First pregnancy and fearful

[JKD1982]

Hi ladies

I hope this isn’t a random thread but I just am feeling really anxious and wanted some advice or guidance from the community.

I am 23 weeks pregnant, all has gone well so far and despite usual pregnancy gripes, all my appointments and checkups have shown everything is fine.

I don’t know why it’s suddenly hit me that it’s real, but I am now petrified I am on a roller coaster ride I can’t get off. Our much wanted baby is going to keep growing and it will keep doing all sorts of weird stuff to my body and I will just have to cope with whatever it brings. And then I will have to give birth to him, it’s inevitable. I am extremely anxious about the birth either c section or natural and I feel a bit trapped. I feel awful even writing this as I am so blessed to be pregnant and I really want to be a mum. I just am scared of all the unknowns that are coming and the 3rd trimester realities of an actual baby being quite big inside me and having to come out. Please don’t think I am mad. Any advice? Thanks x

This is quite normal to be having these fears / anxieties .

I was the same it was only at my 2 nd scan that I was feeling “ ok so this is actually happening “ lol

You will be fine honestly ... make sure you and your birth partner are on both on board with what you want when in labour etc

try and relax and enjoy the next few months before baby comes .

It’s an emotional rollercoaster that your going through but it will all be absolutely fine , and is great that baby is healthy and doing well !

You got this !

X

It's normal at this stage.
Big hugs. Try to read a lot and watch positive things on pregnancy. There is this meme about a heavily pregnant woman talking to her husband saying : Honey I think I've changed my mind...
So ye, we all go through this stage. It's perfectly normal. Reading a lot and preparing helps a lot. Hope you'll get a lot of messages of encouragement.

Hi OP,
I experienced very similar to you.
I implore you to tell your community midwife and GP of your feelings. Your comm midwife could ensure you get extra support as your pregnancy continues. Here's some of the things my community midwife did for me:
Hypno birthing - got me enrolled on to a course of these classes run by a delivery midwife - it was fantastic preparation to address your fears and to build confidence along with breathing and focusing techniques.
I also got shown round the delivery mat unit and an explanation of where you go, what equipment is in the room, explained the roles of the various medical professionals.
I also met a consultant obstetrician who talked me through the various elements of late stage pregnancy and we discussed the 'what ifs' about the baby arriving. Consultant support me with c section as primary birth option if I felt that what I needed once I went into labour.
Midwife introduced me to some mum groups in my local area , for me to meet other bumps and babies as well as the nhs infant specialists who ran the groups. This was fantastic support, I asked all sorts of questions and got straight honest answers especially from the nhs infant specialists and the women I met are my closest friends now that I'm a mum, we have a WhatsApp group they we chat on every day and we meet up every few weeks - it's been brilliant.

My GP was concerned that I also had a very stressful job so he signed me off with work stress, told me to focus on my health and my baby and to stay close to my community midwife.

OP please speak to your community midwife, you are a sensible woman with genuine concerns that you need to talk about without fear or judgement.

You will be a great mum xx

I felt like this with my first baby I'm
Now on my second and I still feel like
It but not as bad all I can say is on labour day your body just goes with it and your mind knows you have no choice and you just go with it without thinking because you have no choice there is pain relief available if it helps you I had a water birth and gas and air which made the experience better and in the end you know your getting a lovely baby at the end of it and it scary but amazing at the same time try reading a book about hypnobirthing to try relax you or shop for baby things to distracts for a little while xx

turnedabout's advice is tops !

Thank you so so much everyone for your comments and advice. I will definitely talk to my midwife and ask some more questions to get comfortable with what happens next and what to expect.

I don’t know why it’s suddenly hit me as such a reality. Maybe it’s because I’ve started to feel him move inside me and I keep thinking wow that feeling is going to get more and more and it’s still 3+ months to go....!

Did anyone find that the kicks initially made them feel a bit nauseous? It feels like my insides are a bit of a washing machine and I feel a bit queasy from his movements. I assume when they get bigger that the kicks are harder but they aren’t tumbling around so much? I know it’s the most natural process a woman can go through and our bodies know what to do. My brain just hasn’t seemed to have caught up!

Hope everyone else is doing well and thank you again for your responses x

I’m 23 weeks too and I feel the same about kicking causing a bit of queasiness. The little flutters are now stronger and sometimes when he’s really active he seems to be almost kicking my cervix repeatedly! Makes me feel really strange!

Very normal in my experience and was certainly how I felt. I found the whole thing overwhelming and I regularly had episodes of complete panic, despite spending years ttc and spending my professional life looking after newborns. It will pass, and it has no bearing on your capacity to cope I promise.

