Newborn fears

[Salire86]

To all those who already have had a baby...is it always horrendous at the start? I keep reading stories about sleep deprivation, hormonal crying, bickering with partners or barely seeing them because you are trying to catch up with sleep, how impossible it is to get out for a walk, shower or feed yourself! And how it takes months to settle and start feeling yourself again.

I’m 39 weeks pregnant so baby’s arrival is fast approaching. I didn’t take to pregnancy very well at the start but have really enjoyed it the past few weeks. I’m not really scared about labour but I am now fearful of how my life and relationship will change for the worse. I’m under no illusion that it will be hard adjusting but I’m very lucky to have lots of support from both my mom and mother in law. But all I seem to read is how difficult it all is.

Basically I’m wondering are my ideas about this lovely newborn bubble the three of us will be in all very naive? I’m generally a very organized person and have worked in the caring profession for many years.

I'm not sure. How people will "seem" or tell you that they are doing (in real life) may well be different from the reality.
I struggled. But I look back and I think I was expecting too much of myself.
I was trying to juggle my newborn with unpacking the house, (just moved a few weeks prior) tidying, cooking, shopping, having a shower etc etc etc. I shouldn't have bothered with any of the latter and just chilled and cuddled. Easy to say now. I guess my motto with the next will (try to be) don't expect anything of myself other than feeding and cuddles!

I found it hard in many ways but also wonderful in many ways. I was tired but also absolutely had the lovely newborn bubble experience, felt like my life had changed hugely but also for the better, argued with my husband a few times but also found whole new depths of love for him once I saw him being a father as well as a partner... and so on.

Some people find it more difficult than others for a whole big lot of reasons, but not everybody finds it horrible by a long long way, and even if you do end up finding it horrible you'll almost certainly find that's just a temporary phase and you'll come out of the other side.

It’ll be amazing. You’ll be on a high for a couple of weeks. And you’ll be very tired and wonder where the hell the time has gone. Everyone struggles and you’re naive if you think you won’t. You can’t control a baby. You can’t control yourself.

You will be awoken an hour after falling asleep with a baby who wants feeding. And changing. Then feeding again because they fell asleep during the first part of the feed. They won’t want to go back in their bassinet because it’s better with you. It can take on average, 2 hours to feed, change, feed and get them back down again. And then you lie down and can’t fall straight back to sleep. They’ll wake again and the cycle will continue. In between you’ll be having night sweats and leaking milk and bleeding and feel absolutely gross.

There will absolutely be washing everywhere and no time for housework and they ALWAYS wake up right when your food is ready to eat and want their next feed too.

It will be hard. But it will be absolutely amazing and the best experience of your life. Treasure it! X

I actually thought the new born part was easy as they fit round your routine if you want them to others an sure will say different, I breastfed and although I struggled with this part I was showered and breakfast and out doing things by 10am most days just dont put to much pressure on your self as the baby will notice and then he might get unsettled, sleep deprivation was fine as when they wake in morning u can feed amd go back to sleep when they do, what me and my husband do still now is one has a sleep in sat and one on a Sunday and the other takes are little boy down stairs my little boy is now almost 4 but still wakes st 6am and this works perfectly enjoy xx

I had my little one 13 days ago and I arent going to lie to hasnt been the easiest. The first couple of days we were in a little bubble of being a family and then the tiredness kicked in, which was when me and husband had alot of bickering over the stupid of things however, a week later its alot easier and are back to normal - I do the blame the bickering on me being crazy hormonal and crying over everything.

Until he goes back work, my husband is coming to bed a couple of hours after me and stays downstairs with baby so I can have a couple of hours sleep then I do the night feed which has been one round 4am and the other around 8ish which I dont think is too bad, if you put a plan in place for feeds it would be so much easier. You will be amazed how easy your body will adjust to the lack of sleep.
Dont let this scare or upset you. I love him so much and couldnt imagine being without him, just him looking at me with his little eyes makes it all worth while.

I'm 16 weeks in with my first and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Yes, there are some trickier times but just looking at my DD makes it worth it. Wishing you all the best. Enjoy every minute, it really does fly by!

Depends a lot on your newborn, mine slept in 3-4 hour chunks from birth and was a good eater and just generally quite chilled and content, so I had it easier than many, the sleep deprivation was tough but manageable and I didn't usually feel like I was right on the edge as I know parents with trickier babies did.

Despite all this the sheer relentlessness of it all hit me hard, I've no family support and was ebf so I didn't spend more than an hour away from my DD in the first 6 months, I felt like I'd completely lost myself at times. But it was still wonderful.

Not every baby is a difficult one, just to mention. My DS was my first, and yes, was a bit stressful at times between me and DH and sometimes was tired, but all in all he was a pretty easy baby, book tipe.
My DD instead , had a difficult pregnancy, she didn't latch well, I was hurting so bad after 24 hrs, she was jaundice in a few days, needed readmission to another hospital for 2 days for her jaundice, got eye infection after hospital, myself got sepsis twice and was in hospital and on antibiotics a long time, she won't sleep because of this many hospital visits( other than in my arms). So yes, she was a bit difficult, I cried at times, didn't have time to shower or wash my teeth sometimes, but understandably I reminded myself how difficult our start was and that she was such a wanted a loved little miracle god our medical history.

