Hi Guys
I am looking for some genuine advice as I am in a difficult position.
I am pregnant and it was completely unplanned. At first I was over the moon but as the weeks have passed I am becoming more depressed and anxious and overwhelmed. I don't have any children currently and I am 32. One previous pregnancy 3 years ago that ended in miscarriage.
The reason I am feeling so bad is because the father has been very nasty to me over the pregnancy. We have been on and off for a number of years but I have always kept my distance due to his controlling and womanising ways. But somehow I still had strong feelings for him. He met someone else but hid that from me and she got pregnant and he hid that from me too and continued to meet me. Their relationship is full of arguments and fall outs and he was always coming running to me when they would fall out and even when they hadn't fell out he was happy to cheat on her with me. Because I had strong feelings for him and he was lying to me a lot he was getting away with seeing us both. He kept telling me he was single etc.
Now completely unplanned he has managed to get me pregnant. At first my hormones were all over the place and I was angry as he was unsupportive . So he has 2 older children from one woman and this one young baby around 3 months old. I am 10 weeks pregnant now.
Without going into all details he has been absolutely vile over my pregnancy , I assume to push me into terminating. Because I was so wrapped up in these arguments and not bending to his will .. I wanted to overcome all the issues and keep the baby.. As abortion is not something I take lightly and something that I am sure I could deal with on my conscience. But this guy has been super mean and threatening and I feel genuinely intimidated for my safely. He has said he wants revenge etc and has threatened my address because I wanted the truth out and this woman he is with messaged me asking for the truth. So I told her the truth that he has still been meeting me except she does not know about my pregnancy. To be honest I am pretty sure she must know what he is like and seems to forgive him all the time anyway so it is basically an abusive relationship. I know I am well out of it and better off away from him and i have been trying to push him away and fight my feelings for a long time. At this point apart from still finding me attractive and willing to use me for sex I don't think he really has feelings for me anymore and wants to move on too.
So.. Although all this sounds silly and bad this is a smooth talking guy who gets a lot of women and gets away with being a complete b*stard.
He has actually been to prison for his treatment towards other women in the past including battery and he has had restraining orders on him by women in the past. So he can genuinely be a dangerous person so I should be thankful he is concentrating on this other woman.
So.. Although I am not someone for taking abortion lightly.. I have had a bad gut feeling in my stomach about the pregnancy . And as I suffer from anxiety and depression i am feeling constantly upset, stressed and am now verging on the point of clinical depression as I am refusing to go out and do things a lot of the time and I am lying in bed all day. I live alone.
So I found out i was pregnant just before christmas and I was super excited and I didn't want to think about abortion. With it being christmas and new year I didn't manage to get in to see a doctor etc.
But since I was 6 weeks pregnant I started having serious doubts about going through with the pregnancy and contacted my local clinic. By the time I was 7 weeks I decided it would be best to have the termination because of my mental health and the whole situation. Not a decision I would take lightly at all and something I have been constantly researching online and trying to decide if I can go through with it.
The clinic got me an appointment for a termination a week later but it was out if my town and on the morning of the appointment I was suffering severe nausea and anxiety and sickness to the point where I couldn't make it to the appointment. They managed to get my an appointment nearer to my home for the week after and I went to that appointment but when I started talking to the lady she said she could not issue me with the tablets for a medical abortion as I was saying I was 50/50 and couldn't make my mind up. As I became indecisive during the appointment due to anxiety. I was also right on the cusp of being able to have an abortion that day. So if I go for an abortion now it will be a put to sleep surgical abortion but the woman thought that would be easier for me with my anxiety.
But however bad I feel about the situation I feel a motherly protective over the little fetus and don't want it to come to any harm.
But my mental health is terrible.. I am severely depressed and anxious and honestly don't know how I will cope with the birth, pregnancy and then cope with looking after a baby. With my mental health how it is.. And how this guy has treated me and hurt me.. I feel like I am in an impossible dilemma.
I am now edging close to my mid 30's and wondering if this is my last chance to become a mum? Even though I don't feel ready. I have also had some previous health problems that could have affected my fertility so I feel lucky that I am fertile and I don't want to just throw that away without a fight.
I know it might be hard for you to gauge how much of a threat this guy may be to me in the future and I am unsure too but ideally I need him out of my life for my mental health. I think in all honesty he is handling it as bad as I am.. And realistically me and him will not work relationship wise so if his girlfriend finds out about this baby it could end them permanently and he could end up with neither of us.. I have no idea how he will play this in the future. Best case scenario he would leave us alone but he may ask for contact etc. I doubt he would permanently turn his back on his own child.
I am worried about post natal depression and coping with a baby alone.. And being pregnant and single is really getting me down. I have no idea how well or badly it could pan out if I do continue the pregnancy...
If anyone has any thoughts or has been in similar situations please let me know. I would have thought that once the baby is here you would never regret it and always be pleased.. But I also know it is possible this guy being the father could have long term negative affects on my mental health and wellbeing.