My mum keeps trying to make my pregnancy about her.

[BethFitz]

So after dealing with my abusive mother for my whole life, i thought i could deal with her... turns out i cant.
I miscarried last year (she knows this) and am FINALLY pregnant again and am 8 weeks :)
But its not been easy weve been cramping and were under the EPU, luckily baby appears fine, and heart is beating. Before that scan, me and my partner were convinced things werent going to go well as no morning sickness and no fetal pole was seen at 5.5 weeks. So we had a loooong wait for our "relief filled" scan at 7.5 where we finally saw its heart beating. As my mother is a MIDWIFE I was calling her telling her how worried i was and that i was concerned the cramping meant im losing my baby, and she replied with**: well i hope this fills you with a sense of guilt, what do you think I had to go through with you?

(Shes never expressed any issues during her pregnancy with me. It was a normal pregnancy, she just meant morning sickness...WHICH IS CLEARLY DIFFERENT FROM FEAR OF A MISCARRIAGE!!!)

She insists i can go to her for anything. And as im not under a midwife yet i asked her more questions about symptoms. I ask: is this normal mum?... She replies with: " I dunno. Urgh I feel awful... im nausous. Im anxious. Im feeling sick. It must be MY hormones playing up"

I ask about another symptom, she replies with: "again not sure. But oh my god im feeling sick, my hormones are everywhere"

I cant get an actual answer from her and its as if she thinks SHES pregnant, she'll say the bare minimum and then change the subject to her. This is not abnormal for her to make things about her... On our birthdays me and my sibling have to message HER because my parents say the day is more important for mum then us!!!! Dad makes us message her with : thankyou mum or thinking of you.

Im done. I know its petty of me, but for ONCE id like this pregnancy to be pleasant and a bit about me and my child. Would this wind anyone else up?

She sounds very narcissistic. Stop feeding her.

Contact your GP / antenatal unit (whatever the system is in your area & ask if & when you can see a midwife for your first appointment, given your history.

And yes, I'd find this extremely annoying. (Why should you feel guilty because your mother didn't have any morning sickness with you, FGS!?)

She sounds batshit if i'm honest. She clearly doesn't want any attention on you or your pregnancy, and she's a midwife? I feel sorry for the women in her care. I'd just stop asking her and stop involving her, she's obviously selfish and couldn't give two hoots about you or your baby.

Congrats on the pregnancy, I hope everything goes well for you

Id just stop going to her with pregnancy related stuff, shes not proving to be mnch help

Stop asking her. I understand your anxious, but a) your mother isn't helping and b) you'll manage with your 'own' midwife.

Congratulations on your good news! Wishing you happy and healthy few months ahead.

She sounds like a narcissist. Possibly jealous of the attention you are/will get due to your pregnancy. I wonder if she's going through menopause/peri-menopause and is looking for attention. In any case, I'd stop asking her questions, full stop - go to the GP or search online/look on here if you need advice - plenty of midwives and doctors on the boards. I'd also try to lay down firm boundaries with her to set yourself up for the rest of your pregnancy, as it's a long old haul... Personally, I'd want to be very clear that she can only be involved if she is also supportive. You really don't need the extra stress.

You clearly know what your DM is like from her history, so I cannot understand what you are getting back from asking...nothing, so time to stop.
There is nothing to be gained from being so worried and anxious. Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy.