So stressed out - too much work and not enough time

[stressedout85]

I’m a new mum to be and also run my own business. It’s lovely in that I get to work from home, but I find it difficult to turn down new projects due to the thought of earning extra money - as my financial situation is quite tight. Consequently I am permanently under pressure and feeling stressed trying to meet my clients’ deadlines. I’m also a terrible procrastinator and tend to put things off until the last minute, which admittedly doesn’t help matters.

Anyway, I’m now 27 weeks pregnant and nothing has changed - I’m under huge pressure with a load of upcoming projects.

I was hoping by this stage of pregnancy that I’d be planning out the nursery, choosing prams and cots, fitting in an online hypnobirthing course, reading up on how to breastfeed and reflecting on how I can be the best parent I can be.

Instead I’m in my usual headless chicken mode, desperately trying to get the next mountain of work done and not even beginning to think about any of the above.

A friend generously brought round about six huge bags of baby clothes yesterday that will need to be sorted and washed - I can’t help but think it’d be quicker just to take the lot to the charity shop and order some new stuff online, because the amount of clothing is overwhelming.

Add to all that, the house (especially upstairs) is a permanent mess and there’s a tonne of stuff that needs decluttering and sorting - not to mention DIY tasks - before the baby arrives.

I feel like I’m going to go into labour without a clue what I’m doing or how to look after a baby at this rate, but like I say, it’s so hard to turn down money when you’ve not got a lot in the bank and are being offered the work.

I’ve been taking out my stress on DH, who’s also under pressure at work - and am feeling even more guilty and stressed as a result, as he now has all my troubles on his shoulders.

Hiring a cleaner or anything like that isn’t an option as like I say, there’s not much cash to spare.

Please help!

I honestly felt stressed just reading this. I imagine you are procrastinating because you are feeling so overwhelmed and putting off the work is giving you a bit of temporary stress relief.

If I were you I would do the following
1 - Reach out to a close family member or friend. If they are aware of your situation they will be able to help possibly with some DIY or cleaning/tidying.
2 - You need to get everything you need to do down on paper. From what I can see you have 3 main projects on right now - work, home and baby prep. Write down tasks you need to do for them and divide them into sub tasks. prioritise them in order of urgency. Make sure you get a few ticked off each day to feel like you’re progressing. Also make sure DH is pulling his weight. He should be as equally focused on the house and baby prep as you are.
3 - I know money is tight but I really think you need to reduce client work you are taking on. You are entering the third trimester now and your body is going to be really feeling the strain as baby doubles or triples in weight! Your BP is going to naturally go up, you will be more tired and everything will feel like it requires more energy and effort. Something’s gotta give and you really don’t want it to be your health.
4 - STOP accepting donations from people. I am in a similar boat where people are handing off baby stuff they no longer want to me. As a result I am decluttering my own crap only to have more stuff immediately coming into the house to sort through! It is very overwhelming when time and energy is limited.

I really feel for you and wish you all the best over the coming weeks!

Thank you for taking the time to reply @fibeee. I think you’re right about the procrastination thing - I never thought of it like that before. I will be writing a list of tasks in priority order today.

Can you make a timetable for your day? Schedule in 4x2 hour blocks of work and breaks. In your breaks you can rest or schedule in some of your other tasks.
You don’t need to DIY anything before baby arrives. All a baby needs is some clothes, food and a safe place to sleep. A nursery is usually a glorified storage area!

Im also self-employed from home, and 26 weeks. I have now stopped any projects I know will take longer and allow more time to stop and change plans if tired.
Ie if I know something is 10hrs work, I will charge client 10hrs, but actually allow myself 2 days to get it done rather than squeezed into one day. As some days I am shattered and can't concentrate after x amount of hours. Today I worked 6-9am as woke early, taking break now, and aim to fit another 3-4 hrs in this afternoon.

How many hours are you contracted for per week? Then work out how many hrs per day u should be working. Start the day with things for yourself eg washing/sorting and then do work.

@stressedout85 no problem! Glad I was able to put my insomnia to good use

Also prioritise jobs.

DIY - only try to get done whats dangerous and essential now. Anything else can be done later. I would write large list on computer in notes of everything you think needs doing. Then label each thing 1, 2 or 3. 1 needs doing in the next 3 months ideally, 2 later this year at some point if time, 3 just leave for now, sort in 2021.

Baby clothes - could be handy as money saving. Over the next 3 evenings you and Dh get one bag each on sofa and sort into keep or charity piles. That will sort through the 6 bags. By the weekend, return the rest or charity. Then only need to wash the now much smaller remaining pile. You won't need 6 bags worth of baby stuff, just say max 8-10 of each item in sizes.

Baby will share your room until 6+ months, maybe have space in another for clothes storage etc, but otherwise, you don't need to sort all of upstairs right now.

but I find it difficult to turn down new projects due to the thought of earning extra money - as my financial situation is quite tight. Consequently I am permanently under pressure and feeling stressed trying to meet my clients’ deadlines. I’m also a terrible procrastinator and tend to put things off until the last minute, which admittedly doesn’t help matters.

^This is all your own doing. Stop being so fixated on money and organise your work time better.

