So anxious about going into hospital for the birth

[kitchendreams]

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby and am planning on a hospital birth. However, I have a massive fear of hospitals - I've never had to stay overnight in one thankfully, but have visited other people there and attended my pregnancy scans.

I honestly just hate going into them and they cause me so much anxiety. It's been made so much worse from reading about people's awful experiences on MN as well - the postnatal ward in particular sounds horrendous, with people talking about really disgusting loos and showers (someone mentioned blood on the floor!), dirty wards, noise and staff being rude and abrupt or just ignoring them altogether.

I'm actually more anxious about the hospital stay than the birth itself, and am desperately hoping I can get in and out as quickly as is humanly possible.

I would love to pay to go private but don't have the money - and am too worried to have a home birth as I've been told by lots of people that it's not advisable with your first pregnancy. Plus you're often rushed to hospital anyway if things don't work out apparently.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get over this?

Oh sweetheart

You can absolutely have a home birth with a first baby. There is statistically a slightly higher chance of complications than with a second/third/plus baby, but provided you’re not hours from hospital it’s worth considering. You’d have two midwives present.

Also - if you DO have to go to hospital, then as long as the birth is straightforward you can opt for a 6 hour discharge from labour ward, you might not even need to see the postnatal ward.

It’s worth sharing your fears with your midwife, and go for some tours of the hospital. You could also try cbt or hypnosis to help change your thinking around the hospital.

Wishing you all the best

Thanks. I have social anxiety and the thought of being in a room and having to sleep with five or six strangers, while possibly in a lot of pain with a new baby to look after, is really terrifying me.

I would read up more on homebirth, the NHS considers it is a safe option for low risk first time mums. There is some evidence that it is slightly riskier for baby but is worth considering how far you are from hospital and what sort of homebirth service is offered in your area. The risks are very low so its still considered a safe option. In labour you need to feel as safe and relaxed as possible. I don't want to cause you more anxiety but if you are scared and anxious during labour it's more likely to be slow, your more likely to end up with medical interventions and then end up on a ward. That might outweigh the Homebirth risks for you. No option is entirely foolproof. Maybe speak to your midwife and discuss the options a bit more.

Look into a home birth OP. I'm planning one for approx 7 weeks time so no telling whether I'll get it but I've done plenty of research. Birth is very safe wherever you do it and home birth for a first time mum is only very slightly more risky than a hospital birth. No more risky once you get to second, third time etc. Lower risk of intervention. Most hospital transfers are due to slow first stage or the mum wanting pain relief, not emergencies. It's not for everyone but once you start looking into it your opinion may completely change- mine did.

I had a straight forward birth baby was born at 6am discharged 8pm that night so was only in hospital overnight labouring in a room by myself. Never made the ward was on midwife led unit and stayed in the room where I gave birth which had an ensuite.
I think in some hospitals you can pay for a private room if one is available. Most hospitals offer a labour award tour before you give birth hopefully that will put you more at ease.

Do you have an MLU near? I gave birth in one as I wanted to avoid going into a ward and wanted my own room. No guarantees obviously but worked for me.

Do you have an MLU near?

Yes I do. But if I need an epidural then I’ll end up on the ward.

For my first birth, after considering all my options and distance from hospital, I planned a home birth. At any time during my labor, I could have chosen to be transferred to hospital, especially if I thought I needed more pain relief or the labor was long, etc. I was in control of that choice. It meant that I could labor at home with a midwife instead of on a ward and could just stay at home if birth was uncomplicated and straightforward. Perhaps speak with your midwife about your options?

Take the advice of your midwife and obstetrician regarding a home birth not just random people who don’t know the medical facts and your unique circumstances.

If you have a straightforward birth you can be discharged 6 hours after birth so no need for an overnight stay.

Even with home births there is no guarantee you won’t end up in hospital, my friend had one gave birth at home but DS had to go in for further checks so they were on a ward for 12 hours after.

Is it it something you have discussed with your midwife?
In both hospital and an MLU you will give in active labour and give birth in your own room. These have en-suite and you don’t see anyone other than your midwife or birthing partner.

However if you need an epidural or spinal you will go to award after as you will need a catheter fitted until you have feeling back again.
With epidurals and spinals they do keep you overnight.

There are private rooms at some hospitals you can pay for for after birth, however there wouldn’t be a guarantee you would get one as those with higher needs would take priority ( ie bereavement)

Home birth would be ideal for you but if you find you need intervention such as being induced, it prob will be the hospital and likely on a ward unless you can get a private room ... and then during birth if you have further intervention ... ventuse, forceps, stitches, ceasarian etc you will be back in your room or ward ... I think your desire for what's best for the baby will likely override your anxiety about hospitals.

I don't feel it's something I can discuss with my midwife, as all the staff I've met sing the praises of the hospital and would probably think I was scum of the earth if I raised any concerns about hygiene and rude staff!

It could be that the staff at this particular hospital are lovely to be fair - and I do know a few people who've had good experiences there. However the maternity department has been rated "inadequate", which I find very alarming. The only other hospital nearby is also rated inadequate, so it's not like I have a great choice!

In both hospital and an MLU you will give in active labour and give birth in your own room. These have en-suite and you don’t see anyone other than your midwife or birthing partner.

@Namechangerejsjs1239 Is this always the case? If so that does reassure me a bit. Is it likely that the private room and en suite will be nice and clean?

