17 month age gap

[Auntiedotty]

Just found out I am 4+3 weeks pregnant. This was totally unplanned as I am still breastfeeding my 8mo and we have only had sex on two occasions since he was born and my partner pulled out. I know none of these methods are 100% safe (obviously) but I am absolutely gutted. I have no idea how I am going to get this baby out or even cope with a pregnancy as I still have issues with pgp and incontinence after a 4th degree tear. My ds has been a really difficult baby and I have not enjoyed motherhood at all. I have no idea how I am going to cope with 2 under 2. Does anyone have experience of pregnancy with a baby/toddler? Any coping strategies? And any experience of 2 under 2 welcome.
Thanks

Also due back at work next month. How on earth can I go back pregnant😞

I had my DC 14 months apart and while it wasn't all smooth sailing I found routine made it more manageable, getting them both into the same routine as soon as possible was a life saver. It will be harder in the baby toddler years but as they grow and become good friends i found it was all worth it.
Have you tried speaking to the HV about your concerns and see your Gp in regards to the incontinence and pgp it's not something you need to suffer with.
Do you have a support system around you who can help during your pregnancy?

17 months apart for my youngest 2. It's hard but doable. I was full time
breast feeding too! Make sure you get excellent maternity care to look after your birth injuries. And maybe even the perinatal mental health team too? I'm no expert but it sounds like you have had a difficult time all round so shout up for yourself and get the care you deserve. Good luck!

15 months age gap here
Try to have a routine! Is very helpful

Wow you must be feeling very overwhelmed, particularly after what sounds like a traumatic birth and difficult first baby. Well done on managing breast feeding!

I just wanted to share that my sister and I are 18 months apart and have been best friends since I was born. I’m so glad to have a sibling so close in age.

My mum had a very difficult time with my elder sister - back to back labour, 3rd degree tear, forceps delivery. It should have been a c section and she had PTSD afterwards. To add to it, my sister was a very difficult baby - colicky, with an undiagnosed cows milk allergy (transferred through breast milk). She just didn’t sleep for the first 8 weeks! Mum gave up breast feeding after two weeks. She got much easier as a toddler.

Then I came along and was a dream baby! Slept through from the start, never cried. Practically perfect in every way 💁🏻‍♀️

My point is that a difficult first baby does not mean a tough second baby. It’ll be hard, but you’ll get through it! And at least it’s all over with in a few short years in stead of having to start over again just as your eldest is more self caring!

Look after yourself and make sure you ask for help from your real life support network - medical professionals and friends/family. Absolutely no shame in needing help - it takes a village to raise a child (and keep mothers of newborns sane!)

I haven’t got much advice about coping, as found having a newborn v difficult too, but SIL has the same (accidental) age gap. She says those first months were really tough, but her 2 boys are now the best of friends. They are so close, and being so close in age, enjoy pretty much all the same things. She liked getting all the hard baby stuff ‘out of the way’, which I can see the benefit of! Her boys are 5 & 6 now and inseparable. She obviously enjoyed some of having more than one, as she’s just had number 3!

Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.

I had an 18 month age gap.
It was hard in the early days as I had an energetic toddler who I had to watch carefully around my newborn. However they became real little playmates for each other. Basically I compared it to having twins. Sadly once they became teenagers they stopped being so close. Looking back I would do the same again as it was lovely. Good luck.

Hey, I'm in a similar situation, I have a 3 year old, 6 month old and found out I am pregnant again. So will have a 3 year old 14 month old and newborn! Eek. It was a bit shock as was using birth control and had decided 2 was enough.

Baby 2 has been hard, he has allergies, had colic and has reflux. Meaning he doesn't sleep well and wakes a few times a night. So pregnancy was the last thing on my mind. I am pleased about it now.

I also suffer badly with SPD during pregnancy, earlier each time, it also still hasn't resolved itself since my last birth.

My last pregnancy I had a 2 year old to contend with, it is hard and exhausting. Somehow you find the energy to just make it through each day. Try and go easy on yourself, rest when you can, ask for help from family etc.

If you want to chat more I'd be happy to virtually hold your hand through this tough time xx

Thank you all so much for your lovely kind replies. I have told my mum today, a girl always needs her mum! She is retiring later this year and has said she will do all she can to help us so her support means so much.
Can anyone provide me with any direction on routine? We have been very baby led so far with cosleeping, sling etc but I am all too aware that i am going to struggle to do this with two of them. Mum guilt is already setting in that this new baby will miss out on some of the lovely things i have done with my ds and the close attachment we have.
I am seeing the colorectal consultant next month to discuss my recovery and the incontinence. I have already had surgery to try and improve things so I am pretty sure they will recommend a c section. I think this would be my preference too but obviously lots of time to think about that.
I am so grateful for all of your replies. I know millions of women have coped with this (and far worse) over the years and I will pull up my big girl pants and get through it too. Xxx

@Snoopy28x you sound like superwoman! Our babies sound similar mine has reflux and cmpa. So I can't even turn to chocolate (or wine!!). How did you find going from 1 to 2? Xxx

Ha yeah it is a rough journey. Do you find just when you feel like your getting somewhere with the reflux or allergies something else kicks it off?? Mine has awful eczema st the minutes scratches his little face red raw over night. Resorted to socks on the hands last night. He also has a cold so spent the night in his bouncer chair next to our ber as that is the only way I would get a few hours kip.

I actually found 1 to 2 a bit of a shock. I to was full of guilt first time, because my little girl had our girl had our full attention for 2 and a half years. She is the only grandchild on my side so is spoilt rotten. So I think she found it hard sharing mummy, but she loves him now and always wants to give him cuddles and play. I do feel bad that my little man might miss out because, lets face it newborns take up alot of time.

Do you co sleep because of the reflux? Xxx

I carried on co sleeping, sling wearing etc but did invest in a double travel system that could easily convert from single to double and back again so I had all bases covered but generally one in the oram and one in a sling. I also bought a bigger bed! Had a co sleeping cot and the older one just jumped in to bed whenever they fancied it. The hardest bit was weaning the older one of breast feeding to allow me a bit of a break and before the next one started as I didn't want to tandem feed. He was 13 months when I warned so a good run anyway but I did feel a bit sad it was before we were both naturally ready. I was pretty well organised but just had to up my game a bit more. I had two in cloth nappies as well so didn't make life easy for myself but we saved a fortune by doing it.