With baby prep, you don't need everything sorted right now. I would focus on getting a pram and somewhere for baby to sleep in next few weeks. I would also start finding out a bit about labour and birth etc, perhaps buy a book like "The positive birth book" and try to read over the next few weeks. Perhaps look at antenatal classes. I think being prepared mentally is more important (personally). I'm 35 weeks and only just sorting out hospital bag and organising clothes. Nursery is piles of boxes, however baby will be in with us for first 6 months. I have clothes in piles, but I only intend to be prepped with stuff for the first 2 or 3 weeks. I figure I can get stuff easily from supermarkets, amazon and ask friends/family. I've found out what baby will need in the first few weeks but am not thinking past that in terms of parenting.

Stop being so fixated on money

Only someone with no money worries could make such an insensitive statement I’m not buying handbags and holidays FFS - just trying to earn enough money while I can so I can support myself after the baby’s born!

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions - I’ve started making a big list and am already feeling slightly calmer.

How many hours are you contracted for per week? Then work out how many hrs per day u should be working.

I think this could really help - kind of working backwards to figure out how much time I have, then allocating priorities accordingly.

Glad the list is helping . Just keep chipping away at it over the coming weeks and you’ll get there!

Hi @stressedout85,

I'm in the same boat as you (although a week behind)! I'm also freelance so completely understand the difficulty in saying no to work - it's so hard when you live with uncertainty and you're not sure when your next job is coming (- just ignore any nasty and unhelpful comments from previous posters about being fixated on money).

Have you told your clients that you're expecting? I've told a few and they're generally really understanding that my energy levels are a bit lower than usual (although I'm careful not to mention baby brain to them if I make mistakes - tempting but I don't want them worrying about the quality of my work).

We also have a tip of a house and a long list of diy/sorting/buying/selling projects on the go! We got a notebook and made a list for each room of the house and everything that needs doing per room - it really helped us. I also made a list for baby divided into baby feeding, baby sleeping, baby pooping and baby health - and everything we would need for each category. Lists are life!!! Good luck :)

Very rude comment by @misspiggy19.

I was in your position as well and freelanced right up until three days before my csection. I was hoping to take the entire third trimester off to focus on baby but that plan basically went tits up. For a variety of reasons I didn't qualify for any maternity coverage so I had to build up savings before baby. This worked out just fine but it wouldn't have been possible if I turned down those assignments when I was pregnant.

Maybe it helps just to know that there are many people in the same situation. Pregnancy isn't always hanging up baby clothes and painting nurseries. Many women are desperately trying to tie up loose ends whilst racing with the inevitable decline of their energy levels and physical strength. As many users have said, newborns don't actually need a lot of stuff. So just make sure you have the basics (cot, pram, changing table, diapers, sleeping bag etc).

Once your baby is here you still have plenty of time to buy new clothes, gadgets or carriers if needed. Amazon is a lifesaver...I've ordered countless things on my phone while breastfeeding and they were delivered in front of my door the next day! You'll also most likely receive lots of baby gifts, and I ended up with many useful things that I didn't have time to buy myself (toys, bath towels, clothes, socks, blankets etc).

I guess it comes down to not feeling guilty about trying to provide the best possible future for your child. If you need to work, then work and be proud of it (within reason of course, please don't go into burnout). Make sure there are a few basics and the rest will all turn out fine. Babies don't care at all how their nursery looks...most don't even spend time in there until they're much older. Newborns also have no concept of toys or playing, they simply want to be close to you and you're all they need. Good luck!

I'm in a similar situation except I'm 31 weeks so have even less time left. Here's what I've been doing for the last several weeks:

I work from home but strictly only 8am-4pm, then dedicate the next hour to a session of my Hypnobirthing course. That's my sacred time and nothing else takes priority.

We too had a lot of DIY going on: painting and re-carpeting 3 rooms including the nursery, plus furnishing said nursery; it took 3 weekends in a row and was exhausting (even though my husband did 90% of the work, I only helped putting the furniture together) but has given me peace of mind. Yes we had to live with a huge mess upstairs for a few weeks, tripping over boxes, furniture and all kinds of junk, but I kept telling myself it was only temporary. We have ordered a special uplift through our council to get rid of the bulk of the stuff we no longer had room for.

As for baby clothes, I have literally only bought a couple of things myself; the rest is getting bought by my mum who's loving it (first time granny!). I just gave her a very general list of how many items in each size I'd like.

Pram (entire travel system actually) was bought based on a friend's tips for what features to look for. My husband did a lot of the research into the technical specifications, I just picked the look and colour I liked.

As for educating myself and preparation for the birth, I have a "pregnancy day by day" type book which I read 1 page from every day - usually during breakfast; this takes no extra time and the further along I am the more the book focuses on the birth. I'm also in a local positive birth group on Facebook, and of course on Mumsnet. I also take a list of questions to all my midwife appointments.

I plan to breastfeed so not looking at formulas, bottles etc. Not even breast pumps, as I would like to try hand expressing before I spend money on that.

Out of the things I still need to do, the most important is packing my hospital bag; other than that I think we will be fine. As my husband keeps saying, we are only a short drive away from a 24h supermarket, so any essentials can be bought once the baby is here.

It's all very overwhelming if you try to wrap your head around it all at once, but as soon as you break it down into manageable chunks you'll feel much more in control. X