Sex of baby disappointment

[newmumx2]

Hi all, I'm 20 years old and I'm almost 15 weeks pregnant - I will find out whether we're having a boy or a girl when I'm around 16 weeks.

I have a 7 year old sister who I have been like a second parent to and we are extremely close and she will be more like a sister to this baby, when she found out I was pregnant she was really upset (doesn't want me to love anyone more than I love her bless her) - over time shes became excited as the days go on but 'only if it's a girl' her exact words🙈😂

I guess I just hate the thought of her feeling upset if the baby is a boy! So my question is do you have any older children that was expecting a younger sibling and they didn't get the brother/sister they wanted? Was there anything you said/did to try and make them a bit more excited or did they genuinely just get over it before the baby arrived?

I know it probably sounds abit silly to worry about but she's the most important person in my life at this moment in time and her happiness means everything to me! Thankyou in advance and please no judgments

Hi OP, my DD wanted a sister but got a brother, she loves him to bits mind you and I sometimes think she might be his mum but she keeps asking for a baby sister now!

I think if you tell her it's a boy and she disappointed/upset, get her really involved in the preparation and make her a real part of the preparation (the fun bits!)
Maybe if you take her out to get a present for baby from her, take her to get a treat, come home and make a big fuss over wrapping it up as a "birthday present from auntie", that might help. And keep reassuring her that you will always love her and point out little things she can do with baby (help give baby a bath, watch a favourite cartoon with baby etc etc)

It sounds like she's just a bit scared of the change and potential loss of family for her, regardless of the sex of baby. Try to make her not feel pushed out, still loved and valued as an important member of your family.

Good luck!

Posts like this tend to bring out the gender/sex/'my baby is just a human baby and has no gender' police. Get your hard hat out!

Second to what pp has said. Get her involved. She'll have at least 20 weeks to get used to the sex. Discuss how you'll decorate the nursery, send her off to buy clothes. She'll come round to it im sure!

She’s a 7 year old. She’ll get over it

7 year olds have a very rigid gender schema, she'll be more open minded soon

When my only Aunty was pregnant with my cousin I was adamant that the baby would be a girl (I have brothers). I even wrote a poem (I was 10) about how, if it was a girl, she could come and live with me and I would buy her lots of toys but if it was a boy then I would only buy him clothes for his birthdays and not play with him.

Fast forward 9 months and my baby cousin was born... a boy! I couldn't have loved him more. In fact, I smothered him (not literally). Every time he came round or we visited, I would steal him away to cuddle and play with. No one else got a look in.

We are still very close now (24 years later). Your sister will come round. By the time your little one arrives, she won't care what he/she is 🥰

Ah thankyou all yeah I'm going to get her involved as much as I can and the present is a really good idea! It's that age where 'boys smell' so I'll have about 5 months to convince her that they're not that bad

My 8 year old son wanted a brother. He got a sister and he loves her to bits, so protective and loving it's the cutest thing. She'll be fine either way c

My DD wanted a little sister, but we found out after scan it was a boy, she suggested a great boys name and we let her name him luckily a name I liked she also thought he was cute when born. Can your sister suggest names or help choose something nice for a boy if you're having a boy? (Cute outfit?)

Boys are just as cuddly and cute and toys aimed at them tend to be more fun and interactive.

Where's your mother in all this? It's really for her to manage her daughter's feelings about your baby.

Well my brother hoped for another boy each time and got 4 sisters 🤣. He adapted. Your sister will love baby no matter what x

My daughter loves having little brothers - and they idolize her!

I was 7 when my brother was born. I really wanted a sister and when I found out it was a boy the day he was born I sulked for about 2 hours and point blank refused to even look at him. Then I saw him for the first time and forgot all about the fact he was a boy, he was just this cute little baby I could play with like my dolls! I annoyed him so much for the next couple of years being his 'mummy sister' 🤣 He's not so cute now he's 24! I'm sure she will get over it and love him/her regardless, don't worry!

I had a similar experience to makeafamily. I was 8 years old and I remember feeling gutted when my mother gave birth to a boy. I was so mental about it that I announced to the neighbours that my mother had a girl.

When he came home I fell in absolute love with him and doted on him. To this day I am closer to him than my other siblings.
Years later I have caught myself accidentally calling my own son his name a few times when doting on him !
It will be fine .

My niece is 6 and my nephew is 2 (cousins not siblings). Initially my niece only wanted a girl cousin as she 'hates boys' but she very quickly got used to him when he arrived and now they are absolutely adorable together. She loves mothering him and bossing him around.
Now I'm pregnant and she wants another boy!

You’re going about this all wrong, OP — her anxiety over you preferring someone else to her and you taking her impossible preference seriously is giving her way too much power, which will only make her still more anxious. Just tell her that the sex of the baby is something you don’t get to choose, and that you’ll both have to get on with loving the baby boy or girl you eventually have.

"Where'syourmother in all this? It's really for her to manage her daughter's feelings about your baby."

^ (assuming you are not the main carer to your sister under unusual circumstances) THIS.

OP you sound wonderfully caring and considerate, but this really shouldn't be your worry to carry.

(Am writing this watching DS and DD2 - 7yr age gap - tearing around together. He was disappointed not to be getting a brother, but loves her sooooooo much and they really couldn't be closer!)

Where's your mother in all this? It's really for her to manage her daughter's feelings about your baby.

Well not really, if it was my mom having a baby then she'd be managing it, but I'm the one who's pregnant so I'm managing it thanks for your concern about my mother though, we're all extremely close, I was just trying to think of some cute ways to get her excited if it's a boy.

I have anxiety disorder so maybe I do worry about things too much, and despite how my OP may have sounded, I do know it's not a big deal and I won't be making into one! Like I said, it would just be nice for her to be excited and involved even if it's a boy, just like a big sibling would be!

But Thankyou everyone for your comments, really appreciated

well not really, if it was my mom having a baby then she'd be managing it, but I'm the one who's pregnant so I'm managing it

You're kind of not getting it. It's your mum's job to manage because your sister is her daughter. Who is pregnant really doesn't have anything to do with it. It really isn't your responsibility to manage your sisters feelings, and as PP have said putting so much weight on them and anxiously trying to appease them will be very anxiety-making for her.

You're a young woman, you have your own baby to worry about, your sister already has a mum.

I'm not really putting anything on my little sister as I haven't actually said anything to her, I just worry in my own head 😂 I was just looking for some cute ideas like buying a present from the baby etc but I see what you mean :) x

Hi @newmumx2 have you had your sexing scan yet?

It's on Sunday! Very excited

@newmumx2 regardless of your sister being your mum's daughter not yours and who is responsible for managing her behaviour etc. you are clearly very close and it is not nice when you're pregnant to think of anyone potentially being disappointed no matter how ridiculous that might be so I hear you

Have you considered not telling your sister if it's a boy or a girl? You can shop for more gender neutral stuff (but if you know it's a girl or a boy and have a preference for more gendered items you can lean that way a little) and talk about names 'if it's a girl, or if it's a boy' then when baby arrives she will be so excited about it's arrival she won't even think about whether it's a girl or not?

Of course this could all be a moot point because it could be a girl!

But I think the ideas of getting her involved in choosing a name and picking out presents etc. are good ones even if you do decide to tell her what sex the baby is.