

I’m pissed off with my husband all the time. Mostly he’s done nothing to deserve it, sometimes it’s just minor annoyances like him eating more than his share of the crunchy nut cornflakes but I go from that to thinking the marriage is over and he never cared about me in about a second. A little part of me knows it’s irrational but it feels overwhelming at the time.

I’m anxious, terrified of what can go wrong, terrified of how our lives are going to change and scared we won’t cope, scared to be happy or excited about the pregnancy in case I’m tempting fate, sometimes feeling I’ve made a mistake even though this was tried and longed for for years and we had fertility treatment. When we were unsuccessfully ttc I would have said I couldn’t care less if I never had a holiday again, now I keep thinking of all the places I never got round to going and how I probably won’t now. Keep worrying we’re too old, too tired, too selfish, won’t be good parents.

It feels like an age since the 12 week scan. My symptoms have died down, I’m maybe showing a tiny bit but I’m not skinny and carry my weight on my belly anyway so it’s hard to tell, I’ve not felt any flutters - I can’t shake the fear that I’ve had a mmc since the 12 week scan and I’m not really pregnant anymore. DH has suggested a private reassurance scan but I’m almost too scared in case I’m right.

I’m teary and emotional a lot of the time. I feel really lonely even though I’m not really, I have a lovely husband who is good and supportive even though I currently want to punch him for no reason most days, Close friends, family on the end of the phone whenever, supportive in-laws. I’m so lucky really so can’t work out why I feel so shit. I’ve lost my own mum and do miss her more than ever since being pregnant.

I’m only 17w+1 - there’s a long way to go and I really don’t want to waste what will probably be my only pregnancy feeling like this the whole time.

Just wondering if anyone can relate or tell me I’m not losing the plot?

I found the time between the 12 week scan and feeling movements and the 20 week scan quite difficult as I didn’t feel pregnant and almost missed the symptoms. Once I started feeling movements I felt more reassured and I started feeling more pregnant.
I think your anxieties about becoming a parent are normal; it’s the biggest decision you can make and will of course come with worries.
At times during my pregnancy I have hated my DH and then swung to loving him passionately all within hours which I blame the hormones for. As long as he gets that then just remember it will all pass.

So sorry you're having such a rough time. I remember having similar feelings... I felt so lonely and like everyone was leaving, and the way you describe the 'little things' with DH getting under your skin is very familiar.

You need to - and you CAN - get these negative thought spirals under control. Pregnancy can really exacerbate these things. You aren't losing the plot but you need to take action.

First things first - go to GP today to discuss your worries about the pregnancy. No excuses. I'm not interested in how good your good relationship is with GP or whether it's convenient etc, just go and set your mind at rest. Please. You have to.

And the next thing is to seek some support for your distressing thoughts. I would urge you to start with GP. Yes there are waiting lists but you have to start somewhere. It doesn't mean you're mad or weak. You are developing some really unhelpful thought patterns and it's causing you distress, and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is very effective for this and widely available on NHS. Even just a handful of sessions can make a world of difference. They even deliver these services over phone or internet in some areas so try not to be put off by logistics.

If you can afford to go private then google it for your area.

Lastly have a chat to DH. Explain how you're feeling and that you need extra tlc. And how much it would mean to you if he would leave the end of the crunchy nut cornflakes for you. It's ok, we all love a bit of crunchy nut

Much love

Hi OP. I’m a fellow IVf patient and totally hear and understand all that you said. As the previous poster said I do feel calmer now about the baby as the movements at 23 weeks are very reassuring. I was worried in between the 12 and 20 week and had a couple of scans!

I still worry tho -things like I’m eating badly and will get gestational diabetes. Lots of worries. Worries it won’t be healthy. Worried about the birth now. Pregnancy is really hard and I think exceptionally hard after a difficult TTC experience and all the anxieties that brings.

No magic answer but hang in there -time has in a way gone slow but also I can’t believe I’m only a month off third trimester. It will all be worth it. And yes I worry about our life changing and what we are going to give up -but I think everyone does!

Best of luck. I think trying to be busy is a good distraction.

Please don't worry about no flutters! I didn't feel anything till well after 20 weeks with my first! I'm 5'8' and a size 16 and didn't show till 20 weeks either. Your pregnancy will be different to everyone else's. I suffered no morning sickness, cravings, anything! It made it difficult for me to feel anything.

Irrational fear is completely normal, and sometimes my husband not saying hello quick enough when he comes in is enough to set me off. With my first child I cried for a while because I was worried my
Cats would hate me for bringing a child into the house. With this pregnancy I cried incase my cats and my firstborn didn't like the new baby.

If you feel overwhelmed talk to your midwife. They will discuss your mental health with you and seek to reassure you wherever they can

Thank you everyone.

Sorry, couldn’t reply properly before as heading out to the vet with my dog.

Thank you everyone for sharing similar worries, helps me to feel I’m not going mad. I will mention it to my midwife I think. I have previously worked with a therapist for anxiety who helped enormously and am thinking I might get back in touch with her, even just a chat on the phone as she’s offered before and has always helped me get back on track.

Meanwhile, I’ve had some crunchy nuts and a little cry on the dog and feel like myself again, for however long it lasts