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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

my sister is expecting but.....

17 replies

kid · 01/10/2004 23:40

I wasn't sure where to post this message so I stuck it on this thread!
Basically, I found out tonight from a little dicky bird that my younger sister is pregnant again. She had a very late (23 weeks) abortion a few years ago and she didn't even tell us she was pregnant until a week or so before the abortion. Well, within a year she was pregnant again and she had the baby (he will be 2 next month). But the dilema is, she hasn't told my mum and dad (even though she lives there with her boyfriend and son). I know my mum and dad will be really annoyed at her as she can't cope with one baby let alone 2! But when my mum and dad find out that me and my other sister knew already, they will be annoyed at us. We have given our younger sister loads of opportunity to tell us, like when she said she was tired 'are you sure your not preg' She is so immature, she won't be aboe to hide it for much longer as she must be at least 7 weeks already and this is her 3rd preg so surely she will show sooner rather than later? What should we do?

OP posts:
lou33 · 01/10/2004 23:44

I think all you can do is give her your advice, but you can't tell people for her. Sounds like you are encouraging her to do the right things, but you can't make her do them I am afraid. If your mum and dad get annoyed at you, explain to them that you advised her to tell them, but it was not your place to tell them, so your hands were tied.

Chandra · 02/10/2004 00:03

Agree with Lou, and even if you tell them, what can they do about it? I wouldn't say anything...

littlemissbossy · 02/10/2004 00:32

No, it's for her to tell them not you... however tempting that might be.

essbee · 02/10/2004 00:35

Message withdrawn

Original poster
kid · 02/10/2004 17:14

I know my mum and dad are going to be more annoyed that she didn'tt say anything to them more than anything else. I don't want to tell them for her but want to get her to tell them. She doesn't even know that I know. I'm just going to keep on at her when she comments that she feels really tired or that she has been sick, 'are you sure your not pregnant' But my older sister agrees with me, that the more she lies to us and says no, the more it annoys us! But thanks for the advice and I think I'll keep working on her for a couple more weeks.

OP posts:
zebra · 02/10/2004 17:18

I don't think it's fair of her to expect you to keep her secrets... but then, it kind of depends how you found out, too.

poppyseed · 02/10/2004 18:01

Best to keep clear and not let on that you know imo. It is her business at the end of the day I suppose.

beansprout · 02/10/2004 18:02

TBH it's difficult to see why your sister would want to tell her family when it seems everyone is going to be so unhappy with her when she does. She doesn't have much of an incentive to turn to anyone? Sorry, but that's how it comes across. Maybe is she waiting until she is sure as 7 weeks is still early in any case?

zubb · 02/10/2004 19:32

agree with beansprout that she may be waiting till 12 weeks to tell anyone in the family.
If I had told a friend and they have told other people then I wouldn't be happy at all - its up to her to decide when and who she tells.
Another thought - do you know for sure that she is keeping the baby?

Original poster
kid · 03/10/2004 09:25

I was thinking she may decide not to keep the baby. The reason why my parents wouldn't be happy is because she hasn't got her own place, she is over running their place. She put her name down on the council 2 years ago but doesn't phone them up to chase them. Another reason is she is so short tempered with her son. She shouts, screams, swears at him, I'm not exagerating either The poor boy has a temper on him himself but what else does he know. It was my sister boyfriend that told us. I can see what you mean Beansprout, about her not telling us, but the longer she leaves it the harder it will be. Apparently she was on the pill but it isn't 100% so its not as if she set out to get preg on purpose. I just wonder how long this secret will go on!

OP posts:
bonniej · 03/10/2004 09:29

I'd just wait and give her a chance. 7 weeks is very early and she might not even have decided what she is going to do yet. Be patient and supportive if she does tell you.

misdee · 03/10/2004 09:29

i think it sounds like you sister has a lot on her plate atm. living back at home with parents with people judge how you parent your own is hard. i think you need to speak to her about chasing up the council, get your parents to say they are chucking her, her child, and boyfriend out on a certain date (28days). how old is your sister? it seems to me (and this is just IMO) that members of your family are waiting of rher to slip up. I hope she gets the support she needs and not judged, and hopefully will let you know about the baby when she has come to a descision herself.

Stripymouse · 03/10/2004 09:35

Did he ask you not to let her know that he had told you? If so I would keep quiet for now and give her the chance to deal with it in her own way. Your parents don?t necessarily need to find out that you knew in advance if it would upset them and make family life even more complicated.
If he didn?t actually tell you to keep it a secret, being an older sister myself, I think that I would have to find a quiet moment and let her know that I knew and if there were anything I could do to help out that I was there for her and take it from there. Regardless of how difficult the home situation could be or how impractical, and regardless of how immature or unmotivated she is when it comes to her domestic affairs, if she is pregnant and she is having a tricky time with her son and home life, she will need some support over the next few months from somewhere.

beansprout · 03/10/2004 13:07

Kid- sorry, didn't realise that your parents were so involved, which casts a different light on things. Depending on your relationship with her, I would tend to go for the "I know and am here for you" approach as I always find that my brother is the best person to talk to about my parents' reaction to anything.

Good luck, hope it all works out ok for you all.

Original poster
kid · 03/10/2004 22:51

misdee, they wrote her the letter and the 28 days was up almost a month ago! She has never left home, she has always lived there and she just moved her boyfriend in without even asking, he used to stay the odd night but then he never went home and started moving his stuff in gradually!
I'm going to have a chat with her when she is on her own, I don't want to tell her I know, but I want her to tell me. I definatley won't say how I found out!

OP posts:
misdee · 03/10/2004 22:57

how old is you sister if you dont mind me asking?

Original poster
kid · 04/10/2004 07:07

she is 22.

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