I had a miscarriage in October at 7 weeks. I got pregnant again soon afterwards and I've got my 12 week scan today. I've woken up really anxious. I thought I was fine about it yesterday, and I actually thought that because I'd got further than last time that I expected the outcome to be fine. But this morning, all of the doubt has crept in. I have two children from my previous marriage and in both cases the 12 week scan wasn't great. With DD1, the scan itself was fine, but the night after I had a massive bleed. It was diagnosed as a haematoma and it bled away over the course of a week or so with seemingly no problems to the baby, although she was born at 28 weeks and we don't know if that had any connection. With DD2, at the 12 week scan they thought they saw a cleft palette. I had to go back to be rescanned at 15 weeks and all was fine, but that was 3 weeks of worry.
I'm also seeing the obstetrician today, as both DDs were born premature and I've been advised I'd need a cerclage. Im anxious that the obstetrician might want to take a "wait and see" approach, but I would rather have it done to reduce my anxiety. I worry that I'll have to fight for it.
Then after these appointments I have to go in to work after a few days off and work is ridiculously busy at the moment and a huge source of stress in itself. I feel bad to my team that I had to take a couple of days off due to illness. And I also worry about telling my colleagues I'll be going on maternity leave if all does go well today, as we're stretched as it is.
I know I'm catasrophising. But I also know that these are real worries. I thought I'd be excited about today but I just feel anxious.