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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Arghhhh what would you do?

9 replies

Kezmum14 · 19/02/2020 20:51

I have my 20 week scan tomorrow and my partner came back from work today and said he wants to find out the sex. This is my 5th and we’ve never found out and have always looked forward to the surprise. It’s really out of the blue and his reasons are so he can prepare mentally if we are having a girl (we have 4 boys). He’s made it clear from the start he would like daughter and I’m worried he’d be disappointed if it was another boy. I’d love another boy but wouldn’t be disappointed if it were a girl. I just don’t know whether to find out with him, see if they will tell him and not me or to refuse to let either rod us know. I feel like it’s a huge pressure now and would rather wait until they are born to find out, saying that I do feel it’s one thing my partner can have a day in and be part of. I’m so confused and don’t have long to make a decision. Kinda hoping he wakes up and has changed his mind 🙈

OP posts:
Bookworm83 · 19/02/2020 21:27

They may not be able to tell you the sex anyway as it's not something they look for at the anomaly scan. And even then it's never 100% reliable.
However if your partner finds out will he be able to keep it to himself? Would his excitement/ disappointment not be apparent and spoil the surprise for you?

WinterCat · 19/02/2020 21:28

I would let him find out because if he needs that time to adjust, it’s probably fairer all round and means if you are having another DC he is excited and ready by the time you give birth.

Keha · 19/02/2020 23:14

If you can afford a private scan in a couple of weeks time, is it worth not finding out tomorrow until you are both happy to know, or at least have talked it over. That is what we decided to do as we couldn't agree, however decided we could always leave it a couple of weeks.

lauram31 · 20/02/2020 00:22

You’ve had enough surprises ... go on find out if you can :-)

fool11 · 20/02/2020 06:38

You said that he made it clear from the beginning that he would like a girl..hmm ..he should know by know the you dont just pick and choose 🙂..and also if I remember correctly it’s his/men’s sperm which determines if it’s a boy or girl, dna they carry..so he is fully responsible for the gender..good luck

minmooch · 20/02/2020 06:43

I'd say find out if you can for him. Doesn't make the birth any less special and your dh has time to get his head around it.

So much of pregnancy is in the control of the woman. If this is something that is very important to him then do it.

They may not tell you anyway at the hospital.

tallah · 20/02/2020 06:55

Ah it's still a surprise even if you find out today. You've had your own way the other times (I know he agreed too but still) so maybe you could let him find out if that's what he wants.

Dollywilde · 20/02/2020 06:56

We’re only having our first but I said to DH that it was up to him whether we found out the sex or not. As far as I see it, I have loads of opportunities to bond with the baby because I’m carrying it - I want to give DH the greatest chance possible of feeling connected to the baby. I think if it’s important to him I’d be inclined to say ok. As it is, if there’s a risk of disappointment I’d rather he got over it now rather than affecting his relationship with the baby when he or she is here.

Original poster
Kezmum14 · 20/02/2020 15:57

Update - we had a chat this morning and agreed that if he still felt strongly then we will have a private scan in a couple of weeks. The sonographer also showed Daddy in between the legs so he could have his own guess (i looked away) but he said he couldn’t make out what he was looking at 🤣

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