Pregnant and best friend miscarriage! How to approach?

[Sanityoutthewindow]

Hi there, so I’m 3 months pregnant and my best friend was also pregnant 2 months but has just miscarried.

She was the very excited over the top pregnant( don’t intend to sound mean) but I am a cautious pregnant and like to take each day at a time and make sure everything is going well.

She had already planned days out and ordered outfits and got pram and got whereas I haven’t even started to buy yet. She always made me feel crappy and said I’m not enjoying my pregnancy and I’m not excited (which isn’t true) I’m just cautious as I said due to a few earlier complications.

I’m completely heart broken for her after her miscarriage but feel like she is being resentful towards me.

Should I just steer clear for the rest of my pregnancy as I do want to enjoy baby prep and speak openly about my pregnancy but don’t want to upset her or anything.

Anyone with any experience or kind advice with this?

Thanks all who read 💐

Should I just steer clear for the rest of my pregnancy as I do want to enjoy baby prep and speak openly about my pregnancy but don’t want to upset her or anything.

You sound like you don’t particularly like your friend very much. Avoiding her because she miscarried is adding to her loss.

If she wanted you to back away, wouldn’t she do it herself or tell you?

@PurpleDaisies

I don’t want to avoid her because she has miscarried, I mean as she has become very hostile with me which I’m sure is due to the whole pregnancy miscarriage should I avoid talking or mentioning babies?

Sorry if not clear but just wanted to explain the change in her behaviour which is clearly understandable but don’t want to cause anymore hurt...

Yes of course you shouldn't have the baby prep talks with someone who has just lost her baby, I think that goes without saying? You still need people in your life to be excited with, but it's not likely to be this friend.
You sound a bit judgemental about her behaviour before the miscarriage - I've been optimistically pg and pessimistically pg and it made no difference at all when I lost the babies - devastated whether I had been "cautious" or not.

Hey OP, I was in a similar situation recently when my sister lost her baby at about 7 weeks. We were within a couple of weeks of eachother which was amazing and we were both so excited. She wasn't being overly optimistic or anything but basically I can relate to not knowing exactly how to handle it seeing as I am still pregnant.

I just made sure I was there for her as much as possible, I didn't talk much about my own symptoms and sent her messages telling her I was here, and she responded to that with telling me how she was feeling and being communicative so we ended up having a good support connection going which was really nice. I think because you are pregnant you can relate to her loss a little as I imagine you can imagine a little bit how she is feeling.

My advice is to just continue being there for her; don't cut off, but tell her your here, and then be there for her in the way she needs - she will make that clear. If she is resentful for a while that will pass as she will realise it's not reasonable to be resentful of you - but when one is hurting being raitonal is often not first on the list.

About a month passed before my sis started asking me about my pregnancy again, and so I started telling her and I think that's natural; your friend, like my sister, will be grieving, and at this time, it'll be other poeple who you will be chatting to about your symptoms etc.

Hope that helps x

On the day I found out I was pregnant my good friend miscarried. I'm now 34 weeks and she miscarried again in October so I'm almost due and she's had 2 miscarriages in this time. She's been supportive of my pregnancy as I have of her losses. She did however tell me she couldn't face my baby shower last week which I understood. Just take it step by step with her.