To try again after termination

[Aimee3]

I had a termination over a year ago now due to terrifying anxiety and depression. I regret my choice to this day but still dont feel at peace with my decision. I already have a 6 year old son but am just not sure whether to try again now or not? I'm 40 now too which doesn't help. Just wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation?

that sounds hard I don't think this is something anyone else can answer to be honest. I certainly don't think you'd be "wrong" to try again, it's a question of whether you would be able to cope this time around or if you'd go through the same again which would obviously be really damaging to you. Good luck in making a decision

@Aimee3 No one can tell you if the time is right to try again but here is my story.

I had an abortion in 2015. At around 6 weeks pregnant I had an acute onset of prenatal anxiety/depression. It caused a complete mental breakdown of which I can remember little of other than lying on the floor crying. I was convinced I was dying because the emotional pain was so intense. I did reach out to access support services but there were waiting lists and I couldn't cope. The pregnancy was planned but afterwards I vowed I would remain childfree or adopt/foster.

For a while I considered taking my own life. I was put on antidepressants and spent 4 years in therapy.

Fast forward to 2020 I am now 6 months pregnant and very happy. My mental health is being carefully managed and monitored by a range of professionals. I have made peace with my past decisions.

Pastnowfuture - Thanks for your message, it rings so true with me because I too felt like i was having a complete breakdown during pregnancy, it was so terrifying I felt I had no choice but to terminate. I too tried to get support from a local perinatal mental health team but again the waiting list was too long, even though I explained to them how I was feeling. I feel so sad about terminating my much wanted 2nd baby and at the moment am not sure i will ever get over it. I am very happy to hear that you are now 6 months pregnant and happy, can I ask are you on any medications currently? And who is looking after during this time? xxxxx

BadCatDirtyCat - Thank you for your comments xx

I remain on citalopram 10mg which is a very low dose. I was on 20mg but weaned off it in late 2018 ready to ttc in 2019. Unfortunately I didn't feel great and went back to 10mg to maintain stable mental health. Although I had some reservations initially the GP and midwife constantly reassure me that me feeling well is best for baby.

My husband is my main support but I also have a close friend who knows about the termination. I have a wider group of friends who know generally about my my mental health struggles. I am supported by a local mental health service where I still access counselling/CBT. This is not the NHS mental health team, although if my needs weren't being met I would be referred to them. I am also about to start meeting with a mental health specific midwife to see me through the last trimester.

I really do hope you can get the help you need.