Silent miscarriage and upsetting reactions

[mags98]

Hello all

Am feeling rather up and down as I had a silent miscarriage at 8 weeks last week. Had the medical treatment and it was rather horrible but fortunately have been told all is OK now. Feel physically OK, but am now feeling very anxious. There are two main problems.

One has been that people don't seem to have been aware that we might have been trying for a baby as I am not married - and have been saying things like oh well if it wasn't planned it won't matter so much, and the family won't mind if you aren't married. This is really hurtful as it was definitely planned, me and my partner have been together for 8 years and I am 35 (he is 37)so need to get on with it, and in any case the reason why we are not married is a definite decision and noone elses business.

Secondly, I am worried that I have something awful wrong and will never be able to get pregnant again. I know this is normal, but I am worried, esp because of my age. When will I ovulate? How soon can I try again?

Hello.

I am not a great typist, so tend not to do long support threads.

I was pregnant four months later. Legs against the wall post coital worked for us.

Not really looking for 'support' as such, oh don't know what I want really, just a moan probably.

4 months is reassuring though!

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. After I had my first mc I had some shocking reactions such as 'it was for the best' and my MIL saying 'now you can get to know each other better as a couple'. Unlike you we hadn't been together long and the baby wasn't planned but that didn't make the hurt and pain any less he was still a very much wanted baby.
Some people say it's best to wait until you have had a period before trying again others try straight away, you have to decide what feel right for you. Unfortunatley miscarriages are very common and it doesn't mean you have anything wrong, you were one of the unlucky ones.

Good luck for the future.

It is supposed to be SO not recommended, but I didn't have another period before conceiving DS3. Had a 'missed miscarriage' at 13 weeks, bled for about a week, monitored mucus and temp and did ovulation predictor test, as well as lots of sex, ....ovulated 3 weeks after the ERPC procedure ....baby 9 months later.

I was emotionally and physically ready and didn't want too big a gap between my children.

I was a bit younger than you, but not much - 32.

Miscarriages are awful - you can feel crap, however early or however unplanned. You need time and space to grieve, and to recognise that you may well be 'up and down' for a bit. The sight of a pregnant women may bring a lump to your throat even when you think you're over it. People said - "you already have healthy children", but I had still lost a precious child. Don't be hard on yourself.

You already know that the chances are you'll be able to conceive again. To be crude - you know your tubes work, your dp has real live sperm and that you ovulate. The vast majority of infertility problems are down to these 3 things.

GOOD LUCK!

Hi thanks.

I think I might have posted this in the wrong place, sorry am new to the forum.

Have posted in the miscarriage area too.

Why is it not recommended, do you know?

Is it just to do with not knowing the dates or is there a medical reason?

There's no medical reason. I have a perfectly healthy toddler. It's just 'received wisdom' ...."wait 3 months". I can understand it if you have lost a child later in pregnancy, when more physiological changes have occured.

With dating, I simpy went for an early (8 week) scan as I said I didn't know my dates. I obviously knew very well, but I wanted to see a heart beat to put my mind at rest!

Hi mags

So sorry to hear about your mc. Getting through it is never easy but try and take comfort from the fact that you were able to conceive so you know your body can do it.

About how long to wait, there's no physical reason to wait at all. You're at your most fertile right after a pg and the reason they advise to wait until you've had one period is dating and to let yourself heal psychologically.

I've had several mcs, a healthy son and am now pg with my second son (w32). I remember well being in your position and being terrified that we'd never be able to have a child ourselves. Actually mcs are incredibly common, they just aren't talked about very much.

There's no easy way to cope, allow yourself to grieve but try not to dwell too much on what you've lost instead try and focus on your goal for the next year or so - to get pg and have a healthy baby.

Wishing you all the luck in the world

ps I'm 36 so you're certianly not too old!

My second and third miscarriages were immediately following each other, no period in between - but neither my doctor nor I believe they were related. It is, IME, an 'easy' explanation for the medics to offer when such horrible bad luck (and most miscarriages are simply horrible bad luck) strikes twice in such a short time.

I had ds after my first mc, and after the 2nd and 3rd ones got pg again four cycles later and am now 38 weeks.

Your next period will likely be between four and six weeks after the mc and/or D&C.

I'm sorry for your loss.

so sorry to hear you m/c at 8 weeks, i had 2 m/c before i had my son at 41 so dont worry about age. my mum was 46 when she had me and im lovely! as long as your healthy and ovulating(think thats how u spell it?) you will be fine. i know its hard but m/c is very common and you just have to get over it. i wish you all the best and never lose the faith! you will have a baby! and it is no ones business about u and your partners personal life. x x

Mags, I'm really sorry about the comments you've had. Some people cannot deal sensitively with mc - I ended a friendship after mine last year because of the crass (and completely unexpected) reaction I got. Some friends will be tactless, others will avoid you, BUT others will be very understanding, not necessarily the iones you'd expect! If someone is judgemental about your not being married, do you really value their opinion anyway?
Don't worry about your age - I mc'ed last year aged 37 and got PG 8 months later. The PERSONA kit helps enormously.

Mags - haven't read the whole thread as in a rush so apologies if this has already been said - there will always be people who say the wrong thing after MC. I am not married to my DP, and people did say the 'Oh well not planned' thing to us after MC - like that makes it better!
I worried about there being something wrong with me, and especially now as an PG again, but very early days. Thing is, it is really VERY common on first pregnancies, (no one tells you that until after but it is) and one does not mean you will have another. They will not even really investigate until you've had 3 in a row, there's just no knowing until you are PG again. I have been told that the chances are no higher than last time of MC - so just try to relax if possible, (easier said than done) and go easy on yourself x
Oh and ignore stupid people.

Forgot to say - am so sorry for your loss. It is a horrible thing to happen and your emotions may well be up and down for a while. Just take your time and be with your DP x Thinking of you x