Newborn won't sleep unless held

[Catarinah]

Any advice appreciated. My 16 day old baby boy will not sleep unless he is in my arms and I am exhausted. We have a next to me cot and as soon as I put him down he will start to whimper when he realises I'm not holding him and unless he's picked up he starts to cry. I make sure not to put him down unless he's in a deep sleep but still, he wakes up...
He was 3 weeks early and weighed 5lb5oz
We have tried swaddling, not swaddle, music, quiet, dim light, complete darkness, warming his mattress with a hot water bottle and swiftly take it off before putting him down, white noise... Nothing has worked. We are now down to sleeping bags and Co sleeping but this isn't going well either as he naturally rolls towards me due to mine and my OH weight on the mattress so I worry that he's not flat on his back. I'm so tired please help... I also have mastitis and am on antibiotics, he's feeding every 2 hours ish

Mine was the same - it was hell. I propped myself up with pillows and had her on my chest for 8 weeks. No other way I could get her to sleep.

Try the washing machine on spin cycle and put a Moses basket close by. If that works then you need louder white noise in the bedroom.

I’m really sorry.... but it sounds normal. Have you looked up safer cosleeping guidelines? Is there someone that can cuddle baby whilst you have a nap?

A newborn should feed approx every two hours. The best thing for mastitis is to keep in feeding as this will alleviate any blockages. Babies are used to being snug and warm all the time having been in the womb, plus your heartbeat and breathing helps regulate theirs. I would recommend trying swaddling him, feeding him and then putting him down. Also could it be wind?

It does sound normal unfortunately. We had some luck with Ewan the sheep after a few weeks, so worth a try maybe?

Hugs to you, it’s so stressful at the beginning with lack of sleep and hormones and everything. Please remember THIS WILL NOT LAST FOREVER. It’s so hard to see out the other side when you’re “in” it, but things will get easier.

In meantime can your OH possibly sleep elsewhere / mattress on floor so you can co-sleep safely? I wasn’t a huge fan of co-sleeping but did it to get through the worst bits.

Swaddle and white noise did work for us, I can see you tried them - just keep persevering if you can (I.e. try for a couple of days as opposed to trying once etc.)

Best of luck and congratulations too

Google the 4th trimester. Unfortunately what you're saying sounds really normal, it's just so exhausting. I really truly thought I'd die of sleep deprivation with my first. Understanding the 4th trimester really helped. Then I leant into it, safe co-sleeping, sling in day, get help so you can have a nap between feeds....it does pass. It will get easier. I know that doesn't help now but it is true, you will get through it.

Welcome to the sisterhood of mothers with Velcro babies. Googke 4th trimester and velcro baby.

It is a phase. It does pass. In the meantime, co-sleep. Learn how to do it safely.

My little cling is now nearly 2 and will, thank the lord, start the night off in his own bed at 7 but cosleeps with us for the rest of the night. It works for our family and there's nothing better waking up to warm DS snuggles.

Looking back, I was so in shock with the reality of a newborn, I didnt appreciate my snuggles with DS when he was tiny. Soak it all in, OP. It really is over in a flash.

Congratulations in your new little bundle

Also, waking up every 2 hours is very normal and actually biologically innate in newborns - it's their own little way of preventing sids.

Agreed, it sounds normal. It doesn't last forever though. I know you say you've tried white noise but my advice is to try all sorts of different white noises at different pitches: I say this because I discovered the absolute only thing in the world that got dd1 to sleep was the actual hair dryer sound (not the noise through my phone). I had to aimlessly hair dry the room for 15 mins but it worked. Prior to that I'd tried every YouTube white noise sound until I discovered my own little trick. Also maybe your T-shirt on his mattress for your smell? But then it's a faff taking it out without waking them...

My little Velcro baby is 9 2 weeks and has had 3 naps in his life not on me. We cosleep because he refused the next to me crib and he spends a lot of time in the sling. Today was the first time he's been happy in his swing for 15 minutes while I cooked.

I've used a MyHummy from birth that helps settle him, if I need to I'll feed to sleep in bed at nap time and nap with him. Look up safe cosleeping and bf positions- I find feeding lying down great for getting him to sleep!

Its hard right now, but it does pass. Make it as easy on yourself as you can for now, cosleep if it works and get help where you can.

9 weeks, not 9 2 weeks!

Yes I've managed to bfeed lying on my side too and he does sleep... For a little bit... He's now up to 6lb already and considering he'd lost 7.8% initially he's gained really well so I hope I can take this as a successful start to bfeeding. Might try swaddling again tonight, do you swaddle with arms in or out? We do have Ewan... Doesn't like it. I guess you're right about making the most of it, difficult when you're this tired but he'll grow up so quickly I'll be wishing to be back here one day!

