Looking for abortion advice/stories

[nlpa]

Hi,
I recently found out i am pregnant and am only around 3 weeks.
I am young and understand the complexity of raising a child and am aware i am not in an ideal situation. However, the thought of going through with abortion is causing me some serious conflict.

A bit of back story: I have been with my boyf for around a year and a half and we think the world of each other. However he is most likely going to Uni in september. He immediately went to the idea of abortion and will not entertain the thought of keeping it which is understandable as this will detail his plans.

However I feel incredibly guilty about having an abortion. I feel like it's a selfish choice because in reality although not ideal circumstances, it is not the worst.

I was just wondering if anyone is in the same situation or has been in the same situation and what they did or anyone advice on what i should do would be welcomed.

#help

Hi nlpa,

I'm sorry you've found yourself making this decision and especially that you feel like you're making this choice on your own. Sorry it's a big of an essay but I hope it helps in some way.

All I can do is tell you of my own experience and what I learnt from it. I was 16 when I fell pregnant and terminated the pregnancy at 9 weeks. This was a medical abortion as I was too late for a chemical abortion - I'd suggest making your decision in the next 4 weeks to avoid what I had to go through. My boyfriend at the time was aware I was pregnant and ultimately supported the decision I made. However, my mum was less willing for me to keep the baby which impacted my decision hugely along with the fact I was studying for my a-levels. Unfortunately, the emotional support from my family after my abortion was appalling and this greatly affected my mental health in the months that followed.

So this is what I learnt.

1. Talk to someone you trust - and I mean really trust. Go through the possible scenarios and weigh each one up with them. A problem shared is a problem halved as they say.

1. Contact Marie Stopes - they're the biggest abortion clinic in the UK but they also provide you impartial information and will walk you through all options as well as provide counselling. They will book you in for a scan and a chat - and remember this is just to go through what happens and you can back out any time.

1. Realistically think about how this will effect you for life. In my case, the relationship I was in was not healthy and I would have needed to remain contact with this person for the rest of my life but would never have received the right support from him as unfortunately, he was just too flaky for that level of responsibility.

1. Determine what you would need to do, to do this on your own as well as ensure you receive an education. Who would you need to talk to? Your mum and dad? School/college? Counsellor? Job centre? Benefits office?

1. Ultimately...go with your gut. For me I knew an abortion was the right thing, I just needed more support to handle the guilt after which is where things fell apart. In my Mum's case, she went with her gut when she fell pregnant with me at 18 and never regretted her decision of keeping me.

Unfortunately, no-one can make this decision but you but just make sure you're not doing it all on your own and you surround yourself with people that care for you.

Xxx

Agree with the previous poster. At this early stage it's a division of cells inside you. My advise think about yourself and what's best for you. It's your life and you don't need to feel guilty whatever you decide. I had one when I was 18 and never felt guilty.

You have to do what’s best for you. Very shortly after I met DH I fell pregnant (in my final year at uni) we decided an abortion was best for us, as we couldn’t give a baby the life we wanted to at that point. Roll on several years and we’re in a very different place and have had a baby.
It isn’t an easy decision, but just make sure you’re doing what’s best for you.
I found. BPAS incredibly kind and understanding of my decision.

I hope this doesn't sound nasty but didn't you think of all this before getting pregnant? I'm one of those ladies who have had a real struggle conceiving and having my children and wouldn't for one minute think about having an abortion and I find it really hard to understand how people get into these kind of situations and are then asking for advice on how to terminate things when there are so many women out there who go through an absolute emotional rollercoaster to have a child with some not being able to have children at all. Sorry for the rant but everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

@cmc123x - accidents happen, we're all human. I fell pregnant as I was switching contraceptives - I was young and I didn't realise the 1 week gap between was enough for me to fall pregnant. Contraceptives fail for all kinds of reasons also being a little bit naive can play a part.

As someone who fell pregnant and aborted then found out I may not be able to have a baby naturally 7 years later I blamed myself and thought it was karma. It definitely wasn't...I just didn't know I didn't ovulate and that coming off contraceptive was what forced my body to ovulate.

The poor girl has asked for advice not criticism - it doesn't take much to be kind.

I had an abortion at 19. I was at university and it wasn’t the right time for me. It was very early - 8 weeks- and I took the tablets (2 doses.) I had a plan for my life that didn’t include being a mother at that age. It’s ok to be ‘selfish’. It’s your life that would be totally changed by continuing the pregnancy.

I’m sorry about your struggles to conceive cmc123x but you’re out of line. Contraception fails and no one should have to carry on a pregnancy they don’t want.

@cmc123x Everyone is entitled to their opinion but posting it when replying to someone looking for support is cruel. Your situation has no bearing on the OPs and and whilst it may be hard to hear, you have no right to try to make someone else feel bad because you had fertility struggles.

@cmc123x I'm sorry for your struggles, but they're irrelevant to this post. The poor girl asked for advice, not for you to berate her because she's pregnant whilst you suffered with troubles conceiving.
What you've said is really unkind and places a lot of emotion on to her - for something that's not her fault.

OP, I've been there. It's an extremely confusing time. Is there anyone you trust enough to talk to?
You choosing what's best for you will never be selfish.
Give Marie Stopes a call, they can talk you through your options if you feel having an abortion is right for you. You can also speak to your GP, although I believe they'll refer you to a clinic anyway.

Please don't berate yourself. Take care

Whatever you choose, you’re the one who has to live with the consequences - you might not still be together with your boyfriend in 12 months time.

I had an abortion early on in a relationship so slightly different circumstances but we were young and no way emotionally or financially mature enough to bring a baby into the world.
It was tough and I still think about it obviously but I know it was 100% the right decision at the time.
That was over 10 years ago.
FWIW we stayed together and went on to marry, we now have a 3yo and am due to have our second child any day now.
If we had gone ahead with the pregnancy back then I don't think we would be in the position we are now to create a stable environment for our children, life would have been a much harder struggle from everyone in every way.