I feel your pain OP I hate hospitals, I’ve never had to go personally and have only visited very poorly people so associated them with bad things

I had to stay in hospital during my pregnancy for a couple of nights and I was really upset about it but it was lovely. I had a private room which of course helped, so if you can pay for one I highly recommend it! I was treated amazingly by everyone, never went without anything. My care is now consultant led and I will have to stay in after giving birth but I feel so much better about it now!

Remember everyone’s negative experiences are all relative and people also like to dramatise to make a better story after!

Yes I do. But if I need an epidural then I’ll end up on the ward.

Do you realise you’ll be in a private room to give birth in, you should never give birth on a ward of other women?

I think it’s worth discussing this all with your midwife and seeing if you could get a tour. I had some similar concerns about our local hospital having transferred from a large, leading medical institute but actually it’s been fantastic, seeing the MLU and meeting the team has really reassured me.

In my hospital also the MLU rooms are literally next door to the labour rooms, so if I do need an epidural it’s a 20 second walk down the corridor to a different private room.

Please discuss with the midwife, you will get a lot of reassurance and it sounds like there is a bit of confusion about where you’ll actually be. Ask all those questions and voice your concerns. Also make sure you’ve prepped your partner and added this to your birth plan so they can speak up on your behalf on the actual day

You should always give birth in a private room, although it depends on the hospital as to whether it has en suite facilities. I’ve been lucky as both the hospitals I gave birth in were very clean - I ended up with c sections both times so stayed on the post natal wards but also spent time on ante natal wards. I’m very twitchy about hospitals but no issues in terms of cleanliness. And most (first time)/all (second time) staff were lovely.

Definitely discuss your anxieties with your midwife, as they can provide more support if they know what you’re worried about.

I gave birth in a private room as soon as I was moved to postnatal I self discharged because my anxiety just wanted to get baby home. (They wanted to keep me in to monitor my heart rate but I was so anxious my heart rate was high anyway)
I just knew I needed to be at home. The midwife checked my over the next day and my heart rate had gone back down.

I wish you the best.

It's worth considering a home birth if you're at all interested in it. Bear in mind that in some other European countries it's seen as much more of a 'normal' choice - in the Netherlands a third of babies are born at home, and it's the recommended option for low risk births. And they have one of the lowest rates of infant and mother mortality in the world.

Have you had a tour of the maternity unit of your hospital?
You'll be able to judge cleanliness for yourself. I'll be honest, I've never been in a dirty hospital before (and I've been in lots).

You never give birth on a shared ward, only in a private room. Recovery/postnatal tends to be shared, but you can minimise this. Unless there are issues such as pre-eclampsia or induction, you'll also not be on a shared ward when you enter hospital - occasionally for 20 mins' monitoring, after this if you're in active labour you get a room, if you are not you will likely be encouraged to go home.

• Talk about homebirth with your midwife. When I booked a homebirth but transferred in, I was out again ASAP because they knew I didn't want to be in hospital. This is called Domino (Domiciliary in-n-out) in some trusts and could be an option for you.

• Ask about fast discharge generally assuming you have a straightforward birth.

• Ask about the possibility of paying for a private room postnatally and the availability of these. MLU sometimes have more available.

I don't like hospitals and was also worried about this side of things but I ended up with a private suite to myself, had my daughter about 10am and stayed in there till tea time and then went home. Had my own birthing pool, own toilet, separate shower room... never saw the post natal ward, couldn't even tell you where it is!

Might be worth having a look at other hospitals in your area and finding one you are comfortable with - a birth centre as opposed to a hospital is a MUCH better option and so much more relaxed. The hospital I gave birth at wasn't where I was registered but my maternity ward was full so I had to go here. I'm due number 2 next month and have self referred myself to the same birth centre/hospital again because it was so much better than a normal maternity ward/hospital. Don't feel tied to the hospital your midwife has given you, you can give birth anywhere so find a birth centre you are happy with :)

Hey OP, sounds a bit worrying if the labour ward has been classified as inadequate... that would also worry me.

Consider an MLU or another hospital, or, consider a home birth! Honestly, it could be so good for you. I haven't given birth yet but am pregnant with my first and having done a lot of research, I've decided to aim for a home birth. Aim because I know I may have to transfer to hospital. However, from what I have read, transfers nearly always happen because the labour is taking a long time or the mother needs pain relief, rather than an emergency. I am only 20 mins from my nearest hospital so I feel comfortable having a home birth and transferring if need be.

The evidence suggesting it's slightly riskier for first time births to do it at home has actually been disputed, and even if it is true, the risk is only such a tiny bit higher. Other really interesting statistic is that intervention is MUCH less likely with a home-birth because the mother nearly always feels more relaxed, so the birth usually goes much more smoothly. This is the case for first time births and subsequent births.

Is there a reason you don't want a home-birth? I would highly recommend looking into it more! It is one of the first suggestions on the NHS website. Also think about hypno-birthing (this is actually breathing exercises to help with the birth) to help with anxiety about needing pain meds etc.

A really good book which sets out all your options very well and impartially is the Positive Birth Book by Millie Hill - take a look at it and you will feel so much better!

Good luck.

Just to add - please don't feel scared to talk to your midwife about your concerns or a home birth etc! That's what they are there for.

Also, you need oxytocin to give birth, and you won't release this if you are feeling really anxious about your environment. So it's really good you are thinking about this now as it's a good idea to address and hopefully resolve your anxieties before you go into labour. x