10wks exhausted, sad and struggling

[Lisa123F]

Hi everyone, sorry for the long post!
I really need help, I'm 10wks pregnant and it was all planned with my most amazing partner (or so I thought) previous to finding out he wasn't the man I expected, we were really happy, I've never wanted kids but with him things were different.
Then going through the pregnancy I feel lost, alone and have even (please don't judge me) considered abortion as I'm so sad... I can't get out of bed, my job suffers, I don't go anywhere, can't keep food down, sleep 14hrs even more... I have zero connection to what's inside me and the very few people I've told say I must be so happy?! But I'm the opposite...

On top of this dreadful feeling, my partner has been deleting messages from his ex wife. They have a baby together (2 years old) he's seen her a few times over the last two weeks and his messages to her are deleted... example, he went to pick her up a few days ago and no texts?! Come on not possible... he messages her daily to see how the baby is...
we've had a few moments before where he's been dishonest but I thought we were past it.

I feel distraught and I've just sold my first home to be with him
I have a good career and good friends, it's all a mess...

Please help, what can I do to be brave? How will I ever get past this?

Thank you all in advance xx

Lisa123F, I’m so sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. The first trimester is brutal when everything is ok at home, let alone if you feel your DP is being dishonest.

I don’t think it’s uncommon to not feel connected to baby at this point, I’m 10
Weeks too and the all day nausea and sickness is making me miserable too. (I’m praying is passes soon). Have you been to the GP? He’s given me tablets which have helped a bit. I think it’s essential to surround yourself with people who love and support you at this point, talk to them about how you’re feeling so you don’t feel so alone.

Have you confronted DP about the messages?

Sending big hugs OP

Lisa123F
Try not to let the sickness and tiredness get you down, these few weeks can be so difficult, and on top of wild hormones it sounds like your other half is being less than supportive. I’m currently 13 weeks and I’m slowly starting to feel better so there is hope ahead! Have you told him exactly how you feel? I felt a huge disconnect with my OH in the first few weeks because I felt useless being so sick. Only you can make the decision as to what’s best for you, but a serious talk with your partner definitely won’t do any harm. Wishing you all the best!

@Lisa123F
The first trimester is very hard. I'm in my second pregnancy now and 27 weeks pregnant and can tell you it's brutal. It passes though. For me it took more like 20 weeks to pass but everybody's different. I'm actually happily married but never wanted kids and got pregnant in 2017 with my first (an accident!). I was terrified and also was considering abortion but couldn't do it. Now I have the most wonderful little boy who I love so so so much that I'd never change things if I could!! The most beautiful time of pregnancy is when they start kicking which will happen for you in about 6-8 weeks.

At first pregnancy can be very very scary, I know. Especially if you're not getting on with your partner. The best thing to do is speak to him and be totally honest. Also try and explain that you're in this special time right now and need lots of love and care rather than anything else.
Good luck

Thank you all, it is so nice to know I'm not the only one.

I have spoken to my partner about the messages, I just said I'm having a rough time of it at the minute and I know you have been deleting messages. Response - silence! I didn't have the energy to get into an argument (I'm normally pretty outspoken) but I've lost my spirit and we haven't spoken since... he went to see his daughter and I've even text him to say please just help me get through this and tell me you aren't doing anything you shouldn't but nothing...
I know I'm in for a bad day. I feel very empty and I really didn't expect this from him.
I'm at work now to try and distract myself but as you can tell, it's not working

You are all so lovely, thanks again I do feel much better. It can't get any worse than this right?!

Xx

Sounds like its a tough time. Pregnancy can be really horrible at times and especially when you don't feel you can lean on your partner for encouragement and support. Try to remember that pregnancy is not forever and the wanted baby will eventually arrive!
Also, sometimes pregnancy hormones etc can make you feel like your partner is behaving strangely when they aren't (I know from experience...) and also remember that he might also be going through a tough time. Pregnancy is tough for Dads too, and alot of them won't speak about it. I hope it's only that...
I hope it all calms down a bit soon - some people find that after about 12 weeks they feel a whole lot better.

Let one of your more calmer friends know what's happening, not anyone that will fire you up even more right now. You will need a bit of support if you do find out he's doing anything he shouldn't be.

Pregnancy can be testing at times anyway, hormones are all over the place and I defo became an anxiety riddled kind of person. Try to stay rational and calm, but the bottom line is, if he is messing about I don't see how you'll be able to trust him, staying with him may actually cause you more stress!