Overwhelmed with everything...feel a bit useless.

[Meadows89]

Hi all,

I suppose I'm just looking for somewhere to kind of offload as I don't really know what else to do right now.

I'm currently 23+1 weeks pregnant with my first and have quite severe SPD along with hyper mobility and a chronic pain condition. This means I'm not sleeping which is now affecting my anxiety. My pregnancy hasn't been the easiest as I've had three bleeds and has been classified as a high risk pregnancy.

My anxiety is making me think the worse about everything. I don't trust any medical professionals, they all just seems so blasé and not bothered by anything that it's making me more nervous that's somethings going to go wrong due to complacency or negligence. The maternity unit I'm going to have gone into requires improvement because of major failings due to avoidable deaths of both mothers and babies. However, the other hospitals near me haven't got a good track record as everyone seems to have a horror story to tell about each one.

I feel sick all the time and teary with what I can only describe as fear. My poor boyfriend is trying his best to help but he can't be with me 100% of the time. I've been working from home but now off sick as I just can't function...I'm bursting into tears every 30 minutes and feel like a complete failure.

Family and friends all seem to think I'm ok as they all see me as this capable, strong willed person but in reality that's a bit of a front and they don't know what to do when I'm not the stable one. Overall, I just feel really alone and bit lost...baby is doing really well but I'm so petrified something bad is going to happen I just can't enjoy my pregnancy.

Please tell me I'm not going insane...I feel like when the time comes to have bub I'm going to need sedating to not be in a blind panic.

Xxx

Hiya, I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time of things. Pregnancy is a very worrying time, you want to protect that tiny person inside you before you've even met them.

I think with everything, alot of people tell you the bad experiences they've had rather than good ones. Try and focus on the positive. When the time comes your body sort or takes over and any fear you have sort of gets put on the back burner. I think Its normal to have a wobble, you've got a lot of hormones floating about.

I also suffered from horrendous SPD with both pregnancies. It is a pain you cant describe and unless youve had it, people don't understand. You need to be kind on yourself, rest, cry If you need to. Maybe speak to your midwife about how your feeling and the concerns you have about the hospital?

Xx