In the most difficult days myself and my husband will repeat ourselves that it won't last forever the sleepless nights and it will get easier with time. And it is.

With my first I didn't feel hormonal or depressed at all, just sometimes at the really start was a bit tired.

You'll be a great mum, take some of the good advice and forget the things that might not help you right now.

I found it hard in many ways but also wonderful in many ways. I was tired but also absolutely had the lovely newborn bubble experience, felt like my life had changed hugely but also for the better, argued with my husband a few times but also found whole new depths of love for him once I saw him being a father as well as a partner... and so on.

This is just how I felt - it was both brilliant and really tough, usually on the same day.

Also, DS is 19 months now and so far (she says, tempting fate!) it's just got better and better. The ratio of joy to slog has tipped further and further to joy almost day by day. I remember being quite worried when people told me the newborn bit was the best bit but that categorically wasn't true for me.

I think there's always a bit of competition when talking about baby experiences. DS was a bit of a nightmare for the first few weeks and I had a ELCS plus PND but I still had a shower and cooked dinner every day! It's a bit surreal at times but you just get on with it, eat a lot of chocolate (when DS would only sleep on me, I used to keep myself awake by eating) and watch shit TV.

For me the first week was extremely hard just because I probably got about 10 hours sleep in total over the whole week! One night I got 5 hours (in total not in one go) and I felt like a new woman. After that first week it was a lot better. People have more than one remember so it's nothing people aren't willing to do again!

What I would say is to be aware that not everyone gets the "rush" when a baby is born. DS was planned and very much wanted, when he was born I was of course delighted. I wanted to protect him and keep him safe and felt so lucky to have a healthy baby. I never wanted anything bad to happen to him and knew he was now my (and dh) responsibility.

However, the first few weeks (which admittedly were made more difficult by a bereavement of a very close family member) I worried I dodnt love him enough, that I should love him more or that I wasnt good enough. I wasnt postnatally depressed and I wasnt constantly focused on feeling this way but the anxiety was there. I was happy to have my beautiful boy.

It's ok to feel like this, despite growing that baby for 9 long months, they come out and you dont know them and the enormity of the life change can hit you massively. I dont ever remeber getting a sudden rush, I just realised after a couple of weeks that "oh my god, you are amazing and I love you more than anything in the world". Ds is 19months and I know I am the best mother I can be to him, hes simply wonderful.

The first week or two is tough with regards to sleep but ds settled j to his own sleep space straight away (co sleeper crib but used as stand alone next to the bed). But you'll be so proud of your baby and you realise actually you can cope with it for them.

DH an I are stronger than ever since the birth of ds, you just need to try not to feel resentful or keep score (ie: you got an extra 20 minutes so I'm having it harder). Becoming a little family has been and continues to be wonderful.

It's really hard but for me it wasn't horrendous. The first few weeks are a bit of a blur and it can be a case of surviving over thriving but it doesn't last forever. Sometimes you do have to take it in turns to eat or you go without a wash all day or you sleep at separate times but it does get better. At first even getting out of the house on my own seemed a mammoth task. It took me HOURS to get us both in a state to be able to leave the house and I was wracked with nerves. What if she's sick everywhere? What if she won't stop crying? What if she's not warm enough? I first took her on a walk to the end of the road and back, then to the corner shop, then to the post office. Unsurprisingly she didn't self-combust during any of these early outings so I felt a bit more confident each time to venture a bit further. And I think that's how it all comes together really, getting progressively a little more confident and feeling like you know vaguely what you're doing each day.

DD is now 3 months and we have both settled into something of a routine and she's an absolute joy. You'll be absolutely fine. Utilise all the support around you and do what you need to to get through the hard bits. Your relationship will come out of it even stronger, even if you're a bit snippy with each other at times or like ships passing in the night.

The newborn part was definitely the easiest for me but I had 2 good sleepers praying baby no 3 is the same when she arrives .

I have a 7 week old (first child). Getting used to interrupted sleep is hard, but after a few days you'll be used to it. You will in time understand what your little one wants and why they're crying, and this will decrease the stress. Having a baby is a massive change so you and your partner just need to make sure you have calm and honest conversations if you're struggling and to share the feeds (if not breastfeeding) to allow you both some rest.

The only thing imo to watch out for is the baby blues, this hit me two weeks post partum and it was horrible, I felt utterly depressed for about 5 days for no reason at all.

You will love your newborn and watching them grow makes it totally worthwhile.

Yeah It would be horrific if you didn't just love them so much.

Depends on the baby and your sleep... bit of sleep and you can change the world.

I got out and about with DC1, I had a dog to walk, so usually by 10am. I managed showering relatively easily and walking, maybe one load of washing a day plus hanging it up. But not much else as baby wanted holding the rest of the day. I never cooked dinner and we had a cleaner. Baby fed at night every 45 min- 1hour. But did seem to sleep between 6-9am so no early wake-ups.

DC2 is 4 weeks old now, well you have to carry on with DC1, so you manage just about. Well I have been tired though. I have to do dinner each night and we can't afford a cleaner, so I am trying to do it all. Still have the dog too. I can't lower my cleaning standards much as can't cope with dog mud. Best not to look at the house during the morning sun as it shows all the dust This baby sleeps better at night so I feel I can cope more.