Making mummy (to be) friends as a (not so young) young mum

[bluemoon2468]

I'm 27 years old, married and 5 weeks pregnant with my first child. I know I'm not very young, but with trends in motherhood these days it does feel like I'm very young! None of my friends have children or are married, and most aren't in serious relationships. Most of my friends are currently living young, professional, single lives, focusing on building careers, dating, travelling and bottomless brunches, that sort of thing 🙈. I've ended up in a fairly different place in my life to my friends, mainly due to meeting my husband at a very young age. I can see that once my baby's born I'm going to be living a VERY different life to them, and that, as well as them, I'm also going to need other friends who are in the same life stage as me.

In my area, I would say it's a lot more common to be a pregnant woman in your mid-late 30s or even 40s than in your 20s. Even walking around a few baby shops this weekend I couldn't help but notice that everyone looked at least a decade older than me! I feel like I'm going to go to NCT classes and mother and baby groups and be the youngest person in the room (I also look a lot younger than I am, so I'm conscious that without telling people my age, I probably look like a very young mum). I know this is such a stupid thing to think about (and that there are lots of mothers a lot younger than me out there) but it's a feeling I can't shake.

Is anyone else in this position, or were you when you first had children? How easy did you find it to make mummy friends when you were starting from scratch?

I would say try not to dwell on it. You will meet a mix of mums I promise you. My best friend was 25 when she had her babies. I was 32 when I had my first. Its never made the slightest bit of difference to our friendship. I don't disagree with you that parents tend to be on average 'older' these days, but just go with it. You may or may not be the youngest person in the room, but you will be ok.

I felt similar OP. I was 23 with my first and 26 with my second.The app mush was good for me as I chatted to a few mum's on there and then went to baby groups together. Then gradually as we got to know each other more we would just go to each others houses for playdates. A year later my school friends started to have babies so that made things much easier. With my second baby it's been harder as I'm tied to the school run and everyone is either working when I'm free or their kids aren't the same age as my little boy.

(the relevant bit to that actually was that I didn't meet her until our babies were 7/8 months old. I didn't know her beforehand!) We met at weightwatchers but bonded over children.

I was in a similar boat. I was 28 when I had DD. I’ll be 29 when DD2 arrives in May so I’m by no means young but I was the 2nd youngest at the NHS antenatal classes (I didn’t do NCT) and was the youngest at the NCT baby massage class.

I was also the first out of my friends to get married and the first to have kids so my friends are still too busy having fun to settle down at the moment!

I have to admit that I have struggled making mum friends but I don’t think that’s to do with my age I think I’ve just struggled to click with anyone so far but I’m still trying! (DD1 is 11 months) I’m hoping I’ll meet more when I’m on maternity leave with DD2.

All you can do is put yourself out there I guess!

This really depends very much on area, I’m a HV and in my city we have more deprived estates/areas where mums tend to be younger and then much posher areas where mums tend to put career first and settle down having babies 35+. But they all face the same kinda issues after so trust the pp when they say it won’t matter at all.

Fwiw I’m in a similar position where none of my friends are in serious relationships or having babies. I got married at 23 (considered very young around here!) and am expecting my first at 26. I’m a little worried about how much my friendships will change but also excited at how many more people I will hopefully meet cuz of my baby

I think you'll find that there are a variety of ages. I had DS when I was 34 and met my friendship group at school. The age that we had our DC ranged from 27 to 34. What we had in common was that we were all in professional roles with similar disposable income! Lots became SAHMs with our second DC. There was another group who were much posher than us!

I think age is less important than having things in common.

I know what you mean. I'm the same age as you and expecting DC no.2. When I met some mums at baby groups with my DC1, there were a couple of mums who didn't get me and made it clear. One said having a kid in your twenties is wasting your life. It stung a bit but ah well, I know it's not true. Most parents you will meet will be decent folk. My closest mum friend is 12 years older and you don't even notice it, she's such a laugh and we have loads in common.

I was 25 when I had my first child. To be honest once the baby is born your age doesnt matter, you're just another mum. I have loads of mum friends who were in their late 30s and early 40s when their kids were born - we bonded over baby stuff which is the same for everyone whatever your age.
Also you will probably find mums your age at toddler groups etc. Its not that unusual to have children in your mid 20s!

I’m younger than you. My closest mummy friends are the ‘older’ mums. I won’t lie, I’ve been confused for the nanny on occasion but ultimately it’s one of those things that people get over. One thing I would tell you though is not to assume that someone won’t want to be friends because you’re younger than them. That’s not really how the world works.

Similar situation had DD age 23 moved to a brand new area with DH were I noticed early on mums were a lot older in my town.
I went to different groups in different towns not just the one were I was living and met the most amazing mum friendship group me being youngest and oldest is 32 and when you connect with mums in similar situations you don't even notice the age.
But defiantly by advise be open to different groups in different places 🥰

congrats on your pregnancy! I'm 26yrs old, 37 weeks pregnant with my first and due to get married this summer. I've met lots of lovely other mums-to-be at NCT/antenatal groups already during pregnancy and never even asked their ages but assume they are probably 30ish and we got on really well. I think you'll be surprised, you'll just meet other mums naturally and wont ever bother to ask ages x

You are young 🙂
I'm 36 and pregnant with my first. And I live on the edge of a very small town so not got a lot of opportunities to meet other mums, regardless of age.
Have you tried searching Facebook for local mummy groups? X

With my second I got to know a good group of women who were 10 years younger yes they made me feel old (mainly over their love of love island) but we have all become good friends

I think people bond over experience regardless of age. Id say just go along to your groups and try and put the age thing out of your mind.

@Bookworm83 I haven't yet because no one knows I'm pregnant so I can't do anything on social media that might give the game away!

Thanks for all the supportive advice everyone! Tbh it's not the thought of making friends with older woman that's nervewracking to me - I have a number of friends in their 30s (though none are parents and many are single). I think it's more that I feel like people will think I'm really young and not want to talk to me because they'll all be a lot closer in age! I look really, really young. I think I could easily be mistaken for a teenage mum - in a pub recently I didn't have my ID and when I asked the landlady to guess how old she thought I was she said 19 🙈 I feel like all of the stigma attached to teenage mums will be applied to me (this stigma is really unfair anyway, but feels especially unfair when I'm a married woman with a good job in her mid-late 20s!) I'm sorry, I know it's such a silly thing to worry about and I shouldn't care what people think. But I feel like I want to walk into antenatal classes with a sign round my neck that says my age and a big arrow pointing to my wedding ring 😆