Self harming during pregnancy

[enchantedspleen]

Hi guys. Yesterday I self harmed for the first time in literally years. I'm 28 weeks pregnant and terrified that something bad will happen now.
I had a bit of an argument with family and after they left I slapped the side of my face. I've left a mark and I'm terrified it'll bruise properly. I don't care what I look like but I'm frightened that people will think my husband is responsible, especially since I have a midwife appointment next week. I feel so ashamed and guilty. I was frightened that I've hurt our baby by getting so angry, especially since that was what the argument was about (I work a heavy job with some lifting).
I've been struggling. I have been signed off with PGP, I haven't been sleeping well because of backache, I have sores under my boobs, I have thrush and piles. I feel like an absolute wreck and I keep bursting into tears.

((Hugs)) it’s a very stressful time especially when you have no control over your body. I would strongly suggest talking to your midwife or doctor about it to get some additional support as you may find when the baby comes there’ll be times you are tempted then too as it’s a major upheaval.

In terms of bruising, give it a bit to see, it may not bruise. I have been told that Savlon helps with bruising. I’ve never tried it but may work? If not, make up? But please address the underlying issues for your need to self harm.

I put my poor kid through some really top-tier panic attacks when I was pregnant with him, alongside virtually constant anxiety. I was sure he was going to come out a nervous wreck, but he was (and still is) the most chilled out kid possible. The little crapper didn't sleep, of course, but that's babies for you. My point being, babies in the womb are surprisingly resilient.

Puds is right, of course, tell someone who is likely to be helpful and be kind to yourself. If your hospital has an antenatal mental health clinic (few do) then get yourself in there asap and do not let them sign you off until you are 100% happy that you're ok. If not, take advice from midwives, tell your GP, pursue every line of help available and keep going - getting to the point where help is actually made available might end up being the most challenging bit, but just keep going.

As for backache, are you sleeping with a couple of pillows under your knees? If not, try it! I'm not exaggerating when I say it changed my life.

So sorry you had to feel this way OP, sending virtual hugs. As for the other symptoms, you really need to talk to your midwife or GP. They can prescribe treatment for your thrush and refer you to physio for your pains. I had crippling SPD with my first and I'm 24 weeks now with my second and had the familiar aches and pains start. I bought a 9 foot pregnancy pillow and I'm never without it now. Can you get one? Your back will thank you!