I swaddled with arms in.
Try a vibrating baby chair or rocking moses basket.

Totally normal newborn behavior. My son is 2.5 and still needs physical contact to fall asleep. It’s not a problem, it’s biologically normal, we’ve all just been brainwashed into thinking that babies should sleep separately in their own beds. The answer is cosleeping.

(I made many many desperate threads just like this with my first son and a few people would mention cosleeping and I just mentally dismissed it thinking it’s not the done thing. Second baby, I decided to give in and try it because I was just so tired. Now I bitterly regret not doing it with my first son too. The snuggles, the bonding, the happy baby, the better sleep we all have, I can’t believe I missed out on this with my first son and I would encourage all new parents to seriously consider cosleeping)

Baby didnt weigh enough at birth for safe co sleeping as per the lullaby trust guidelines, I'm not sure what to suggest op- can you and your DH do shifts?

My baby was exactly the same for the first 6 weeks... Me and OH took in turns to sleep with him on our chest propped up with pillows. I'd look at the safe sleeping guidelines and follow them. We eventually got him in his own bed with a dummy and a sleeping bag, just letting him spend some time in there awake so he gets used to it and then putting him down to sleep in it.

It is a phase, it will pass! Hang in there!!

This sounds like my DS to a T - it’s so tough and when you’re in the eye of the storm it feels like it will last forever and that you’ll fall apart from the sleep deprivation - you are doing brilliantly. It will pass. It won’t last forever and you can and will get through it.

I think just keep trying everything and anything to stay sane, even if it doesn’t fit with what you hoped and what other parents say they do with their perfectly sleeping babies. These first weeks are about survival! My husband was starting a new job a week after our DS was born and needed his sleep so it was really tricky but I would hand the baby over to him at around 9pm and then go to try and get a few hours of sleep in the tank. He would then give the baby to me as late as humanly possible, on average I’d get 2-3 hours. Then we’d either sleep with me propped up on pillows and the baby in my arms or co-sleeping as safely as possible with just me in the bed. Once the Velcro stage had passed my husband moved back into our bed. A T-shirt of mine that I had worn tucked under the cot sheet seemed to help as did LOUD white noise through an app called SleepTot on a speaker from my phone, the car seems to soothe our little one the best and that app has loads of different types of white noise so you can find one that works for you.

After the worst had passed by around 10 weeks we got the Baby Sleep Guide book and implemented a couple of the techniques around daytime naps and helping baby learn to settle themselves (gentle techniques only!) Touch wood, at 20 weeks he’s now a pretty good sleeper and is snoring away in his Moses basket in front of me right now.

Normal! All of mine did this. I used the sleepy head for ds3 and he was happy to go down in that for a few hours but still ended up in with me by the end of the night

Also I know it’s not strictly recommended because it will mess with your supply, but my midwife told me to start expressing milk when DS was 3 weeks old because I was so exhausted from the all-night cluster feeding and looking after the baby solo all day. Just being able to have 2-3 hours while my husband did a bottle feed in the evening saved my sanity. Worth chatting it through with your health visitor to see what they say.

My girl was exactly like this until maybe 2/2.5 months old and then starting beginning to fall asleep on her own without me just randomly. She's now nearly 4 months and will only sleep on me if she isn't feeling well. It won't be forever!! (Even though it feels like it)

DD was the same. After three nights of no sleep at all, we worked out that giving up on the next to me and putting her in her pram, playing white noise or womb sounds through alexa and putting down a hot water bottle first was the combination of things that worked. Oh and keeping her arms out when swaddling her, she would just get frustrated with the blanket otherwise and wake up!

It's these things you forget once they get older ... and then especially during the teenie period you look back at those new born days and nights with rose tinted glasses. I cant think of any advice except if you can sleep when the do in the day time and not rush round doing things. Lots of love.

I got mine to sleep in the next to me by swaddling him with his arms in and sleeping with my hand resting on his tummy for the first couple of nights.

My now 4 month old boy was exactly the same. The first few weeks he was permanently attached to me or my husband. It was exhausting. It will get better and as pp have stated, cosleeping is a life saver.

Our DS went from sleeping in his cot all night, and having just one feed at 2am. Then he had his jabs last week and is now back co sleeping with me as his sleep pattern has messed up.

It will get easier op, he just wants to hear his lovely mummy's heartbeat.