I got to a stage where there was just a horrible... inevitability about things... and then I got to the stage where I just wanted him fucking out of me 😂 you will get through and out the other side. If you feel things are getting really difficult, make sure you tell someone. Good luck!

Hello. First timer here too! I would really recommend looking into a hypnobirthing course in your local area or doing one online if one isn’t available. I feel a lot more confident about the birthing process after doing it and have learned a lot of coping techniques for birth.

I don't have much advice but I'm pregnant with my third and STILL feel this way the further on it gets. So you are completely normal and they're valid anxieties. It's the most natural thing in the world and it still feels like the most bizarre unnatural feeling when you're the one actually growing a human inside you. I love each of my babies, but it makes me cringe when I picture them pressing on my guts and whatnot when they're rolling around inside me. But I'm not scared of labour/birth any more if that helps, I'm really excited for it. It really will be the best day of your life. As a pp said, you will get through the other side and you'll be happy you did

I 100% recommend the positive birth company for helping to reassure and inform about labour. Give them a google or look at their instagram. They have a digital pack to buy of loads of videos explaining all what happens to your body during labour and techniques to help you stay calm. You have to pay for it but it was worth it for me and sounds like you may benefit to take the edge off your anxiety

I think everyone has a little bit of fear for birth even if it's your 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc. I think it's the unknown and it's not something you can be in control of.
The best way I looked it was I may need a c section I may not, I might need stitches I might not. But I knew I had to get my baby out so what will be will be.
I took a very calm approach to birth after I kept this thought. I did need stitches as I had a 2nd degree tear but I didn't even feel them or myself tearing a little.
This probably all sounds like the obvious but just wanted to reassure you that just go with the flow and stay as calm as possible. The midwives and doctors will do whatever is best for you and your baby ☺️.
You've got this!
Wishing you all the best! x

I felt like this too, I think the responsibility suddenly got v real one day. I know this may sound strange but you can embrace the labour and the birth. It is hard but amongst other feelings I enjoyed both. I felt really proud of my body, a first for me! @turnedabout has fab advice and perhaps apart from asking questions you can tell your comm midwife I am feeling like x and I’m afraid. I found knowing what my body was doing during pregnancy and birth really empowering. Also, no one told me how much fun it would be. It is really, really fun to have a little one as well as exhausting and overwhelming and all that. Be kind to yourself and be proud of what you can do.

I'm exactly the same. I wasn't really over thinking about everything, but this week the reality of everything has hit me and i feel really anxious and scared. All the 'what ifs?' I'm also worried about the actual birth and wondering if i'll actually be able
for all of
this, and then the inevitable parenting. It's all really scary now!!!! I keep telling myself this is just anxiety and it will pass!

Thank you so much everyone for your really helpful and kind comments. It is very nice to know others are out there and can share and support.

I think the only thing to do for me is to try and take it day by day and deal with that ever I face at that time. I know there will be scary and unpleasant things to come but also I really really want and love this baby already. So just going to try and keep a balanced view on it and where possible have a laugh at myself for the fears.

Random one!! If I am really anxious during an elective c section can they give you a sedative? I had some dental work under Twilight Sedation and it was very much appreciated. I obviously don’t want to miss the experience of my baby being born but equally I want the doctors to focus on him and his needs and not be an absolute nightmare dealing with me. If I am a bit “out of it” I think that’s easier?? Sorry if that’s a bit random

Hey OP
I had a Caesarian and yes they give you drugs to keep you calm too. It's a good experience, very quiet, there's 3 teams, one to look after your head end, one to look after your belly, one to look after your baby. It's all very very well managed. You get lots of help in recovery too, no need to worry about a thing. They helped me get breastfeeding my baby very quickly so they will ask you what you want to do Bfeed or not so please think this over and know what you would like to do. They aren't judging , they just need to get baby the right meal and get you off to a good start.

Please read over my previous post and speak up, don't brush your concerns away - just talk about it with your community midwife. You are intelligent and are asking all the right questions- community midwives like to see that in their ladies. It shows you are conscientious and want the best outcome for you and your baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, you are doing great xx

@turnedabout thank you very much for your kind words and info re C section. I really appreciate it. I have my next midwife appointment on Thursday so will prepare my questions. It’s funny all my questions till now have been about ensuring the pregnancy progresses and my baby will be viable. And now my mind has just flipped to ok, how do I grow him and get him out safely! Maybe it’s normal shift around now but the reality of it all has definitely hit in now

Thank you again x

Xxx

This midwife is super cool and has a three part pregnancy course free on youtube. this is the prenatal part. The second video is about the labour in itself and then what to do the first minutes few hours and few days. I'm having my 4th now and I still discovered things that I did not know...