Worried about overbearing in laws

[Lunamoon4]

Basically I’m worried about my in-laws and the lack of space were gonna be given when the baby arrives.

I’m at the start of my second trimester, my partner and I recently moved house and happen to be closer to his parents now.

They have started to just turn up at our house at least a few times a week unannounced, on top of that make plans to come over another 2 times a week to ‘help do washing and tidying’ and it’s getting so much.

I know they’re wanting to help but we’re more than capable and I don’t understand why we can’t do it on our own. I feel awful to moan because they are lovely but i feel so smothered, to the point where I’m worried leaving the door open while I take a bath in my own home in case they show up unannounced.

I know it’s only gonna get worse when the baby is here and I’m honestly dreading it. I’m a very quiet and anxious person and I enjoy my own company, it stresses me out to be around people a lot and I feel like once baby arrives it’s gonna be constant and I’m not gonna cope well. I know we will probably need help but if we’re getting visits all day every day I’ll have a breakdown.

I have mentioned to OH how I’m feeling (kind of) but I don’t want him to think I’m being horrible as he doesn’t seem to mind, am I being unreasonable?

Lock the door when you are in on your own. Don't give them a key if you think they will abuse it- if they already have one, put the chain on.

If they turn up and you are busy, don't just stop to entertain them, say "how nice to see you, I must just do xyz, have a seat ..."

If they offer to help, say " that's very kind of you, I"ll be sure to ask if there is anything you can do "- then just don't ask. unless you want to

I used to give a mil my ironing pile if she turned up unannounced "to help". Or I would be "just on my way out to insert excuse here

Never let them get to you: keep the moral high ground and kill them with polite kindness. Works better than a blazing row imo

YANBU you should be able to relax in your own home and not be on edge that people will constantly be showing up. You need to explain that you really appreciate their help but with a baby on the way you want to get into your own routine of taking care of your own home. If they don't get the hint make DP have a word with them, if you don't say anything now they'll assume your fine with everything they are doing and before you know it they'll be taking over with the baby too.

I just went through this exact same thing - once I had our DD, it did progressively get worse where they would just show up - then get mad if we weren't at home.

I got so frustrated with DH's family I asked him to have a word, which they ignored and eventually I had to step in and say something. I just asked to give us a text or something if they are planning on coming round and we will let them know if it suits. When you have a new baby sometimes you want your own space, not worrying if someone is going to show up.

They didn't like it at the time but it worked! It's so kind of them to help and take it when you can, but set boundaries now believe me it's better in the long run!

I know exactly how you feel OP, my baby is here now. Lock the door and keep the key in the back (in case of any spares) and pretend you aren't in if needs be.

My MIL was like this and it continued when DD arrived to the point where she was asking to babysit around twice a daywhen she was around 2 weeks old, constantly asking if we needed anything like the house cleaning, ironing etc or wanting to come around 3 or 4 times a week. I had to ask DP to have a word with her as it started to affect me mentally and made me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Their intentions are in the right place but sometimes it can come across in the wrong way, try ask your DP to have a polite word with them and explain that you'll need some space to adjust as a new family of 3!